Stinker Bell

That Dog. You know, the newest one on the block. The Boston Terrier that belongs to my daughter. That one.

The daughter. The only one that we have. The one that begged for her dog before the agreed-upon date. The one who couldn't wait to train it for agility. Who was frustrated that we used an overland delivery service instead of the airline, thus making her wait an extra month to get the puppy.

The puppy that poops on our floor. Because puppies don't come housebroken. They're like kids that way. I hate potty training kids and I hate housebreaking dogs. You'd think I'd not have so many of either, wouldn't you? Obviously I have learning issues. Maybe I just can't be taught. But we'll address that another day.

The daughter, who wanted The Dog, has made it a point to be away most of the days that her new dog has been here. Can she stay overnight at her aunt's and babysit her niece? Can she stay at a friend's house? (No, not her boyfriend.) Can she stay at grandma's? How can I say no since summer is all too short and school will be here before we know it? And now it's camp week. This all means that I have poop duty. Or would that be doody duty?

I think, in the absence of my daughter, I will take it upon myself to rename her dog. It's new name will be The Dog Who Poops In Inappropriate Places. I know that pooping on my carpet, in my kitchen, in it's kennel and in the hallway are all going to happen since she has no clue that that kind of stuff happens outside. It's what she does outside that warrants the renaming.

The Dog Who Poops In Inappropriate Places has crapped on my stone walk to the kennel, on the stone steps up to the garden, on the wooden beams around the patio (that are touching the grass - the dog literally had to balance herself on the beam to get this job accomplished), on the front walk, in the herb garden, in the flower garden, in the vegetable garden, in the grass where you put your foot when you come off the stone walk, in the drive where we get out of the van, and on the only paved part of the drive over the culvert.

The dog is an idiot.

We have 4.23 acres of land. Do you know how much of it is still in grass? A lot. As in, a LOT. We have a large front yard, a large right yard, a large left yard, a small back yard, and probably 2 acres worth of field. The corgis take great delight in running down into the deep-grass field to hide themselves while they take care of business. I love those fastidious little dogs. The spaniels, being the more stupid breed around here, can't be bothered to go the whole way down into the field. (Well, except for when they want to eat horse poop.) They will dump the lump in the lawn, but at least it's off the walkways, driveway and patio.

The Dog Who Poops In Inappropriate Places is an intelligent dog. She's easily taught. I have a sneaking suspicion that she is marking her territory. All of it. And she won't quit until every last thing we owned is pooped on.

I love dogs. I really do. But there are certain dogs on certain days that I love more or less than others. I think you can guess which list the renamed one is on.

22 comments:

Poltzie said...

That poopy dog sure is cute though!

caramama said...

Oh, man. I hate housetraining dogs. Especially when they don't get it AT ALL. Like this one. Good luck.

And "doody duty"? Hysterical!

Andrea said...

I love her new name!! LOL. My dogs won't poop in our yard, they run way into the horse pasture to do their duty. That puppy of yours is a funny little turd!! LOL!! Good luck!
Oh and I still haven't seen Becky in a picture with her puppy.

Michelle said...

I love the renaming. But you have to come up with something that has a good acronym ;) My brain is too tired to come up with one now, but I'll work on it for you!

Here's hoping the dog finds all of its territory soon. For your sake, AND for your daughters!

Karen said...

LOL- I almost woke the kids reading this post!! It's wonder you don't dream about doody duty with all those dogs. Good luck with the house breaking.

Cecily R said...

THIS is why I don't trust myself with a puppy. My kids take forever to potty train (Isaac and Gracie did anyway, so I assume Evie will follow suit and wait til we have to buy size six diapers). There's no WAY I could manage a dog.

That said, your new DWPIIP is awfully cute.

P.S. I'm so sorry I am so behind in reading. AGAIN.

Flea said...

We got a Yorkie puppy when I was potty training Little Guy. Dog didn't make it six months in our house, as he refused to potty train. After finding him a new home, we moved my daughter's bed and found a line of little poops just out of sight and reach. The little s%#$ knew exactly what he was doing. And I wasn't smart enough to crate train him.

Good luck. :) I'm sure you and Becky will come to an equitable solution once she's home.

Madame Queen said...

Maybe if she pooped on your daughter Becky would get the hint? Maybe?

Trisha said...

Love your post - hate that you have to go through all this hassle!

Fannie Mae said...

The terrorist would poop in the grass, but then turn around and EAT it. OMG I do NOT miss having a puppy.

Spammon said...

Our dogs do this type of thing. And more often than not, I want to leave the fence open and let me explore the world. Forever.

Jenn said...

That is why I will never ever get another puppy! I love them ,they are cute but this momma is done with cleaning up after them! I will from now on only rescue a dog that is already housebroken and needs a home, which I think is a good thing since living for a few days in a shelter then being put down for no good reason is wrong!

Debbie Yost said...

Well, I was going to ask if the dog didn't like pooping in grass since he only pooped on hard surfaces, but since flower and veggie gardens are acceptable, that theory went out the window. Good luck with that! I'll stick with the kid poop. I guess you could buy a doggie diaper.

Nap Warden said...

Cleaning up poop is no fun:P Get it together dog...you have enough to do without cleaning up after that!

C and C Mommy said...

We have a boston terrier could be your dog's twin...and she poops in the most inappropriate places too...like on the sidewalk 2 inches from the grass!!

utmomof5 said...

this post almost makes me never want to get another dog.

ALF said...

Wait, what kind of spaniels do you have? I have a springer who LOVES him some horse poop to eat.

Leanne said...

He is cute.

I feel better now though. The kid's just pointed out to me today that, thanks to me, our cat will now answer to 'stupid' as well as it's own name. Nice.

Shellie said...

I thought the same thing! Hope she finishes marking her territory soon.

Marmarbug said...

cute dog. But BAD dog!!!

Colleen said...

I'll take her! I'll take her!

My dogs have only pooped on the deck occassionally...usually when there's some inclement weather and they don't want to be bothered by walking off the deck into the grass. But every once in a while, one of them will get a wild hair and will poop on the deck. Also, I've caught both of my dogs kicking their poop shortly after making the deposit. Poop ends up a few feet from where it first originated.

I also had a spaniel-mix growing up and somehow, while in her crate, she'd get poop clear in the middle of the room, a good 4 feet from her crate. All we can figure is she either kicked it out or just aimed and shot it out.

imbeingheldhostage said...

my anxiety level just went up thinking about having to do doody duty. That's no way to enjoy a summer!