My Alter Ego

I've just got my very own cell phone. I am not a techie by any stretch. I'm still trying to figure out how to use the VCR, and don't even get me started on the modern piece of technology that is the DVD player. But I am excited about having my very own personal phone to carry around with me everywhere that I go. Of course, this has pros and cons.

My dear loving husband set a certain ring tone on his for when I call so that he knows it's me and not anyone else. I have so many mixed feelings about this. Does this mean that would he screen my call sometime? And it disturbs me that he said "when you call it sounds like cheezy porn music." He seemed quite pleased about this. Should I be flattered? Maybe I should be thrilled that I'm the affair he secretly dreams of. But the bigger issue is how does he know what porn music sounds like? I think we need to talk, him and I. Maybe he told me that to keep me from calling. What will his co-workers think when I call? My face is reddening just thinking about it. Good grief.

I've been such a good girl all my life, what with trying to clean up our family image and all. You see, my great-great-grandmother was the town tramp. Her husband was gone for days on end logging and I'm hoping she did it to pay the bills. That's what I'm telling myself. Her daughter (my great-grandma) ran off with some guy and followed him out West. She came back a year later with a baby and no man. She never spilled anything from that venture. It's still a great mystery. She was a wonderful great-grandmother type, and married a very nice man. He sold moonshine to help make ends meet. Her daughter (my grandmother) eloped but was afraid to tell her parents so they secretly met at nigth for months before the secret was out. They lived in a chicken coop until they could build a house in the spring. My mom dated a member of the mafia before she married my dad. Seriously.

So you see, I have a lot of making up to do. And I've been trying so hard to be such a good girl. But now my past is being thrown at me by my husband. And what's worse, it's cheezy. It's not even classy porn! (Is there such a thing?!) Guys are so weird. Maybe he finds all this exciting. Maybe he feels like he's married the Bad Girl his parents probably warned him about. Newsflash. The worst I've ever done is wear white shoes after Labor Day. (And I swear it was only because I was in the South where it's warmer and I thought I could get away with it!) Poor guy. No wonder he has to have cheezy music playing when he thinks of me. He must be so disillusioned.

8 comments:

Burgh Baby's Mom said...

That's some, um, interesting(?) family history. Not at all sordid or anything.

I think you should be flattered your husband chose porn music. Mine chose the classic "dread" music you hear in movies when someone is about to die. I'd hate to know what his chain of thought was on that one.

Jennifer said...

I dont have a comment, I just had to laugh though ;)

I enjoyed reading about your family history. I think it would be awesome to be able to tell stories like that about your past. The only thing I can say about mine is that my geat great great grandmother was full blooded indian, and her daughter (my great great grandmother) was put up for adoption because of it. Other than that nothing really intersting happening in my family (although my mom is on her 4th husband, so does that maybe count?)

I tried to get my husband customized ring tones, but he never even realized that when I called it was one song, and when others called it was a different song. (and I even had the actual song as ringtones) and he never realized that when different people called me I had tons of different songs as well. I guess maybe he just assumed it rotated, I don't know.
~Jennifer

Kellan said...

This was so funny - porn ring tone!! My girls do all this settin up of the tones on all our phones - I do love them. Have a good day.

Karen said...

Jennifer, I now worry about you. If you've got a family who's not been in the headlines it's a good thing.

Although I'm surprised about the Indian adoption. My niece is part Indian and we learned with her that an Indian baby is taken in by the tribe if the mama doesn't want it.

Deanne said...

I, too, would have no idea what porn music sounds like. My only question is what music you will choose for him (once you figure out how to do that sort thing, that is)! :)

Karen said...

Actually I'm wondering if HE knows what that music sounds like. I called his phone just to hear it, and it's Disco Fever gone bad to me.

Deanne, I had the kids set mine to a really loud telephone ring. If I had music I'd be spacey enough to think "what a cool song, wonder where it's coming from?" and never answer the phone.

Zoe said...

does his phone play: boom chicka wawa???

Karen said...

Zoe, I have no idea the name of it. That doesn't sound like it though.