My Life Is Just Like That Of A Movie Star

I read a tabloid recently while standing in a checkout line about the infamous Brangelina couple.

(Don't judge me. You read them, too. They're right there, I have nothing else to do but fight with kids, and every single one of us has an unholy fascination with celebreties.)

This particular one was saying how bad of parents Brad and Angie were. Their sins? Skinny dipping at midnight, serving pizza for breakfast and loud fights.

Bwahahahaha!!!! I'm so glad they're real people.

First of all, let me clarify that I'm neither for nor against the Pitt-Jolie union. Much like any other celebrity, I don't give a flying cow chip what they do, don't do or think. It makes for interesting reading, but doesn't affect my life. In short - I don't care enough to have feelings one way or another.

But things like this just crack me up. Let's take a closer look at what they're doing wrong, shall we?

Skinny dipping at midnight. If I looked like Angelina I'd be tempted to go skinny dipping in broad daylight. What's it matter that they're doing it after the kids are asleep in their own private pool?

Eating pizza for breakfast. That has happened here more times that I can count. Sometimes because that's what I choose to eat and sometimes because Micah finds the leftovers and helps himself. Is there something wrong with that? I find pizza to be a miracle food myself. It's got breads, dairy, meat and veggies. Could it get much healthier? If I didn't run the risk of the kids learning to dislike that, too, I'd serve it for every meal.

Loud fights. Good heavens, the neighbors probably think we're killing someone daily with all the yelling that goes on here. I try not to yell so much, but the kids force me to do it. We'll just gloss over the angry-at-the-kids yelling and talk about the other yelling that goes on. We live on 4 acres. My parents are just across the road. It's a daily occurrence to yell for kids to come inside, to have a loud conversation with my parents while we're standing on our front porches (that usually ends in a "CALL ME! I CAN'T HEAR!"), or yelling for dogs. And then there's the whole big-house thing. The kids claim they can't hear me when they're upstairs. I call for them in my indoor-loud voice and get zero answer. I go to the bottom of the steps and yell. Still nada. So I put my hands to my mouth and lift my voice to the heavens. The whole world hears me, and miraculously even the kids do.

The kicker is that my house is only 2500 sq. ft. Imagine if I lived in a McMansion. I can truly believe that there's a lot of yelling going on in that house of Brangelina fame. After all, they're real people. Angie asks Brad to take out the trash. He "doesn't hear." She asks louder, he turns up the television to drown her out. She throws the trash at him and screams bloody murder.

It's only what any couple would do.

31 comments:

Beth from the Funny Farm said...

Hey! I must be a celebrity! I've done all three of these things. Plan to repeat them all too! *laughing!*

Alaina said...

Love the post! It's so funny because it's true!

pb&j in a bowl said...

So, so true. It sure is hard being a star isn't it?

Fishsticks and Fireflies said...

I LOVE celebrity gossip! For some reason it makes me feel a little more normal. Hearing the Brad and Angie are normal makes me feel a whole lot better about myself.

utmomof5 said...

Skinny dipping in broad daylight!! Could you imagine the rukus that would cause!! I am smiling just thinking about the headline for that one. Hee Hee!!

Great post!!!

Sandy C. said...

I love reading how celeb's are just as mundane as regular folk. Makes me feel all glam while shoving pizza down my piehole at 8am ;)

Poltzie said...

Yeah, If I looked like Angelina I'd be wearing my panties to the grocery store!

Andrea said...

LOL!! I read those too!! And boy if those are things wrong then I am in big trouble!! LOL!! I think pizza might be better for ya than some doughnuts. And I am with you with going skinny dipping. I so would too if I looked like her.

Michelle said...

Pizza is bad?

And if I had her body, I would live in a nudist colony. Forget just skinny dipping.

And I meant to ask -- did you hear back from Dynavox at all?

Karen Deborah said...

Yep you hit the nail on the head!

Karen said...

