What Can You Expect When Rednecks Don Skirts?

Being a Saturday in October, we spent the day at the corn maze. Despite the fact that we were enjoying our busiest day yet, we drug ourselves away for a few hours to attend the wedding reception of some friends.

I need to point out that we live in deep redneck country. We're proud of our camouflauge wearing, mullet bearing children. (Actually, only their parents are proud of them. I'm rather ashamed that we're surrounded by so many.) And our friend, the groom, is one of them. I mean, I've never seen him wear camo, but he rocks the mullet like nobody's business. He's a truck driver, or was until he decided to stay home to be a full time dad. He's our church's drummer, if that gives you any other indication of what he's like.

So now that you have a background on the groom, you can be as surprised as I was that he got married in Scotland, wearing a kilt. He did. And I was all kinds of amused by this.

But the wedding was last month and after they honeymooned around Scotland, they're home to celebrate. Tonight was the reception of family and friends. He wore his kilt. So did his son who just came home from Iraq, and his teenaged son. As did the photographer, and a few guests. Can I tell you how fun that was? I love all things Scottish even though it's not so much my heritage. (I think I may be 1/349 Scottish, but really that doesn't count for squat. Especially to a true Scot.)

Also? Can I tell you how highly amusing it was to see so many of the most redneck men that I know wear kilts? Seriously. The church's band leader gave the drummer grief for months about wearing a skirt to his wedding, and who wears the pants in the family, and any other dig he could get in. Guess who was wearing a skirt tonight? Oh, yeh. And being the redneck that he is, when his socks bothered him he pushed them down around his ankles. I had to inform him that the school girl look was not becoming on him.

I think that the kilt-wearing men should have had a crash course in skirt-wearing etiquette. Several of them tried straddling chairs, one knelt down across the room to talk to someone and hello! put your knee down!

One of my redneck friends who was not wearing the tartan was saying that it's bad enough that all his friends were wearing skirts, but they had purses, too. I said it's more like a fanny pack since it's worn around the waist. (I know, people. But we're not Scottish, remember?)

So as I'm talking to my MIL, she explains to me that the purses serve a function. Really? Yeh, they're weighted. And hang between the legs to hold the skirt down when the men sit. Well thank goodness because that's the one and only reason I saw more leg than I should have but was spared the nuts and bolt.

So I'm telling my redneck friend this since he was asking about the purses earlier. I said they really do serve a function, and he said, "yeh, I was just telling your husband that."

Oh, so you know that it's to keep it down?

Yeh.

And it's weighted to do the job well.

Yeh, so that you don't see anything.

Exactly, because these men don't know how to sit. It's a good thing.

Sit? What's that have to do with it?

The pouch drops when they sit and holds the kilt down so that nothing is exposed that shouldn't be.

Oh! I thought it was so that when they saw a pretty girl walk by things didn't fly up!

Oh good grief! And here I stand discussing this with you!

Yeh, that's the kind of friends we have. And now I'm one of them.

14 comments:

Cathy said...

I have friend like this. Even worse then this are my friends who recently got married...the men had on cao vets/ties sets. The women wore black tops with Camo Skirts...And they actually looked cute. But yes..just a little redneck...

Flea said...

Omigosh! This is HYSTERICAL!!!!! I had no idea about the weighted bag. But your rendition of this event is hilarious!

I'm part Scottish, but it's never interested me. Plaid makes me look fat. :)

Karen Deborah said...

heee heee I am crackin up and too think that I worried once about talking about butts! Nuts and bolt! hahahahahhahaaa. Rednecks in skirts, i am dyin here.

Michelle said...

Ohhh now that sounds like a fun reception. But what, no pictures? ;) I wanna see all the kilts, but no nuts and bolts thank yee. Is the purse thing the sporran?

Good luck with the corn maze!

Melissa said...

OMG, I would have loved to have been a fly on the wall. I would have died laughing!

David said...

Hi Karen,

What a great post, I loved the reference to purses.

As a Scot I find it apt that your redneck friend went to Scotland to get married, and better still brought a kilt back with him.

If he or yourself would like more information on kilts then please visit my site at www.your-kilt.com

kind Regards,

David.

Kidzmama said...

I had no idea how a kilt functions. Thank you for the education.

I read your posts almost everyday and am amazed (maize, ha!) at everything you do.

anglophilefootballfanatic.com said...

I begged Puppy to don the kilt at our wedding. I even had my BIL pull his bagpipe out of mothballs to practice playing - but alas, he refused. Damn shame.

And the "purse" is called a sporran. It also held food & was a bit of armor during swordfights.

Karen said...

Oh Karen........I haven't laughed like that in a long time. I have plenty of Scott's and Redneck's in my family tree to find this both highly comical and a bit disturbing.

Marmarbug said...

You know I never knew there ws a purpose for those purse deals. Good to know!

caramama said...

I never knew there was a purpose for the purses either! That's too funny that your friend thought it was in case they saw a pretty girl. Hysterical!

Two weekends ago, we went to a wedding where the groom and his father wore kilts also. And they are a bit country as well. I wonder what that's all about...

My boys are Army Brats said...

LMAO that's all I can say!

Aimee said...

Oh mama, do I have kilt stories for you!

Rob is 100% Scottish and proud of it. His parents are from Scotland (not American citizens), with the accent and everything. I could listen to his mom recite the phone book - I love to listen to her.

Rob got married in a kilt, in his family's tartan, and I learned all about the important and indispensable pieces of a kilt.

1. The kilt itself has to be the right length. None of this shorty-short cheerleader length kilt nonsense. When a man kneels, the hem of the kilt should just touch the ground.

2. The "purse" is called a sporran, and while it IS useful in keeping certain parts down, ahem, it was traditionally used to keep personal items. Like flasks of whiskey and other handy things for battle and travel.

3. Ideally, the wearer should have a kilt pin, which is usually a big pin shaped like a sword or some other manly thing. It is VERY useful in combatting the effect of a sudden gust of wind on a kilt flap. If you get my drift.

4. And lastly, you do know that if you are going full out with a traditional kilt you are not supposed to wear anything underneath, right? Oh yes, my friend. Rob always jokes that if you're wearing anything under a kilt, then it's just called a skirt.

They also traditionally wear a dagger inside one of the socks. The dagger is called a "sgian dubh" and, no, I can't pronounce it either. :)

I'm telling you, a kilt can be way sexy on a man with some killer legs.

Not that I would know anything about that.

Now I'm off to take care of my FOUR children.

Ahem.

Colleen said...

I'm glad that the only men I ever saw in kilts were bonafide, card-carrying bag-pipers, complete with the knowledge on how to sit, appropriate hemlines, and weighted bags. But I do think seeing a handful of rednecks in kilts would be pretty funny to see...may have to do a Google image search...