Marriage In The Geriatric Years

Sam and I are incredibly romantic. We had a conversation that went something like this just the other day:

Me (while sitting on the toilet): I need toilet paper. Can you get me some?

Him: You're supposed to check that before you sit down.

Me: Yeh, but that's what you're here for.

Him: I don't see why it's my job to take care of you.

Me: Hey, at least I'm not asking you to wipe me. Yet.

Him: That's one job I'll never do.

Me: I feel the love, dear. Well it's your choice. Pay a home health nurse to do it for you, or pay to have the carpet cleaned weekly when I drag myself across it like a dog.


I'm just kinda offended that he wouldn't care for me in my old age. I mean, him working in the medical field makes him susceptible to all kinds of interesting things like this. And yet he won't consider it in a loving act for the love of his life. He just needs to remember that I own the majority of the guns in the house and was once a deadly aim.

18 comments:

Karen MEG said...

Karen, I'm just cracking up here! What a comeback "drag myself across it like a dog!".
I don't doubt, though, that when the need arises, he will pull through. They just don't want to admit it before they really have to.

anglophilefootballfanatic.com said...

I hope you said that to him. He deserved it. And, I've had that "check before you sit" thrown at me 100s of times. Assholes!

Karen said...

I can't quit laughing long enough to write a decent comment. The visuals playing in my head are too funny.

Melissa said...

I guess it's good to know where you stand...and obviously it's in the you wipe yourself until you die aisle...;)

Karen Deborah said...

oooh very funny wording; I am glad I'm not ALONE IN THE ROMANCE DEPARTMENT. He will too, take care of you, he's just mouthin off. A deadly aim huh? I'm sorry but I get mental pictures and you scootin across the rug like a dog is just killin me.
I may have another asthma attack.

Flea said...

You'll be wiping his butt and outlive him and he knows it.

the planet of janet said...

oh. my. GAWD.

i'm dying from this. i swear our marriages were separated at birth!!!!!!

Burgh Baby said...

Y'know, the image of you dragging your bare ass across the carpet isn't quite how I was expecting to start my day.

mommaof4wife2r said...

awwwww...what a sweet hubs! ha!

pb&j in a bowl said...

Bwah hahahaha! That is so funny. It sounds just like a conversation my hubs and I would have.

Trisha said...

No one wants to think about that kind of stuff until they have to! Give the poor guy a break!

Of course, he should have just given you the darn toilet paper.

utmomof5 said...

Ahh so glad to hear the romance is still alive and strong at your house :)

JennyH said...

Great conversation. You just really crack me up!

Colleen - Mommy Always Wins said...

A-ha-ha-ha-ha!!!

That's one way to keep the 'spark' in your marriage, that's for sure!!!

CC said...

I LOVE it! Great way to keep the marriage alive.

And I really need to learn to shoot a gun. It sounds VERY useful.

Michelle said...

Oh my goodness! Now that's real intimacy. oh that cracks me up.

Shellie said...

That "cracks" Michelle up? Just thinking he'd better start taking care of that crack of yours before he gets filled full of lead. How romantic!! I'm jealous.

Damama T said...

Don't worry, he'll come around. Hubby told me once that he'd divorce me if I ever hit 200 lbs. I tested that theory. He lied. It is amazing what love can conquer - even stinky but wipes!