How Embarrasing #2

My husband and I were married just 5 days when we left for Alaska, the Last Frontier. He was in the Air Force and it was his first base assignment. Our honeymoon consisted of a 9-day drive to get there. But you can read all about that here.

Once there, we found a church and instantly connected with another young couple. But one dear older couple didn't know this and thought we should seriously get to know each other better and invited all 4 of us over for Sunday dinner. We had a great time visiting and getting to know each other a little bit more. But then tragedy struck. Somehow, someway, dinner did a number on me.

I struggled valiantly as long as I could before it got the best of me. I asked where the restroom was and excused myself. But it's a sad state when you can't just be sick, stink up the bathroom, and call it a day. Noooooo, instead I had a serious case of gas. (I never thought to check their medicine cabinet for Beano.)

I returned to the company of our friends, but realized that after only about 10 minutes or so I was not going to get off that easy. I couldn't ask to excuse myself again, that would be too obvious. And totally embarrasing. I squeezed my cheeks together tightly and prayed hard. That worked for a few minutes. But inevitably it eeked out. One of those silent deadly ones. If there was no noise it could have been anyone on the couch, so I was safe from detection for now. Good lands, please let that be the end of it.

But the smell. It was indeed deadly. Oh, my word! How could I not cover my nose? But yet I had to play innocent. Bless all those around me also playing innocent. Gosh, it just wasn't going away. But wait, I felt more coming on. Sadly we were not married long enough at this point to have secret codes. Like, "if I twirl my hair three times around my little finger it means I need to go home NOW or I will surely embarrass you and myself further." Oh, please, please, please just assume someone else reeks and decide we've visited long enough.

More escaped. It was undeniable this time and our hosts took action. They put the dogs out. Oh, how wonderfully kind of them to assume it was the dogs, or blame it on them anyway. Either way got me off. But what to do if I have another episode and the dogs are out? I managed, through nothing short of a miracle, to keep it in until the dogs were back at our feet. But I couldn't hold it much longer. The next time it happened the dogs were put out permanently, with much apology by the hosts. Great, now I'm hosed. I managed to convey somehow to my husband that we needed to go. NOW.

I was mortified by this for years. I still am, really. But I'm grateful that nobody knew it was me. I know this because several years later we were chatting with our friends (not the host family) and this incident was brought up. Our friends still think those dogs had some of the worst flatulence they've ever encountered in their entire lives. I had to agree.

22 comments:

Madame Queen said...

Too funny! You are a brave woman to tell that story.

My SIL's sister and her husband live in Alaska. I've always wanted to visit -- it looks gorgeous!

Karen said...

Please do not relay this story to anyone. If word gets out that it was me I may have to change my identity. Yes, I'm still mortified by this.

Melissa said...

LOL! Ok, that is hysterical. I love that the hosts thought to put the dogs out. I think this one will make me giggle all day....

The Sports Mama said...

Makes you wonder what they give those dogs to eat on a regular basis that they just assumed it was them. ;)

Can you imagine? It probably happened all the time in that house!

Madame Queen said...

Oh! Heavens! I didn't mean to imply that I would tell my SIL's family! I would never do that! Your secret is safe with me. I'm assuming, too, that they don't read your blog? :)

I was just commenting that I've always wanted to visit Alaska!

Karen said...

Madame Q - I didn't think that you would tell, but just had to be sure. As humiliating as this is, I cannot take that chance.

And yes, you need to visit AK someday! It's stunning and breathtaking and indescribable. But don't go in August. It's the rainy month and the mosquitos are worse than you can imagine.

Burgh Baby's Mom said...

You're screwing with my head, aren't you. I swear there were cute puppy photos here earlier this morning. I SWEAR IT!

At our house, we would have immediately blamed the dog. You would have had no problem at all convincing us that it wasn't you because it is ALWAYS the dog here. There is no other possibility. Must have been Meg.

Karen said...

Yes, I'm messing with you. I did, indeed, have some of the girls mugs posted. I'll save that for another day.

I hear bulldogs are quite famous for flatulence.

Burgh Baby's Mom said...

A bulldog can clear an auditorium sized room in no time. There's a 50% chance that you will have heard the warning call. It's when you don't that it gets real ugly.

Lisa said...

ROFL... Now I have this silly picture in my mind, and I'll be giggling the rest of the day. AND we are getting ready to go to church shortly. btw I think my husband likes to share his silent but deadlies at church... At home he just lets 'em rip and I know who to chew out, but at church all I can do is give a look. Oh, such fun times. lol

Lisa said...

ok, I was laughing out loud when I read your post, and after I commented, my 13 yo son just had to read it. Sorry, lol. He had tears rolling down his face. Shoot and now the other kids just walked in the house and he's telling the others to come read it too. I'm so thankful to you for giving us a good laugh. Aren't you glad if we saw you at a mall we wouldn't know you from Adam??

Deb in OPKS said...

Too funny. I've had to cut an evening short more times than I'd like to count because of a sensitive stomach. My husband teases me about how I deal with the cramps! No way I could have hidden who it was coming from. Thanks for the laugh at your expense. I needed it today.

Kellan said...

So funny - they put the dogs out - ACK!! What a sadly funny story. Take care and have a great weekend. Kellan

Leanne said...

Good! My son wants a DOG for Christmas, I'll bring this up tomorrow as an other reason why we don't want one.....

Lol.

Deanne said...

I would be mortified too! I'm laughing now but I'm sure you just wanted to crawl under the door and leave (even if no one else detected that it was you). What does your husband say about it now??? (assuming you've fessed up at this point) :)

Karen said...

Lisa - that is precisely why I've been brave enough to post this. Nobody knows me personally. It makes a huge difference.

Deanne - I have indeed fessed up to my husband. We laugh hysterically over this. Although I'm red-faced while laughing.

KIDZMAMA said...

I have to be honest and say that the biggest laugh I got was at the end of your post. I can't believe that your friends clearly remember this event. For you it was clearly a life changing event.

But for them, "the worst...in their entire lives"!! I'm still laughing.

Kari & Kijsa said...

LOL....you are HILARIOUS...your poor friends probably put the dogs on Beano!

Have a very blessed day!

smiles, kari and kijsa

As We Sail... said...

We usually figure it out when it is our dog, but now I wonder how many times it might have been the guests. Well, it's more polite if we just blame the dog anyway instead of trying to figure it out.

I have a friend whose husband got stationed in Alaska about 25 years ago. They divorced, she stayed. She begs me to come and see the beauty.

jayna said...

Ahh, I was rolling while reading this! That's a story that would have gone to the grave with me. You are a brave one to out yourself after all this time.

(Been lurking around here for a while and had to finally comment on this one).

Michelle said...

I was laughing the whole way though your story!! Too funny! Unfortunately I've suffered from that before too - more times than I care to count LOL My mom says it's her mom's side of the family genes that do this to us. ugh! I remember after Kayla was born I told Joe that now I have an excuse to blame any gas on - "the baby!" LOL

Shellie said...

That was the funniest thing! My sympathies