Unquestionably

*Today's post contains some highly controversial subjects. While we could all argue and finger point about them, I'd rather that you didn't. I'm just asking that you keep an open mind and listen to what I'm saying.



Micah probably spends too much time shopping with Becky and I, and what we do, Micah does. If look for a new purse, Micah shops for one, too. His favorite color is pink, and unfailingly he always chooses the brightest pink that he can. There was that one day that we stayed around the accessories department for the sheer entertainment value that Micah provided us.

He started innocently enough with a Get Your Rock On hat, in hot pink. He found the coordinating tote bag (also emblazoned with Get Your Rock On) and carried that over the crook of his arm to show Becky. We couldn't help but get involved at this point, so we pointed him in the direction of the belts. He found a pink one and loved that I was willing to wrap it around him. He wasn't sure what to do with the scarf, and while deciding whether or not it really accessorized with the ensemble, he spied the glasses. He loves to try on glasses. He found a pair of pink sunglasses to wear. He was so tickled with himself.

So the other day we were in Wal-Mart and I was walking through the purse aisle because I'm coming to realize that I have an obsession. Micah wasn't complaining though because he found a brightly striped purse to carry. This, of course, prompted him to accessorize. He found a men's straw hat and an over sized purple umbrella. He was quite the sight.

Becky laughed at each new addition, but when he added the pink backpack to the get-up she said, "I think he's gay."

I smiled, because he does have an unerring ability to find pink. And loves ladies' accessories. Becky said, "What if he would be gay?" To which I replied rather off-hand, in the light tone in which we were discussing Micah's accessory choices, "well, I'd still love him.

"No, really. What if he would grow up to be gay?"

The light tone became a weight that hung between us. It was one of those parenting moments that you instantly recognize as a teachable one. In one brief semi-second the world stopped short where I stood while the rest of it rushed around me like a vortex. In that tiny moment I did some incredible soul searching before answering.

I was raised to believe that the Bible is the ultimate authority. In recent years I have questioned a lot of what I've been taught, and have come to realize that I use the Bible as my guide because I choose to believe it, and not from default. I believe the Bible when it says that children should obey their parents. I believe that breaking the Ten Commandments is wrong, both in tiny things like white lies and coveting, as well as big things like adultery and murder. And I believe that homosexuality is not looked upon favorably by the Creator of the Universe. For Micah to grow up gay would be a sin. What would I do?

Just as quickly as the world stopped rushing headlong into tomorrow, I knew the answer. From that space deep inside your soul that knows beyond a shadow of a doubt that you would throw yourself overboard to save your child from drowning, I knew that I would love Micah anyway. But my love for him wasn't what was being questioned. And I also knew that no matter what any of my children did, I would always love them. That's what a mother does.

I answered Becky's question. "I'd still love him."

"But the Bible says that it's wrong. What would you do about that if he made the choice to go against God's will?"

"He would still be my son, and I'd love him no matter what. Like any of my kids when they're doing something that they shouldn't, I'd try to help him. But whether he chose to accept my help or not, that would never change the fact that I love him. I would never disown a child of mine for anything that they would do. God doesn't disown His children when they sin, why should I think that my standards are higher than His?"

And I meant it, because I'm his mom.

31 comments:

Leanne said...

Not much I can add to that, except 'I agree'. Well posted/said.

JennyH said...

I have nothing against gayness.

I often wonder about Joe myself. He does some 'interesting' things. And if he does grow up liking men, I'll be able to look back and say "well, I guess there were some signs." But really, I think it's just a little kid thing. My nephew loved pink. everything had to be pink. Now that he is 5 he doesn't like pink anymore, or baby dolls and all that girly type stuff.

Joe threw a fit the other day at my eye appointment b/c out of all the stickers offered, they didn't have a princess one!

You paint a colorful picture about Micah trying on all the goodies!

Pam said...

Your answer- brought a tear to my eye! Can you be my mom too?

Becoming Mommy said...

Actually, I read something that said, developmentally, all little children are drawn to more traditionally feminine textiles. Something about them is more stimulating to their senses.

This means Micah is just a normal little boy.

As for gay, I thought that the Bible only said it was wrong because basically all sins of the flesh are. You can't help thoughts or feelings so...well, you know what I'm getting at.

I hope Micah has lots of fluffy, pink and sparkly accessories to dress in!

ds.mama said...

Unconditional love... as it should be.

Don't worry about this phase though... my boys both went through it. Bottom line is that girly stuff is just so much more attractive to young eyes... maybe old eyes too, lol!

designHER Momma said...

I think this post is very honest and I love your answer. In my mind, I've wrestled with these same questions and come up with the same answer.

the planet of janet said...

*jumps to her feet and applauds wildly*

and you know why ...

love you.

anticsofacrazymom said...

My 5 year old son asked me to paint his toenails this weekend, and I did much to his father's delight. I'd love and support my kids no matter what. Unless they were clubbing baby seals........

Trisha said...

I agree with you - he is your son and you will always love him. Plus - the Bible says that you should love your neighbors as yourself - even if they are sinners. It is God's job to judge not ours. It is our job to love each other.

jerilynne said...

Well said...I couldn't agree more.I want you to be my mom too..

