You Can't Even Blame HGTV

While I love my dogs, there are pitfalls to owning and raising them.

Pretend that you're shocked.

My vet bill is one of those pitfalls. Actually, the vet's office itself is a pit that I randomly throw money into. Or maybe it's the vet that takes my money. We're now buying pig feed directly from him instead of the feed mill, and the last time he brought two bags out he was rather clueless on how much to charge us. He said he'd bill us, but that's been two weeks and we're in need of more again. I prefer forking over Hamiltons rather than Grants. And we're nearing Grant status, I'm sure.

Another pitfall of having dogs is the mess they make. I am not Martha Stewart, nor have I ever been. Couple that with the fact that we have four kids, eight dogs, and live in the country with four acres of grass clippings and a perpetual landscape project going on complete with tons of dirt and/or mud, the house that is four years old looks like the homeless have taken it over. You think I'm kidding, but I'm not.

I have invested in this handy little invention called the steam mop, courtesy of Haan, and have fallen in love with that thing. My floors are sanitized frequently with little effort. Sanitized, mind you, not just cleaned. And as I'm steaming my floors clean, the dogs are walking behind me enjoying the warmth on their wee paw pads, leaving their paths of destruction drying in their wake. I just can't win. I may as well paint paw prints on the floor and join them.

Come to think of it, that might not be a bad idea.

And then I had that brilliant idea last fall to put the puppies in the wire crates instead of the plastic travel type. Hoo-boy did that backfire on me. We keep dog crates in the dining room because while it's very much front and center where we can keep an eye on puppies at all times, it's also very much in a private little corner so that the mom-dog doesn't feel overwhelmed with the busy house living around her newborns.

Those wire crates allowed more light and life in for the puppies, and it also allowed them to reach right through the wire and claw holes in our drywall. Big holes. Holes that are glaringly plaster white against yellow paint. Dumb dogs. I fear fixing those holes because even if I have paint left over to match that yellow, what are the odds of it still matching? Four years of no window treatments (hey, I like light, okay?) have most likely faded those walls a tad.

I have a plan. It's called chair rail, and I'll paint the dining room walls red underneath that. I am genius. Sam has a plan to make classy raised panel squares under the chair rail. He, too, is genius.

And inspired by our strokes of genius (or was it simply that we had strokes?) we are also attempting to paint the living room walls in a funky faux leather affect. It'll either look chic and classy, or like the dogs rolled in feces and rubbed along the walls. While one is very much desirable, the other most certainly is not.

Wish us luck. We love our dogs, but we don't want our home decorated in Shades of Poo.


BeautifulWreck said...

God bless you. I god sat for 12 days. 12 days too long. At first it was a cute little puppy, then by day six this little puppy was the spawn of Satan.

utmomof 5 said...

Be sure and take some pictures so we can see!! Good luck with the non shade of poo look. :)

My Two Army Brats said...

I would be happy with my carpet being just one shade of tan instead of 8 shades of different browns compliments of dirty feet having kids and dogs and friends!

Good luck with the wall!

Karen Deborah said...

bwahaha shades of poo, you are a crack up. A lady that hs my dream dogs has a website called Solo Standards. She has a farm in Nebraska and raise standard poodles in the royal size category. All of that to say GO look at her breeding box, it is a class act. Now Micah would probably climb in it too, but you know your smart, you can figure out a lot of stuff.

I have had brown walls before and it got old for me too dark. I do however love the red shades my kitchen pictures are really accurate it's a salmony orangey red and not sick of it at all.

sounds like you have your work cut out for you.

8 dogs? you looking to retire anybody?
do you have pennhip certs and all that?

your buying pig feed from the vet? don't you have a feed store? Our ACE hardware store carries feed.

You have an AMAZING life.

the planet of janet said...

two words:

rat dogs.

that is all...

Karen said...

My Two Army Brats - tearing out the carpet is the next thing on the agenda. Ours is more like two shades of brown, light with dark spots. Everywhere. I've reached the point where I'm embarrassed to have company over. I'm even embarrassed to wake up in the morning and walk downstairs. But waiting until Micah is potty trained would be smart. We're also waiting to save the cash.

Becoming Mommy said...

Ugh...Mud season.
A time of year only dog owners and parents of little boy seem to know about.

Because of those kerry blue face wipes and little boy hand prints all over our walls, I've considered putting in real wood, tongue and groove wainscotting. And just shellacing the living daylights out of it so it wipes off when it gets too bad. Something with lots of grain so a smear or two won't show. Unless it's smears of strawberry...Nothing seems to hide that bright red.

Flea said...

Oh what fun! I LOVE doing faux finishes on walls! I so wish I lived nearby and could come over to play!

Domestic Goddess (In Training) said...

I hear you and I only have three kids and two dogs and I have taken to calling them "Stupid Dogs" more often than their names. (I mean the dogs, by the way... not the kids. Yet.)

Michelle said...

Oh Karen, you make me giggle. I was thinking maybe you should steam the puppy paws and sanitize them.... ;) AND I just bought a Shark yesterday at Costco (so I can return easily if need be) and am SOOO excited to play with it. Especially since the cleaning ladies were here today so I can see how much cleaner it makes an already "clean" floor. I'm sick, I know.

Andrea said...

I think your chair rail and paint idea sounds wonderful!!! And I agree. With dogs, boys, and living in the country one just can't seem to keep a house clean. It's just never endi g.