Nothing is Sacred, and It Drives Me To Be a Bad Mother

I used to be an uber organized person. Kids sure can change you, you know? Misplacing things started with pregnancy. My husband called me at work once to ask why I'd put the phone in the bread drawer. Pregnancy brain was my only answer. But the first time I'd ever lost something, never to find it again, was only the fault of kids. It remains so to this day.

Take my tweezers, for example. Everyone else does. I had three pair of tweezers. Nobody needs that many, but I had them regardless. One by one they managed to disappear. While helping my husband clean up his spilled tool bag the other day I found a pair. He claims that I knew he had them. Whatever. I found a pair beside the crickets and mealworms (i.e., lizard food) and decided that although they were my very best pair, they could just continue to be used as such. I didn't really want them back. The third pair mysteriously remained at large, and my eyebrows grew shaggier and more shaggy.

I finally had to buy tweezers. For the love of tweezed brows, are those things expensive! I chose a lower end $4 pair, but they go upwards of nearly $20. For one pair of tweezers. Do they perform electrolysis while they're plucking? Good lands.

Upon opening those tweezers at home, I announced loudly to the entire family that they are mine, all mine! See how nifty they are, and how I bought the pair that look vastly different from the other tweezers floating around the house in various job fields? THEY'RE MINE. They're also easily identifiable, and I'll hunt them down because by golly the other three pairs disappeared rather quickly.

Becky admitted to taking the last pair. And gleefully informed me that they were working just fine keeping her neat and tidy. Knowing that my kids would steal jewelry off their dead mother's body if the chance arose, I was forced to make the following speech.

Is nothing sacred?! Those are the ones that I used to pluck my pubic hairs with!


(They're not, by the way. Just so you can erase that image from your mind.)

The look on her face was absolutely priceless. Mission accomplished.

Luke asked what a pubic hair is.

In retrospect, that probably wasn't my finest parenting moment.

19 comments:

Chelsie said...

Hahaha. I can only imagine the look on your daughters face. I hope that teaches them to leave you things alone.

HalfAsstic.com said...

ZING! SCORE! Karen WINS and the crowd goes WIIIIIIILD!!!!!
YES! they will continue to swipe everything they want that's not nailed down, because they come with some sort of perverse sense of entitlement. But just for one moment, YOU WON!
I bow to you.

Michelle said...

I love it. I like the way you parent. My husband on the other hand doesn't get it. Go, Karen!

Molly said...

Ahahahaha. Awesome. Becky will remember that one forever. There are a few zingers from my mom that will stick with me FOREVER!

Bluepaintred said...

MOTHERHOOD WIN!

I was shocked at the price of tweezers too, when we were in calgary this summer, I noticed a stray chin hair while driving and it HAD to be taken care of right THEN. no way I was waiting a week to get home to my house to pluck it, so we headed to the store.

SEVENTEEN DOLLARS LATER...sheesh!

Nap Warden said...

OMG! Well...you got your point across;)

Amy said...

HA! That would have stopped my daughter when she lived at home too! Pretty funny.

Burgh Baby said...

You might need to make several little notes and place them everywhere to keep the thieves at bay. "My pubic hair was here" notes in your drawers, closets, EVERYWHERE. It'll be great!

Trisha said...

Maybe not the finest moment but a darn funny one! I am sure that your daughter will remember that for a while!

Roger said...

Too bad you didn't have your camera at the ready... priceless look, no doubt.

So, did you further Luke's education on all "hair-related" topics? I find it gets way harder to talk about certain things lately, because there always seems to be mixed company with regard to age and maturity level.

Viv said...

You are brilliant!

Tami said...

I just laughed.
Really LOUD!

utmomof 5 said...

One point Karen!!! I think it was a find and dandy parenting moment :)

Brandie said...

Ha ha! I just replaced a pair of tweezers and you may have saved me from having to buy anymore for a while!

Shellie said...

I FEEL your pain. I have the same problem. I even got some pink flowery ones to see if the boys would leave them alone. No such luck. If it wasn't your finest parenting moment, I just might be an awful parent and copy you on this one.

Annette said...

Maybe it was a fine parenting moment...after all, she learned to ask first, right? Well, we can hope.

Thanks for commenting today! I have to tell you that today when I visited you I just connected with everything I read. AND THEN I SAW YOUR ETSY SHOP! You are so funny and clever. Good Egg! HAHA!! You have great taste in your designs!

Take care!

caramama said...

That was hysterical! I hope I can think of things like that. You are my parenting role model.

Incidentally, I'm feeling a little tiny bit bad about how much stuff I've swiped from my parents. Including the pair of jogging pants my dad let me "borrow" when we went on vacation last year (I loved them the minute I put them on, and they were perfect through most of my pregnancy... and after). You see, it doesn't end even when they move out of the house. You will learn this, just as my dad did. When he saw me wearing the pants months later, he told me he started looking for a new pair the week after our vacation. hehe.

Fishsticks and Fireflies said...

That is awesome. Serves the swiper right!

Karen Deborah said...

yes yes it was! BRAVO
ROFLMAO