Hospital 101

I realized a lot of things while spending the morning at Children's yesterday.

Micah is growing up. I don't mean in a *sniff* my baby is growing up kind of way (which he is) but in a holy freak, when did he get so big kind of way. I had to ask Sam to restrain him for me because I physically wasn't capable. I also had a struggle to keep the kid on my lap in recovery because he outgrew it. Dang. I need to work out just to wrestle my son down for meds.

He's grown socially as well. He held a nurse's hand as they walked down the hall, and waved hello and goodbye. He answered when spoken to. (Okay, it was in Micahese, but it totally counts. It's not his fault that he can't articulate well. He gets full credit for social graces.) He did not fuss as they wheeled him away from us into the OR. And the boy totally knew what was coming.

He knows exactly what an armband at 6:30 AM means, and filled his pants from the anxiety. Now you understand a little more how proud I am of him for exhibiting such astounding social skills.

As I was changing his diaper, I had the realization that a boy whose bowels betray him when he's terrified will be a fun one to potty train. Hopefully, by the age of 10 or 28 he'll learn to get himself to a restroom when he sees a giant Red Robin or goes in for surgery.

We are now considered frequent flyers at the hospital. This comes with privileges. They consult with us on his reaction to drugs and his recovery time and take notes. They make exceptions for Micah when we tell them that he won't drink anything as long as he's in the hospital.

And then our son goes and drinks a whole cup of juice just to prove that we really don't know him at all, and he'll make the rules, thankyouverymuch.

Dr. Freakenstein (not her real name) mentioned that she was putting long-term tubes in Micah this time. I had to stop the flow of convo to inquire. And also sit on my hands to keep from strangling her. I mean, the boy's ear tubes fall out at a very alarming rate and are replaced yearly. (New record this time - it was 7 months!) Why would long-term tubes not have been discussed before this? Why would you put him through unnecessary sedation so frequently when he could have had long-term tubes from the get-go?

She got out of a strangling by reminding me that because his ear canals are so very, very tiny the more permanent brand wouldn't have fit. I didn't realize that they needed a larger space to fill. My bad. I'm so glad that I refrained from the strangling because that would have been awkward.

And then she told me that his tiny little ear drums are incredibly scarred from all the slashes they've made for his previous 6 sets of tubes. Now I feel really bad. Not that there's much we could have done, but still.

The guilt.

The scarred ear drums.

The wondering how this affects his hearing because scar tissue is thickened and ugly.

The wondering if I'm actually alright in the head for wondering weird things like this.

The realization that I'm probably not, and am permanently brain damaged from lack of sleep and too much mom guilt.