What's Little and Blue and Comes in a Pill Form?

Just in case someone is still in the dark, we raise dogs. I'm not sure why, but we do. After a few years of dabbling here and there with this breed, this breed and that one too, we've decided to settle on the corgi. The Pembroke Welsh variety to be exact. Wonderful dogs, really, if you can get past the rolling balls of hair that threaten to overtake you as you sleep.

And then last year we decided to expand a bit. As in hey, let's buy 6 dogs in one weekend just because we can. In our defense, some of them weren't ours. See, our two oldest kids had been raising pigs for the fair, and banking the money for college. At the rate they were raking in the dough they just might have had enough ready cash to pay for their books their first semester. If they were really lucky. So all on their own they got the brilliant idea that they could raise dogs. It would be a lot easier than the pigs and they'd make a little more money. Being the stupid morons loving parents that we are, we let them take this plunge. After some research Josh settled on a Cavalier King Charles Spaniel. We thought he made such a wise choice that we chose to buy her sister. And to get things really going right, we bought a male that was totally unrelated. We were set. All we had to do was wait for a girl to become of age.

And glory be! Our girl hit the magical time of her life this past week and we were thrilled beyond words to be stripping her of her virginhood. We'd given the male to my in-laws because a male in all his glory living in a house full of girls is not the best idea in the world. We may be dumb, but we're not stupid. So we borrowed Boaz and were giddy with excitement at the thought of all the doggy love that would go on. Spaniel puppies have to be the cutest things in the entire known world and we were going to have some of our very own!

But Bo decided that he was shy in the presence of strangers. He'd start feeling a wee bit amorous and then glance my way with an apologetic expression before retreating to a dark corner. I did what anyone would do in my situation. I locked them in the bathroom together while we left the house for a few hours. When we came back he'd be sporting a big goofy grin and she'd be feeling just a wee bit violated.

But how do you tell if that's the case or not?

We really didn't want to miss puppies this go-round so we hauled their doggie bottoms to the vet. If they're not going to do it naturally we'll just give them a little assistance.

I dropped them off, and went shopping. I was blissfully spending half a paycheck on 37 pounds of puppy food and 44 pounds of dog food for the week when I received the call from the vet. I did the shopping cart sprint to the checkout and rushed to the vet's to claim my knocked up girl and her uncooperative lover.

Only she wasn't.

Boaz did nothing. In fact, he wouldn't even stand at attention in honor of the occasion. This is all starting to sound a little like deja vu. What is it with our stud dogs being duds? Is it something in our water? Is our air too thin here in the mountains?

It turns out that the dog is timid. Yep, timid. Hopefully he'll mature through this and come out of his shell enough to knock a girl up, but for right now there's nothing to do. And there are no little blue pills for dogs - I asked. I was also given very specific instructions on how to violate the dogs myself if I ever feel the need to do so. Which, for the record, probably won't ever happen. There are some things that are worth paying someone else to do.

(And can you even believe that the vet didn't charge me? Not for the time, not for the office visit, not for anything?! I marked the day in red on my calendar.)

As a last-ditch effort, we sent Mattie home with Boaz becaues he's more comfortabe in his own home. The vet and I were 99.999999% sure that it wouldn't make a difference because hello? Apparently his equipment is nonfunctional. But we do employ the live and learn theory in our kennel and we lived and learned. Turns out that Boaz just had performance anxiety because he got himself a little doggie lovin' tonight.

He may be sporting a big goofy grin, but it's not quite as big as mine. (Good boy, Boaz.) If you thought corgi puppies were cute, stay tuned in 9 weeks for those spaniel babies. (And keep your fingers crossed that this was a successful rendezvous and not just a test run.)


On another kennel-related note, we got this over the weekend. Because we needed another dog.

Tinker Bell is Becky's though, so you can't blame that one on me.


Tranny Head said...

