Santa Crossed a Line

I have scoffed at the idea of the Elf on a Shelf in past years. The idea that Santa is watching the kids daily is enough to freak them out, but telling the kids that an elf is spying on them and reporting back to Santa will make a kid swear off Christmas forever.

I am, however, chuckling at the antics I've seen families put that elf up to. It also baffles me. It's expected for an elf to be sneaky and mischievous, but he'll tattle to Santa if the kids do the same? Double standard much? And have you seen the elf? It reminds me of something that could be called Chuckie's younger sibling. I'll admit that it scares me. A lot.

So we've not jumped on the Elf on the Shelf boat that's been floating around. But this year I changed my mind. What? I'm a woman, and have that choice. I also have the right to change the rules if that elf is in my house.

So here are the rules for my house:

1. I am using a Santa that I had in the crates of stored Christmas, because I refuse to spend money on an elf that we don't have.

2. I did not tell the kids that this elf was Santa's snitch, nor that it had anything to do with Santa at all. Except the obvious fact that it is a Santa.

3. The only purpose of this elf/Santa/whatever is to provide comic relief for me while giving the kids a scavenger hunt of sorts in the morning. Where is that Santa now, and what's he up to?

And of course, the teens are in on the placing of it, because they're not about to be in on the super fun end of being excited about finding it. Come to think of it, the newly minted 11 year old is also more on the placing end than the finding end. While fun to see where it shows up in the morning, he's also quick to suggest places to put it the next day "for Micah's sake."

So pretty much, I'm hiding this Santa for Micah. And Micah is clueless about the whole thing. Which means that I'm doing all this to entertain myself. I think I need a hobby.

To clue Micah in to finding a Santa, I placed him with Woody on the first day. They sat in the undecorated tree. He was quickly found (as was intended). Day 2 found Santa typing on the keyboard, with Woody watching from the computer chair. Success on Day 2. Day 3 found Santa in the fridge, incubating an egg. Wouldn't you know that was the first morning in 3 months that Micah didn't ask for an egg sandwich? And because I had to point it out, Micah was none too amused to see it there. Day 4 found Santa driving a pink Barbie car, with Woody pinned underneath. I know it sounds morbid, but this is the stuff that Micah enacts a thousand times a day all on his own. I figured he'd be highly amused. He sat on the coffee table, playing his iPod, completely ignoring the car at his feet. But I knew from where he placed himself in the living room that he was very well aware, but chose not to play along with my shenanigans.

That car sat there all day atop Woody, with Santa behind the wheel. When Micah came home, he eventually dismantled the scene to play with Woody. And I saw him pushing the car around the kitchen, with Santa still driving. The last I saw that car, it was driven quite forcefully down the basement steps. Thankfully Sam remembered this after Micah was in bed, because I couldn't find the Santa anywhere.

There was no pink car at the bottom of the basement steps. And Santa was MIA. I searched the basement to no avail. I opened the door into the workshop side, and the car was there, behind the door. Santa was not. Santa was nowhere to be found. Day 5 was the day Santa was kidnapped by Micah for running Woody down. It was a full 24 hours before Santa was found, locked in a spare dog crate in the basement.

I'm guessing I crossed a line with Santa. I now fear for my life in the event that I tick Micah off someday. The boy wanders much in the night. I sleep through a lot. It's not a good combination.