The Irony of Parenting

Isn't it funny how you know exactly how to raise kids before you have any of your own? Remember all the theories that you had but were way too wise to share with others because even then you knew that unsolicited advice was just plain annoying? Remember how you were going to show the world how parenting should look when you had a child of your own?

Remember how you became a parent and were really glad that you never shared all those words of wisdom because you now realize that you'd look like the biggest hypocrite that ever parented a child?

Funny how life is, isn't it?

One of my biggest pet peeves, pre-kids, was snotty nosed children. I mean, really. How hard is it to get a kleenex and wipe a nose. People had to be all kinds of gross and lazy to just let their kids' nose run into his mouth. And then when that tongue comes out to catch the flow I barfed a little in my mouth just watching it. Those parents were the worst.

I'll give you one guess as to what kind of parent I am.

I've learned, just like you did, that noses run faster than Superman, and a snot slick is something to be feared. If you have ever wiped the yellowish goo just as it's peeking from the nostrils, you have learned that it's simply the beginnings of a perpetually spewing booger volcano. There is nothing that will dry that stuff up, your child will learn to hate Kleenex more than he hates healthy foods, and he will run like you are trying to make him nap when he sees you coming with an offending hanky in hand.

My children are snotty nosed and crusty when they have colds. I have since learned that this means one thing: I am a gross and lazy mom. I am another victim of the Snotty Toddler, and I have the crusty remains on my clothes to prove it.



(I'm also, apparently, the kind of mom that doesn't wipe the blood off her child's finger when he smashes it in a door the day before.)

17 comments:

Pam said...

I too am a gross and lazy mom. Riley has had a constant runny nose since October. Gross and lazy it is then!

Melissa said...

And yet all 4 of your children are growing to be fine little people...it's all good, Mom! :)

Karen Deborah said...

stinkin hilarious, how about a suction set up?

(Keri) Auburn Gal Always said...

I'm so glad to "know" you. You make me feel so good about myself. I might actually be "normal" after all.

Lucky is one of those freaks of toddlerhood that actually will get his own Puffs Plus and try to blow his nose.

He turned 2 in January.

I'm afraid I have an Adrian Monk in the making.

Karen said...

Ya....I relate. We call that look the glazed donut.

SuburbanCorrespondent said...

Also, if you wipe it too much, the kid starts crying because the skin under his nose gets all raw. No-win situation!

imbeingheldhostage said...

bluahbluah booger posts... why? I can catch vomit (if I reeeeally have to), clean poop, pee, blood-- but boogers and snot are NOT in my job description.

Poor little Micah, why are slamming his fingers in the door?

justmylife said...

I love people who do tell you exactly how they plan to raise a child and how wonderful their kids will be taken care of. I love them because I can torment them when they do the same thing I have always done. Why wipe snot when they will just get more that they can wipe on your shirt or arm or where ever they can reach. heh! I think you are doing a fine job, just like every other mother in the world.

Domestic Goddess (In Training) said...

Guess what kind of mom I am? I shudder as I admit this... but I am the kind who wipes with my own sleeve!!!! I wear my son's snot. I bow my head in shame.

Donalyn said...

Fortunately, they will grow up to be productive citizens someday, snot notwithstanding. :)

SunflowerMom said...

LOL! I am so there with you.

Michelle said...

Well, I think I'm in the minority here. We never have snot river in our house... but that's because neither of the wee ones can stand that sensation. The second they feel anything moving anywhere near the nasal cavity, they run for the Kleenex. And if there's no Kleenex in range, they pick it out and wipe it on their shirts. I don't think that's any better, but ... it's different at least, right? :)

JennyH said...

I'm with you. really, can anyone wipe that much snot up? I admit too, I use my shirt all the time on my kids. It totally grosses my hubby out!

Very cute picture BTW.

Krista said...

I agree - that and dirty faces! I used to wonder how people could take their kids to the store with a dirty face. "Is it too hard to wipe their face before they take them out?" I'm just lucky if I make it to the store with MY face clean and no snot running down MY face!

just jamie said...

"I'll NEVER let my kids be babysat by the TV."

Hahahahaha...!

Yeah, right. "Max and Ruby" is literally blasting right now. Thank goodness. :)

caramama said...

So well said!

For me, it was unbrushed hair. I mean, how hard is it to brush your child's hair before they leave the house?! And now I know that sometimes it's more than hard--it's impossible, or at least not worth the battle that would ensue. And even if you do, they play for a minute and it gets all messy again, especially super active/rolly/climby ones like my little girl!

Trannyhead said...

I hate the nose wiping! Though it's so SO much better than the nose suctioning. SOOO much better. That being said, I am perpetually in a snot cocoon during cold season thanks to having someone else's snot all over me. Hawt.