Things We Learned Recently

**If a lizard dies, you suddenly become a lizard rescue center. (No, we don't know why he died, and yes, there were many tears.) Weirdly enough (or not so weirdly - I have strong suspicions that Josh has been praying about this) we were offered leopard geckos (Josh's very fave lizard ever) by two different people. This is good, because now Luke is the proud owner of one of them, and this makes him a very happy camper.

** Leopard geckos are NOT bearded dragons. One word: ewwwww.

**Sweater dresses are the most fun fall fashion that I've seen, but they are not created equally. Nor are they for the average mother of four. (Hello, saggy belly and additional padding.) I have found, however, that with perseverance you can find one that not only flatters but also falls into my low-budget criteria. Also, the mirrors in dressing rooms are so much more flattering than my mirrors at home. I think those mirrors are paid on commission.

** Knee socks with skirts are weird animals. While it invokes the whole school girl image (for better and worse), it's also quite fashionable now. And much like the sweater dress, not everyone is cut out to sport the latest fashion. Also, if you leave the house in a skort and flats because you were cleaning like a madwoman and were hot, and the temperature outside is barely sixty degrees, you will be forced to buy kneesocks at Wal-Mart to get through the day without freezing your leghairs off. Your husband will mock you when you stop in for lunch. You will then continue to wear them the rest of the day just to show him who's really who. Your knees will wonder what they ever did to you to be subjected to frigid temps for extended periods of time while unprotected from the elements. You will give your new kneesocks to your daughter at the end of the day.

**Verizon has great coverage in our area and therefore is a keeper as far as the cell phones go, but the business is running a scam to garner your entire paycheck one way AND another. Restocking fees are bogus. Not telling you about them when they tell you that you have 30 days to make returns or exchanges is deceptive. Charging you $35 for an exchange is infuriating. And that's the tip of the ice burg.

**Staff scheduling is not for the faint of heart. Those in charge of such things in the working world have my utmost respect, and pity. Why do people feel the need to tell you as they show up that they will only be able to put in a half shift? Advance notice, anyone? Hello? Thank goodness the corn maze is only for one month. I'd seriously injure someone if I had to deal with this on a permanent basis.

** If your house is fifteen kinds of trashed, people will flock to it and pretend not to be appalled even though you've had zero notice of their arrival.

** Your husband's idea of cleaning up and your idea of cleaning up are not the same. This is just one of the many subtle differences between men and women.

** Having a house full of teens is easy entertaining, but expensive to feed. Yoi.

**After having your house converged upon for too many years and too many reasons, you reach a point where you don't really care if people pretend not to be appalled and are just grateful that nobody died in the wake of the family's natural disaster that obviously blew through. You also hope that you have friends that are willing to look you in the eye the next day after being nearly eaten alive by the disgust that is in the bathroom.

** Sleep is good. Very good.