Swimmy Smidgets

Becky and I were talking about swimming, which led to the whole swimsuit controversy, and the unfairness of it all. Seriously, men have no issues with fit or style or coverage in the swim department. They go buy a pair of trunks, put them on, and swim. It's that simple. They've got the choice of pockets vs. no pockets, and color. And while that sounds incredibly boring, there are days that it would be very nice. I'm speaking from a woman's perspective. (And I'm NOT speaking about speedos. Those things need to be worn as swimcaps on the head and nowhere else.)

So here are a few thoughts on things.

Why are bikinis as expensive as one-pieces? Or a bottom and a tankini? Clearly there is far less material and labor involved in the making of it.

Why are women expected to show cleavage and bare midriffs while swimming? And why is it acceptable to be grossed out over stretch marked midriffs but nobody makes a move to cover a man's overlapping keg, covered in hair. *shudder*

I have a bone to pick with Michael Phelps. Thanks to him, men all over the kiddie pool area at the amusement park think they should wear their trunks low enough to see things that shouldn't be seen. Like the fact that you had to shave to sport the look. Please, for the love of eyesight and digested food, cover it up. ALL OF IT. Unroll your waistbands, pull up the shorts, and keep the growing stubble hidden from the world's view. *double shudder* *swallow down the bile*

Also related, why do women who are wearing spare tires and carrying around the extra baby weight (from all their children combined) think they can squeeze themselves into swimwear clearly designed for teens with no body development yet? If it's oozing out of the cut-outs like Pillsbury dough from a can, it's just not a good fit. Trust me on this one. If you bend over and have to tuck your bewbs back in, it's also not a good fit. Now you know why I loathe public pools. And why I never, ever wear a swimsuit. Well, not until I got that fun swim dress that could double as a top in public. See? Covering things that others dont' need to see. You're welcome.

And why are women so self-conscious of things (well, women with half a brain in their heads) when men clearly think they are the answer to every woman's prayers? Case in point: as Becky and I were discussing the merits of swimwear and the unfairness of swimwear pricing and coverage, Luke felt the need to declare that it's all good. Actually he said, "sometimes you just have to bust out the manliness." Being that he's all of 9 years old, I'm not entirely sure he knows whereof he speaks.

It starts at such an early age.

7 comments:

Roger said...

I think women get the short end of the stick ALL.THE.TIME. when it domes to fashion. Be it swim-wear or just every day wear, and I have never understood it. I also never had to really worry too much about it with the exception of my wife's purchases. However, I have three girls that are soon to be hip deep in their teen years (shudder) so I am becoming more and more aware of the inconsistencies in pricing, etc. Heck, I don't even want to talk about it anymore. :)

Karen Deborah said...

humm ever since I found Lands End kindest cut one piece suits that is all I wear. The legs are not high the BEWBS are not low. The straps stay put. The back is not so low that a butt crack shows. They are SWIMMING suits for exercise. They look just like the suits that life guards always wore. Whenever people complain about suits I always tell them about these. They even have suits that hold your fat in if you want some extra girdle like holding power. I know my body is overweight and doesn't look good in any suit. But that's what I wear and I SWIM, 3 x's a week. The swimming is going to pay off too, my body is going to start looking better. When it does I'll get another "kindest cut" in a smaller size.

and as for hairy men with big bellies in speedos--that is the stuff of nightmares. EEEEEWWWWWWWW

this really is a cute post.

bluepaintred said...

i cannot for the life of me find a swimdress. I LOVE yours! on ebay all I can find are "swim dress coverups" but I dont know enough to tell if that is the same thing or not! help a girl out with some linkage!

Trisha said...

Amen to everything you say about the unfairness of the swimsuit issue between the genders!

Becoming Mommy said...

I gave up years ago on the traditional woman's suit and started dressing more like a man for swimming.
not because of weight, but because of my pastiness and tendancy to get sunburnt while indoors (no, I'm not kidding).
I got a neoprene top with long sleeves, a bikini (for support etc.), and a pair of trunks with the SPF in them. I picked cute colors and patterns (lime and black with hibiscus print).
And bingo...female body issues taken care of as well as the danger of burning in weird spots.

Yeah, it's a bit "buhrkini", but it puts female swimwear on par with mens!

caramama said...

I want pockets in my clothes! Seriously, what is wrong with useable pockets? If men have them (even in bathing suits, where it makes the MOST sense), why can't we?

designHER Momma said...

Michael Phelps is good for nobody. This is coming from a person that has actually met him.