Horse Sense

I'm here to tell you that you should not tie your horse to your belt loop. I know this sounds like common sense going on, but some people may not know this. I did, and I can tell you from experience that it's not a smart thing to do.

My pony was very well trained. He was my best friend. (For anyone who's savvy, he would have passed the Natrual Horsemanship classes without a thought. For those who aren't savvy, just know that I would have trusted my children with him.) I was old enough to know better, but who can tell a teenager anything?

I was moving the horses from the night paddock to the pasture, but wanted to keep my pony out to go riding. Holding onto the pony with one hand and operating the electric fence with the other can sometimes be a hassle so I had the bright idea that I'd tie him to my belt loop, thus freeing up both hands.

I seriously thought that he'd realize that he was tied and stop. I didn't count on him just taking me with him. But he did. He ran after the other horses and I was pulled along much like a bone tied to the end of a string. I was taking 10' strides just trying to stay on my feet. I'd lift one foot, be pulled mid-stride, and set it down nowhere near where I started. I always thought flying would be fun. But I'd never envisioned it like that.

I knew I couldn't keep this up forever and had hopes of just staying upright until he got to the grass and stopped. But we were in the dirt part. The part that's dirt when it's dry and two foot deep mud when it's not. It was dry now, but the deep holes and stiff mud ridges made footing difficult. And I had little choice on where I put my feet down. I was barely touching ground the way it was. Silly me, I tied the rope so long that I wasn't even able to place a hand on him for balance. I was just out there on my own, floating along in space. My pony had a human balloon bobbing along behind him.

And then I tripped. I was grateful at this point that I'd tied the rope long and was away from his feet. Being drug on that uneven ground must have hurt, but adrenelin kept me from feeling anything but fear. I knew I'd be drug until he reached the other horses and I could calmly get up, untie the rope and walk my sorry self home. But it was the rocks that were worrying me. The rocks that are small boulders, with a narrow path between them that the horses run though. They know the way so well that they don't even slow down. I was headed there fast, head first, with no control over where I bounced.

I prayed. I prayed hard. "Dear Lord, this could well be the stupidest thing I've ever done in my entire life but please help me!"

And then I stopped. My belt loop broke, and I was alive. I thanked God for saving me from my own stupidity just as heartily as I'd prayed for help. And I've never tied a horse to my person again. I don't recommend that you do it, either. The incredible wedgie that results is on par to a high speed enema.


Andrea said...

Oh my goodness, that was horrible. You can never fully trust those ponies. That is one of the first things I taught my kids, "Never tie, wrap, or loop the lead rope around any part of you." They like to wrap it tight and many times around their hands. I am glad you got free!!

Cecily R said...

Since horses sort of scare me if they aren't purple, sparkly and made of plastic, I doubt I'll have reason for this tidbit of advice in the near future, but I'll file it in the "just in case" section of my brain.

That's a pretty amazing story, and so well told! Wonderfully entertaining as always!

Kellan said...

What a funny funny story!! "I prayed. I prayed hard. "Dear Lord, this could well be the stupidest thing I've ever done in my entire life but please help me!" - this was hysterical!! I just loved this story - thanks. Kellan

Bluepaintred said...

I read this in bloglines and just had to come over and comment!

How terrifying! Was this a while ago or just recently?

And - are you OK?

Deanne said...

Whoa! That's crazy! Glad you were ok (atomic wedgie and enema aside)! :) If I ever get the notion in my head to tie a horse to my belt loop, I'll think twice. Thanks for the advice. :)

Ally said...

Great story!!! I have to ask though... Did this happen recently? If so are you healing up ok? The whole wedgie/high speed enema thing sounds kind of serious ;-).

Karen said...

Just to clarify, this happened when I was a teenager. (You know, old enough to know everything, but do stupid things on a daily basis.) But thanks for your heartfelt sentiments. ;)

Burgh Baby's Mom said...

Thanks goodness you made it out of that mess! If only there had been Old Navy back then . . . a pair of their disposable jeans would have had belt loops that gave out after a few seconds. That must have been some good workmanship for the belt loop to stay hooked for as long as it did.

Shellie said...

So glad you survived to blog! Since you did, it's kinda funny! Did you know those waterslides at water parks can give you the atomic wedgie enema too? Just in case you're feeling nostalgic.