I Opt for Turning the Tide

Life with Micah is a bit different than life with the other kids. I know that you know this because I keep harping on it, but weirdly I keep forgetting it. He's just such a normal little boy most of the time that I forget that he's so vastly different.

One of the weird things about kids with Downs is that something simple and commonplace becomes routine and expected. It's cemented into their little minds as something that must continue to happen forever and ever, amen.

Take, for instance, the girl who moved into a new home in the winter time. Her parents recorded that she was taught to turn on the heater in the bathroom so that she would be warm after her shower. She continues to do this every single day without fail, even when the temperatures were in the 90's. Things that we just don't think about are more than just habit for someone with Down syndrome. It's the way things are. Period.

Being parents first and foremost, and parents of a child with a disability second, we forget that little gem all too frequently. And, being parents, we will also occasionally fall into the trap of placating kids at all costs. We all know the shopping experience where your child is crying and screaming and kicking, and all you want to do is get out of the store but instead you're stuck in line between Two Carts Full Tilly with her brood of unwashed heathens running in every direction and taking things from your cart, and Grandma Betty who is trying her best to help entertain your child for you but is really making things worse and she can't hear you screaming to just give it up already because your kid doesn't care.

I hate those days.

On one of those days, in a grand effort to just make the insanity stop already, we handed a Hershey's bar to Micah. Instant quiet and tranquility ensued. We checked out, fed Micah his bribe and went on with our lives.

But the next time we were shopping, Micah reached for a candy bar. As it was just Micah with me that day, and it was just a few cents (those few cents keep getting bigger every year, mind you) I allowed it. He was very good that day while in the store and deserved a reward for his behavior.

And so it started. Micah sometimes chooses Doritos over a Hershey bar, but the fact remains that he cannot make it through a checkout line without some sort of personal reward to himself. This either gets expensive when all the kids are with, or causes very hard feelings (justifiably so) when I allow only Micah to get something that nobody else does. Something needed to be done.

The next time we were in the store, I was feeling particularly cheap and didn't allow anyone to get a treat. I told Micah to put back his candy bar. No worries, he'd get chips. He was not happy that I made him put those back as well. As I was in self-check-mode I didn't have the time to devote to his discipline (plus I was in public) so I kindly but firmly said, "no, put it back please." We were both reaching our limit after several attempts on his part when he sat down on the floor and smacked the bag of chips down beside him in a fit of protest. The chip bag broke open and we were forced to buy them. You can bet that he didn't get to eat any either.

Some days in the parenting business are neither a win nor a loss. Sometimes it's just a good thing to make it to the finish line without falling over. We're still fighting that battle that we unwittingly began. Unfortunately it's more than just telling Micah no, it's changing The Way Things Are.

Turning back the tide might be easier.