The Game Of Golf

I have always thought the game of golf looked like a good time. I envisioned myself playing with a bunch of ladies, who also have no idea how to play, and laughing our way across the greens as we lose balls in ponds, woods and in people's lawns who live near the golf course. I've never done more than think about this scenario until yesterday, when I told Sam that I wanted to go golfing. He raised one eyebrow in an amused fashion and said, "You do, do you?"

Yes, I do. You're taking me.

"Woman, you're really testing our marriage, aren't you?"

So we went golfing, because my husband is awesome that way. Even though it'll most likely test his limits of patience and goodwill, he's willing to load up the clubs and take me to the local golf course. He also graciously rented a cart, which is pretty much against his religion, because he said it would be far too much for me to carry the clubs for 9 holes, and with a league coming soon we wouldn't make good enough time with me pushing a cart to keep out of their way. God bless that man. Although I was kind of thinking that walking would be good exercise.

I learned a whole lot about golf in just one game. First of all, it's nothing like the miniature version, which I rocked in my day. My day is long past, however. I can't mini golf any better than I can regular golf now. There are no fun obstacles on the course like there are at the mini places. No windmills or caves or waterfalls. Just well manicured lawn, trees, and a small pond. And woods. Lots of woods. We live in Pennsylvania, which literally means "Penn's woods." (Penn being William Penn. You're welcome for that history lesson.) I did make my own obstacle, just to make myself feel a bit more in my element. It took some incredible aim and careful planning, but I had a ball that was heading way off course ricochet off a tree branch and bounce right back onto the fairway where it belonged. That was an impressive move if I have to brag about it myself.

Also, putting is vastly different in real life than in miniature life. When I'm mini putting, I tend to really smack that ball to get it to where it needs to be, but when I tried that proven technique on the green I was quite shocked to find that the ball went almost further than when I tried driving it across the fairway to the hole. In other words, equality in putting doesn't exist. So there's that.

We'll ignore the fact that I called the whole game a practice round (which it was) and refused to keep score. I think the number of times I hit the ball on one hole probably equaled what most people golf an entire 9-hole game. Okay, maybe not, but I refused to keep score anyway. I also refused to follow rules. I made things up as I went. That ball I lost in the woods got an instant new drop and a start-over. (But that ball I lost in the woods was a great hit. I was so impressed with myself. Too bad it flew completely over the green, though.) If my ball was in the rough, I was not above kicking it back onto the shorter grass for a better chance of actually hitting the ball. And in the event that I missed the ball altogether, I deemed that a practice swing.

It didn't take me long to realize that golfing is a weird game. Kind of like a very large version of hide and seek. With a ball. We spent a lot of time driving that fun cart around looking for balls, and I realized that I'm not skilled at finding small white balls in grass. I didn't realize that was a skill until yesterday. I lack it. Probably because it has to do with sports and I lack any kind of ability when it comes to anything sports related.

But I did have fun. While my game could use some improvement, I think I may enjoy the improving of it. That is if my old and tired body can recover sufficiently to play another round. You guys, I'm so out of shape that my knees ache like the weather is changing and my arthritis is acting up. Aleve is good stuff for that. And I won't mention my sore arms, because that would just be embarrassing. But really, aside from sucking all the dignity right out of the game, I don't think I did too bad for a first time. Even Sam was pleasantly surprised at how unhorrific I was. I think he may actually be willing to take me out again some day.


The Great Movie Heist

While at Sam's aunt's home over the weekend, Micah found her stash of vintage movies. VHS tapes aren't hard to find though, it's finding something that can play them that can prove difficult. Fortunately, she had a VCR player and Micah knew how to use it.

While we were eating breakfast on Sunday morning, Micah proudly showed me the two videos he had stacked by his plate. He'd chosen The Sound of Music and Scooby Doo. We own the first and he borrows that episode of Scooby Doo from Family Video in town. That's what Micah does. He finds movies that he already knows and loves and then amasses ALL OF THEM. Sometimes he has a hard time thinking outside that box.

He asked if he could take those movies home, but I told him that they were not ours and had to stay at Aunt Barb's. He wasn't happy about this answer and asked at least 58 more times, but each time the answer was no. Aunt Barb was busy cooking in the kitchen (because that's what Aunt Barb does) so she didn't hear this conversation. When she came into the dining room to give Micah more eggs (she also spoils people), she caught him asking for the 59th time if he could take those movies home.

"Of course you can take those home, Micah! In fact, there's a whole cupboard over there that's full of them. You just look through and take whatever you want. They all need to go."

I glared at her, as much as one can glare at their hostess in all politeness. That's not what the boy needs.

Fortunately, Micah didn't catch that conversation because he was focused on his eggs. After he was done eating, he left the dining room with his videos. I figured he was saying his last goodbyes to them. Nope. He came back with a $5 bill that he'd stolen from Aunt Barb's counter, and handed it to her. As payment for the movies he wanted to take from her.

That boy. He's a schiester. But it was a win for both him and Barb. She got rid of 2 movies and Micah gained 2. Kind of. Is it a gain if we already have the one? And if we definitely don't need the other?


The Weekend Veritably Glowed

It seems that the least assuming moments are the most memorable ones, aren't they?

We didn't think we'd be able to get away to a picnic for the extended family this weekend, but on a rare occasion of star alignment things worked in our favor and we were able to go. Granted, it was a short trip because of schedules, but getting away is awesome. 

We enjoy seeing the extended family when we can, and catching up on all the news. We Saturday afternoon talking and laughing and visiting. Slowly, one by one, families packed up and headed home. Our family, however, stayed overnight to visit with Sam's aunt and uncle who were hosting the picnic. Their place is like a mini retreat complete with log home, wooded seclusion, well tended gardens, farm fresh eggs and amazing hospitality. 

Despite the vast amounts of food we grazed upon all day long, a campfire was made after dark and hot dogs and s'mores ingredients emerged. It's funny how a campfire can turn a grown adult into a kid almost instantly, and a hot dog tastes gourmet when cooked over a fire on a stick. And even more amazing is what a glow stick will do.