Yes, I too have to look at the tabloids in line at the grocery store. I especially love the completely absurd headlines. "Three headed man gets brain transplant." You know the type. I wonder how a person develops such an imagination. As for Brangelina, I am glad that they are human too.

Trisha said...

Isn't it a law that you HAVE to read the tabloid headlines while in line at the grocery store? Hmmmm. Someone misinformed me. Oh well - I am too habituated to stop now!

Irene said...

Oh I so know what you mean about the yelling! I am trying to tone it down, I forget that in summer, with all the windows and doors open, my voice is most likely being carried throughout the entire neighborhood!

Yup, Brangelina sounds normal to me! However, do you really think Mr. Pitt takes out his own garbage?

imbeingheldhostage said...

Yelling, pizza and skinning dipping. sounds perfectly normal to me. (Micah has one of these things down perfect) :-)

Debbie Yost said...

Pizza for breakfast was one of my staples in college. Still eat it sometimes. How can it be worse than bacon and eggs. Hey, at least they're eating breakfast. I tend to skip it. I do at least make sure the kids eat something though. Gonna go eat a powder donut now. Yeah, that's healthy.

Spammon said...

Pizza for breakfast should put them on the A-list of good parenting! I mean, if I could have cold pizza every morning for breakfast for the rest of my life I would be one happy little boogar.

Fannie Mae said...

Lucky us; without the constant presence of paparazzi, what we yell at our spouse about or feed our kids for breakfast doesn't make the headlines!

twithhoney said...

If that's bad parenting then I wonder what the paparazzi would think of the things we blog about. Sheesh!

Becoming Mommy said...

Wow...I too must be a celebrity. We have some very loud yelling (Hubby is legitimately hard of hearing and we're both of mediterranean descent. We are compelled to shout.).
And even though I have the furthest thing from Angelina's body, I'd skinny dip at night if we had a pool and a privacy fence. If I had her body, I'd just walk around nude in broad daylight to brag.
Pizza for breakfast...what family doesnt' do that?

Tammy and Parker said...

Okay. True confession. I just call my kids that are downstairs on their cell phones from my house phone upstairs.

And I seriously love cold pizza for breakfast.

caramama said...

Who writes these things? Definitely people without kids, if they really think that's being a bad parent!

Pizza for breakfast sounds healthier than the donuts or sugary cereal that many of us eat.

And forget about my body. If I had the chance to see Mr. Pitt naked? I would insist on skinny dipping all the time!

Jenn said...

I agree things like that are written by people with no kids or people that have others to raise their kids and don't have a clue what really goes on in their kids lives!

JennyH said...

So true!! Max pretty much lives on pizza so yeah, it has it for breakfast a lot.

Funny post!

Burgh Baby's Mom said...

So what you're saying is that it really was YOU I heard yelling "Micaaaaaah" last night. Good to know that you can be heard so far away.

HalfAsstic.com said...

Amen sista! I DO NOT see the attraction to celebrities that has the rest of the world so transfixed. The Entertainment channel could fall off the face of the earth and I wouldn't care but certain people in my household would curl up and die. heh heh heh...

Flea said...

I have never, ever been skinny dipping. But the other two? Fo sho. Know what's better for breakfast? Burger King Whopper. Better yet? Pumpkin pie! Pumpkin is so good for you! With fresh eggs and milk. Mmm. Don't get me started about the yelling ...

Karen Deborah said...

I know we just met, or i met you anyway and your children. I put an award for you on my blog.

Leanne said...

Um, I had Oreos for breakfast this morning. Pizza looks like the breakfast for champions over here! And no, I didn't let the kids have any..until they had some cereal. :)

My boys are Army Brats said...

Too funny! Good writing! I love that even the celebs are real live human beings with flaws. I might read a headline or two but I no longer allow myself to touch the tabloids with my bare hands. Its addictive and I've been clean since I was 19 and used to read the tabloids all the time!

Colleen said...

so if that's bad family-life, what would mine be considered?

just jamie said...

Dude, we should totally be famous.