Fishsticks and Fireflies said...

How freakin' cute is he with his hat and purse?! It isn't too hard to picture, because Cooper is the exact same way . . . he is just about as into princess-y things as Maren is (which really isn't that much, but is enough to mildly freak my husband out.)

I was at the University of Wyoming when Matthew Shepard was beaten and killed. To this day I am still in awe of the polarization that the subject of homosexuality created. I think ultimately it comes down to one thing: you can despise the sin, but that doesn't mean you have to despise the sinner. No matter what Micah grows up to do or be, he will always be your son and will always be loved - and that is all that matters. Great post!

Molly C said...

This is a post all parents should read. Thank you

Chelsie said...

You are a fantastic mother! My parents hold the same belief as you and i have seen them time and again find ways to overcome obtsacles of their faith to love their children, just the way it should be.

Burgh Baby said...

*applauds*

Viv said...

They warn you that marriage is 'for better or worse' but with parenting it is expected to be learned on the job. I will always love my children, no matter how hard it might be for me to like them, or when I might disagree mightily with them.

I don't think that your post was controversial, I think it was good, loving, common sense.

The Sports Mama said...

"...God doesn't disown His children when they sin, why should I think that my standards are higher than His?"

This statement? Covers a multitude of things a parent should always remember.

You rock.

Aimee said...

Gutsy post, mama -- and also totally AWESOME. I concur!

HalfAsstic.com said...

Of course you wouldn't. A mother's love conquers all. And I truly believe that if he did turn out to be gay, God would still love him the same, too. After all, he made him the way he is. With a purpose in mind.

(Keri) Auburn Gal Always said...

You very clearly and concisely expressed your beliefs, their origins and your unconditional Christ-like love for your children. So many times Christians are guilty of throwing the baby out with the bathwater over homosexuality. And herein lies the whole "judge not lest you be judged" issue. As Christians, we have a set of morals to live by. When we fail to meet those moral standards, our actions are sin. And sin can be judged.


Similarly, although I will not tell a child they are dumb, there are times when I've had to laugh and tell Sissy that a particular ACTION was, in fact, not the smartest thing. Doing something dumb does not make someone dumb.

But to stop loving someone for their sins is wrong.

To treat someone disrespectfully because of their sins is equally wrong.

God made them. He loves them. They sin. I sin. He doesn't love them any less than me. In God's eyes, my sins are equal to anyone else's.

I would love to see some pictures of Micah modeling a complete ensemble of his choosing!

Good job!

Bluepaintred said...

"He would still be my son, and I'd love him no matter what. Like any of my kids when they're doing something that they shouldn't, I'd try to help him. But whether he chose to accept my help or not, that would never change the fact that I love him. I would never disown a child of mine for anything that they would do. God doesn't disown His children when they sin, why should I think that my standards are higher than His?"

PERFECTION. excuse me while I go retweet this post on twitter and click "share" in my feed reader.

If only all parents understood the unconditional part of loving a child

Allison Says said...

::applauds::

(This is why, even though we disagree on some things, I still big puffy heart you.)

sneakerart said...

It is a fact that males(boys and men) are naturally attracted to pink. We are just wired that way.(I like Hello Kitty myself)

utmomof 5 said...

Well said. I couldn't agree more!!

Roger said...

I cannot think of anything that any of my children can do that would make me not love them, except maybe recording over my favorite Stargate episode. :)

Seriously though, God doesn't hate a person for being a homosexual, however He does disapprove of the act of fornication, and that goes for heterosexuals as well. He also knows that we are all sinners, and I believe that He will forgive us all, eventually. At least that's my opinion, for what it's worth.

Now if one of my kids lost my LOST DVDs, that IS unforgivable. :)

Karen Deborah said...

I'd like to see him in the hat and purse. I think he enjoys life, and playing and likes pretty colors and that is all there is to it. Boys and men love pink, it's the calming color.
and well said.

Michelle said...

I can only imagine the getup. How fun! And what a cutie. Developmentally, totally appropriate, too, btw!

And I have one minor quibble that I'm trying so hard not to quibble on... so I won't.

The statement that you'll love your child no matter what -- that's all that matters. I keep trying to reinforce that with the wee ones. Fingers crossed it sticks with them.

Michelle said...

Oh and did I mention that my favorite part of the post is the fact that there's a sticker with "always a winner" behind Micah in the picture?

Gina said...

I think that regardless of our religious beliefs, we would all love our kids no matter what (although I know there are some terrible exceptions out there). I don't have the same religious objections to homosexuality, and I know I would be supportive of my child, but I would be lying if I didn't admit that it would throw me for a loop. I don't think any mother is ever prepared for something that falls outside of our basic within the norm expectations (and I am not saying that it is not "normal", just that it is unexpected).

There are people out there who probably ask what would we do if our baby were Downs, but you have shown that it doesn't matter - you love them anyway.

And the image of Micah in all the accessories had me in stitches.

Flea said...

Good answer, mom. But next time? Take pictures of Micah in pink, please? :)

Melvin said...

This is a post all parents should read....
Thanks for sharing...
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Melvin
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Wineplz said...

You have to be one of the wisest people I know.