I have lust for so many different dog breeds. Not dogs (I'm not that desperate YET, though with another week of NO SEX I might be), but the breeds. I love wire coated fox terriers, sheepdogs (the huge fluffy kind), and bulldogs. You know, the drooly stinky kind. I also like German pointers. I love lab retrievers, too, but they shed too damn much.

Anyway - this is random, but I just thought I'd share.

Michelle said...

Who'da thunk that dogs would get performance anxiety. Fingers crossed that it took this time for you -- you've got several days, right? Will you keep Mattie and Boaz together for awhile to give them a second and third chance or does that risk messing up the already conceived puppies, if there are any.

Good news, if it's nine weeks, your current crop o' puppies should be on their way out the door by the time these ones arrive, right?

Karen said...

That's funny stuff! Your new puppy is adorable.

Cecily R said...

WHY do you do that? Posting pictures of puppies that are stinkin' adorable on days when my kids have peppered me with "WHY don't we have a dog too??" questions all afternoon is just rude!!! :)

Beth from the Funny Farm said...

Cute puppy!

Flea said...

Tinkerbell is DARLING. Has Colleen seen her yet? Her red Bostons are beautiful. Becky has good taste, choosing a breed which doesn't shed. :)

Becoming Mommy said...

the boston is adorable, although you know me...I go for breeds with knicknames like "blue devils" and a reputation for being a bit difficult (but with few health issues).
Bostons and cavaliers are sort of the opposite.
But I could seriously be tempted to bring home a whole passel of Glen of Imaals. Really.

utmomof5 said...

That was to funny for this early in the morning!!! Who would have htought that doggie love would be so funny!! I do have one question. Exactly how does a vet figure out that a male dog has performance anxiety? Nevermind -- I am not sure I want the answer to that question! :P

Burgh Baby's Mom said...

The new pup is CUUUUUTE!

Jenn said...

Great post, I love the puppy and have always wanted one of those. Can't wait to see puppy pictures in a couple mons or so.

Caution said...

I'm just a little embarrassed! I am also in complete denial about how my own four kids got here.

We need a dog here!

caramama said...

Adorable new puppy!!! I love Cavalier King Charles Spaniels.

I seriously want to come up and just sit in a room with all your dogs and play and cuddle!

JennyH said...

What a funny story!

Tinker Bell is adorable! That is our cats name, by the way.

imbeingheldhostage said...

You are out of you mind, but she'd cute! To be a kid in your house. I would've loved to have a mom like you Karen :-)
Thanks for the play-by on the animal n00kie (can I say that on your blog?).

just jamie said...

Soooo, would it be too forward of me to ask you to dog-sit for us next week? Great. Thanks.

Spammon said...

Luckily you didn't have to resort to in vitro. I can only imagine how much that would cost in the doggy world!

Anglophile Football Fanatic said...

I agree with Jeri. I think adding another is CRAZY! One spoiled rotten one in the bed with me is enough dog. Glad the Boston arrived.

Andrea said...

LOL!! I am thinking about getting an english bull dog!! We need another dog too!!
Tinker Bell is cute!! And she looks like she is Becky's, were is she in those pictures??

Soliloquy said...

GOOD LAWD. I've got to read slower.

"And glory be! Our girl hit the magical time of her life this past week and we were thrilled beyond words to be stripping her of her virginhood."

And I'm thinking - "they went from home school to public school.... and are you KIDDING ME?!" (and that's why I linked over - because we're working on that) -

No, I didn't read that right.

Slow down, speed reader, slow down.

I feel much better know.

Bookmarking you for next time.

Colleen said...

Tinker Bell is GORGEOUS! Can't wait to snurffle her! And Gavin will love her name (he likes Tinker Bell...as you may remember from Christmas time).

Hopefully I'll be seeing not only Tinker Bell, but a prego mama spaniel! If so, I'll have to let my mom know...she keeps playing around w/the idea of getting another sweet knucklehead to keep her current one company (strictly platonic).

Colleen said...

oh, and Bostons aren't that succeptible to genetic issues like some other dogs...obviously a good breeder makes all the difference, but compared to other brachiocephalic dogs, they're some of the healthiest around.