There's A Mister On My Floor, and Weird Kid Conversations

I've said it before and I'll say it again. Life with kids is different. I think I've decided that it's a good different and not just a different different. Because all the crap that the kids leave laying around on a daily basis hides my poor housekeeping skills. And private me-time was never appreciated until it became premium. (Sometimes constipation could be a good thing. But sadly I'm too regular for that kind of alone time.)

And then there are the things that make you go WHA??? We've had a Mr. on our floor for a few days. He seems in no hurry to pick himself up, and nobody has offered to help him. I was conducting an experiment to see how long he could actually lie there, but have realized the answer could be forever. I gave him a hand, but not before taking his picture.


Conversations in our house are interesting as well. When Sam and I want to discuss something privately we usually have to either wait until the kids are asleep or clear the room. The latter option clues them in to something they should be privy to and they hover around the perimeter, making me uncomfortable whispering into my husband's ear. These are the kids that can't hear their own name when coupled with a chore, and yet can hear top secret plans being whispered three rooms away while being drowned out by the vacuum.

I listened to this dissertation on Becky's day recently. (Anyone who has teen girls knows that it's not a conversation. Conversations require that two people interact back and forth.)

Becky: So we were in class today and *Bob said that he bets that Abraham Lincoln got all the hot chicks. I was like, why? What do you mean? And Bob said that anyone who built a log cabin with his shirt off was sure to get the hot chicks. So I said how do you know he built it with his shirt off? So then we got the whole class involved and decided that whoever got the most people on their side won the argument. Of course he got all the boys to side with him and I got all the girls to side with me, and since there are more boys than girls it wasn't fair so we asked a teacher. *Mrs. Teacher said that she didn't know if it was true or not and that she'd have to Google it. Mrs. Teacher loves Google. She Googles everything. First she looks in a text book and then she looks in a dictionary or an encyclopedia and if she can't find an answer then she Googles it. She's a Google nut. So nobody knows if Abraham Lincoln got the hot chicks or not.

(I was able to interrupt at a half-breath long enough to insert: Have you seen Abe Lincoln? Because I'm thinking that he's not all that hot. Becky had to agree with me on this point.)


For those who have teen daughters, I'm sorry that you were subject to yet another one sided rant today. For those who don't, know that this is normal. Sort of. I've taken out a LOT of filler for the sake of my readers (you're welcome) and the topics aren't always fun. Sometimes they're just brutal to endure and you want to poke your ear drums out and call it a day.



*Names changed to protect the weird.

15 comments:

Debbie Yost said...

Take it from me, once a week is not often enough. I'd give anything for little regularity.

I run those experiments all the time. I always lose.

pb&j in a bowl said...

I randomly leave things on the floor, just to see who picks it up. Guess who always caves. Yep, me.

Your teen's conversation sounds eerily like my four year old's. Inane, rampant chattering. Gotta love it!

The Sports Mama said...

At least with your teen DAUGHTER, you get actual words. With my teen SON... I gets grunts and other random body noises. *sigh* And then he considers it even more amazing if its accompanied by something that makes me look at him and say "EWWW!"

Oh yeah. This one's a winner. ;)

(oh you know he really is... lol... but at least we know Becky would have a captive audience, right?)

Shellie said...

I had the same kind of results with my experiments. I get those one sided conversations ALL THE TIME from Enigma. They go on and on, but today was the worst, she would stop every 5 words or so to answer a text. If I hadn't been doing dishes, I would've walked away.

Karen MEG said...

Your daughter's "monologue" did seem rather concise to me for a teenager (so I concluded myself that you did some editing)... my 3 year old is already chatting non-stop.

Abe Lincoln and hot??? I think that's the first I've ever seen that together in a sentence ;). Your girl is so funny ... a classroom vote on this and even asking the teacher. The teacher is pretty cool, from her reaction, anyway LOL!

Andrea said...

Things get randomly left everywhere around here, and it seems that I am the only one who sees them. It could be weeks before somethings are picked up.
I think I would have to agree with Becky, Abe is so not that hot and I don't think he would have gotten too many chics. He was more of the tall skinny type, not sure that was all that hip back then!!

Madame Queen said...

I love the Mr. on your floor! That cracked me up.

But I love more the fact that your daughter adn her friends were discussing whether Abe Lincoln was hot. Maybe when he was younger he was better looking? Or maybe he was a "butter face" -- everything looks good but her face? The world will never know.

Burgh Baby's Mom said...

Didn't Lincoln suffer from some disease that made him freakishly tall and made his face kind of weird looking? I guess I could ask Google.

The Mr. cracks me up because I play those games, too. I always end up picking up whatever random item isn't where it belongs. Always.

Colleen said...

I'm currently conducting a similar experiment...with the dishes. They are not my chore (my ugly chore is laundry) and have been wondering how smelly Justin's willing to let them get before unloading and re-loading the dishwasher. I wonder how his family survived before having a dishwasher??? Although I suspect he's always had one..Mom! ;)

Sandy C. said...

That "Mr" is hilarious! Surely that would end up decomposing on my living room floor if I didn't pick it up. Hubby is horrible about leaving things on the ground....like his dirty laundry!

Pam said...

that names changed to protect th weird- hysterical!

funny post- thanks for the laugh!

caution said...

funny 'cause it's soooooo true. we wonder where our quiet girl went and where this non-stop talker came from...

Tootsie Farklepants said...

Since my daughter will be a teen eventually, I consider this post necessary training. Thank you!

just jamie said...

Oh I'm so looking forward to the teenage years ... and constipation for that matter. :)

caramama said...

I'm fascinated... both by the Mr. on the floor and the teenage conversation/monologue! I'm strangly excited about those kinds of stories. I say that now...