I Was Caught In The Idiot Trap

There was that one day when I was at a local hardware store and a pond liner was sitting outside, propped against the building, in the clearance section. There was that other day when it was still sitting there and I asked the cashier how much they wanted for it. That second day was a day that I've lived to regret many times over. The preformed pond was $15, and one would have to be an idiot not to buy it. It turned out to be an Idiot Trap.

When I got That Thing last year, I was all excited about the prospect of putting a tiny little fish pond in just off the patio. The husband dug a large hole with the backhoe, I leveled, and filled, and placed, and then started with the waterfall. That went swimmingly right up until things went wrong. In a nutshell, I have no idea what I'm doing and should probably just stop with the landscape wannabe stuff before I hurt myself or some innocent bystander.

The longer version, shortened, is that the heavy rains we got floated the pond liner out of the hole after the rock falls were concreted into place, thereby making me chip out the falls by hand and start all over. I did. So did Mother Nature. I declared her the winner last year and sulked the remaining months while a large eyesore sat in the back yard.

This year I had a long winter to get over myself and started in on Waterfall Project #2 with enthusiasm. That went well right up until it didn't also. Despite using a liner and placing my rocks just so, there was a leak. I used one can of pond foam specifically for waterfall joints, three tubes of liquid nail, a few curse words (yes, I went there) and Waterfall Attempts #3, 4, 5 and 6, and we now have a working waterfall that flows nicely into a pond.

I'm not patting myself on the back, however. While the project is done (DONE, YOU HEAR ME, DONE!) it's not purty. I refer to it as my giant heap of plastic and glue. It's an eyesore of caulk and at this point there's little that can be done about it except for ripping it all out and starting over from scratch.

I added in some plants and bought fish, and it was about this time that we realized the waterfall project is still leaking. (ARRGGGHHHHH!!!!) It's a little leak, or maybe a large splash-over, but either way we're losing enough water that we have to add every other day. While this isn't the worst thing in the world, we worry about where that water is going, and what it's doing underneath the pond that we should know about. Is the pond going to float up out of the hole again when we least expect it? And by golly, I am NOT pulling that thing out and re-doing again this year. I won't even get started on the fish drama. And the algae problems. And the fact that Micah throws dogs, rocks and dirt clods into the pond daily.

I was caught in an Idiot Trap. Let this be a lesson to you. If you know nothing about a project, do not buy something if it's on clearance for a very, very good price.