Wedding Wear What-Not 101

My cousin got married over the weekend. Out of family obligation we went, but I'm coming to look at weddings as less of a celebration and more of an annoyance as I get older.

I mean, it's takes a special kind of nerve to get married when it's 94.6 degrees with 352% humidity. What do you wear to something like that? Is it acceptable to wear a bathing suit? Because with all the sweat running down the aisles of the church we could have used them.

I did what any woman would do. I broke out the sundress. I love these things - on others. My well-endowed upper arms have never been my best feature and I hate for the whole world to see them. Especially in conjunction with the well-endowed shoulders topping them off. I'm just sayin'. But when it's hot I become less concerned with the visual effects I'm giving others and more concerned with cooling myself.

But here was the problem. My bra showed. I'm not talking just my bra straps (which highly annoys me anyway). I'm talking my actual bra. So I changed bras. And changed again. Until I finally made my way through my entire underparts drawer. I asked Sam what he thought of the last option. Bingo - he didn't notice anything.

That's because I was going sans-bra. If he couldn't tell I was letting the girls go free then it was all good. I finished getting ready and we headed out the door. It wasn't until we were halfway to the wedding that I remembered that I forgot to shave. I was known as The Woman Who Wouldn't Lift Her Arms that day.

But if you think all this is bad, I didn't tell you the best part. I was outside the day before and a bug flew into my eye. I got it out and went on my merry way. But when I went to bed that night I saw the corner of my eye was red. The morning of the wedding it was even more so. In fact, it was so noticeably more so that the pastor commented on it. Sam fully admitted to slugging me in my sleep.

Yeh, we're the fun family at every event we attend.

20 comments:

Michelle said...

Yeah... I'm with you on the summer wedding thing. I am not a fan at ALL, but good for you for going, even if only out of family obligation.

Here's hoping that bug lets your eye heal soon!

Melissa said...

OMG, I think a bathing suit would have been appropriate. I'm going to have to get you an emergency kit for you car. It will include shaving cream and a razor...maybe even a bra! lol! ;)

Tranny Head said...

Oh, my dear, you are seeeeexy! Heh - you with your red-eyed boob-slinging self!

Don't worry - I've looked worse I'm sure in bridesmaid dresses. *shudder*

utmomof5 said...

Umm where is the picture?

My hubby would have noticed the no bra thing faster than a bra srtap showing!!!!! :)

Andrea said...

Oh my!! I think that it's so funny that even Sam didn't notice! Mine would have so known that the girls were flying free!! LOL!! Men!! Sometimes they are clueless!!
I do hope you had a fun time, despite the horrid weather. It is super hot and sticky here too! The air feels like you could just swim through it.

Don Mills Diva said...

I'm gonna have to see a picture please...

Karen said...

I am going to be laughing about this for days. At least you went intentionally without the bra. My worst fear is forgetting to put one on when I intend to.

imbeingheldhostage said...

Whew! I was waiting for the other bra to drop (like how the dress gave more when you bend over than you noticed at home or something). Other than being beaten in your sleep, I think it was a relatively successful event, don't you?

Irene said...

Hi there! I slowly trying to get caught up after my week away!

But this story is hilarious! I can just picture it!

Becoming Mommy said...

Sounds like you really stood out! LOL!
And you don’t sound that bad. I’ve seen people show up in flip flops and cutoff sweats (that they were overflowing) to a wedding. Classy, eh?

Caution said...

That bride had a lot of nerve getting married when you were obviously having a bad day. Seriously a lot of nerve.

Allison Says said...

Oh no! That is pretty funny, I have to admit.

caramama said...

haha! My favorite sun dresses came with little, short-sleeved, light-weight cardigans. They hide just enough without adding heat. Also, I'm a huge fan of scarves to go over my shoulders when wearing sleeveless dresses.

ALF said...

At an outside summer wedding it should be more than acceptable to wear a bathingsuit and bring a portable pool to cool off in.

Burgh Baby's Mom said...

Sam really needs to learn to keep his hands to himself.

jessica said...

with all that humidity i bet there was lots of sweat where that bra would have been - ha ha! and i'm frequently the one who needs to remember not to lift her arms. argh.

Colleen said...

is this the wedding we were discussing the other week? If so, what did you end up giving them?

JennyH said...

You are so funny!

Cecily R said...

I can NOT go without a bra unless I am wearing a sweatshirt or a coat or something thick. Otherwise my rocks in socks hang to my belly button. And that's just not a neat sight.

just jamie said...

Just makes me love you all the more.