*Gasp*... *Giggle*... *Blush*

It's like Deja Vu. Yesterday I spent the day at the doctor and the vet. Becky said her throat hurt and it looked very red so just in case it was strep coming on I took her in for a culture to be sure. It was negatve, thank goodness. But this just means that I haven't had all the kids in school at once since the first of the year. Yes, Josh went back to school yesterday and is doing very well. His scabs are getting itchy but that just means he's healing quite nicely.

From the doctor we headed to the vet. Our infamously deflated stud needed his thyroid checked. There was so much that was wrong about that appointment. The vet last week said his tyroid would be a cheap place to start. I must have missed her sarcasm. I kept thinking to myself "the test may be cheap, but if his thyroid is messed up it'll be a lifetime of meds and that's not cheap at all." Turns out the test wasn't cheap either. Good lands! Without a blue insurance card to wave at the medical receptionists, this blood work cost me $93, plus the office visit. But it was the actual visit itself that was agonizing.

In case you've missed last week's posts when I boldly declared that our dog would not do what men do best, I'll recap here. When our girly dogs are in need, this been-there, done-that male just isn't up to the task. And, if you'll notice, I try to avoid technical terms and graphic descriptions. The vet did not. I am not surprised by this, and in fact would have been surprised if he had not been frank and forthright. But the monologue just went on. Graphically. Embarrasingly. For an eternity. I'm so glad that I'd sent the kids out of the room to wait. I think he used every single adult word, slang term and euphemism there could be at least twice. I learned that cows do it differently than dogs, and this was a great relief, because when he was mentally looking for something to compare dogs with I truly thought to myself that I'd just die on the spot if he compared it to a man's junk. And it continued to go on. I now think of this particular vet on the same par as my OB. Very nice person, professional in their field, and yet nobody I would ever invite to a party. It would be ever so awkward to have my husband and these men in the same room. It's almost like I've had an affair.

And after listening to this adult content dissertation for an eternity, I learned a gem of infomation that directly translates into the fact that we didn't need to spend any money at all. We keep Indie in with all the girls, in one community kennel as it were. Because there was no risk of anything happening. It turns out that this could be his problem. It seems that if he's with girls all the time, he gets tired of them. He needs to be kept separate so that they're fresh and exciting to him again. Who knew? Obviously not us. I'm telling you, we never fail to learn something with these dogs.

18 comments:

Aimee said...

So it's a case of absence making the . . . *ahem* . . . "heart" grow fonder? :)

Madame Queen said...

Well, it sounds like dogs are just like men after all -- always wanting to keep it fresh and exciting. Maybe you need to get him some Victoria's Secret catalogs, too.

God, I probably would have died of embarrassment at that appointment!

Burgh Baby's Mom said...

There are SOOOO many choices for snarky comments at this moment that I can't seem to focus on one long enough to type it. I absolutely love your dog impotence stories!

Maria said...

Who knew is right. Well I guess you can compare them to men, right?

Andrea said...

Yep tipical guy. Always getting bored of what he has and doesn't appriciate what he has. Maybe I should seperate my husband from me for a while? Maybe I should go to Hawaii? We have a stud horse that is sensitive like. If the ladies are mean to him he will back off completely. Never trust a vet when they say it will be cheap!! LOl!!

Melissa said...

Bwhhaaaa! Fresh and exciting to them. Surely you jest? So I guess your male pup just isn't a cheap date, huh?

Deb in OPKS said...

I once had a zoology professor in college who was discussing tapeworm reproduction. Because they are assexual they have both parts. He said the worm takes his "junk" and puts it in the "girl part" and scr@w. (He used anatomically correct terms and that graphic descriptive word). My jaw dropped. I was a sophomore and couldn't believe a professor had just said that to an entire forum. Doncha ya jus luv them edjucated folk?

kimmy said...

HMMMM, who knew cows did it differently than dogs. I learn something new everyday!

Kimmy

THE MOM BOMB said...

Oh, for God's sake. You know the separation will only work for awhile. Then you're going to have to dye the girls' fur or give them a funky haircut to trick your stud into believing he has "fresh" ladies at his disposal.

Karen said...

BBM - snark away. I'm sure there's nothing you could say that hasn't already been said.

Kimmy - This, coming from someone who has a thing with cheese? I figured you knew all about the kinky stuff. ;)

Mom Bomb - Nah, I think we'll just start changing their names to Trixie, Bambi and the like.

linds said...

How funny! Those poor female dogs, men are so hard to please!

Karen said...

I should mention that this dog's registered name is Kadenced to Hoosier Daddy. (He hails from Indiana.) Am I the only one who finds this both amusing and ironic?

Bluepaintred said...

Oh my. Were you able to keep a straight face?

I feel weird knowing that my gp - the same one who does my pap smear - is the one who did Hubs vasectomy - like it was some kind of weird three some.

Leanne said...

Maybe you could buy a few of the female dogs blonde wigs? That way you could leave them all together but they'd be ah, different when needed. Or maybe a red wig? A little french maid outfit for a few of them perhaps?

I loved this post. I'm sitting in the library waiting for DD and I'm smiling....

Thanks!

The Sports Mama said...

So using this theory, what you're telling me is that I should enroll my teenage son in an all-girls school?

THAT is a scary thought!!!

Burgh Baby's Mom said...

Really, my brain still can't function to pick just one snark. There's like ten of them all mixed together.

The only one that wants to separate from the crowd is something along the lines of needing to send my husband to live in the kennel with all the girls so that he can get bored like Kadenced to Hoosier Daddy. Is it coincidence that they are both from Indiana? I think not!

Colleen said...

oh I LOVE IT!!! Who's Yer Daddy!!!!

I haven't heard a good Hoosier joke since I moved out of the state myself!

And um, sorry that it cost you 100 clams just for the vet to say that your boy is bored with the girls and needs some doggy porn. Maybe he should grow a porno mustache?
*bow chicka bow bow*

girlymom said...

This is tooo funny- who knew!