Dear Telemarketers:

When I used that wonderful feature that allowed me to block telemarketers from calling my home phone, thereby hassling me while I ate dinner, or helped with homework, or interrupted my day in any way, shape, or form (read: please don't call me, I'll call you if I ever need what you're pandering), I was a bit irked that I was still hassled.

You told me the hassling was not part of telemarketers ploys, but people with whom I have business already.

So, Dear Credit Card Company: I already am aware of your services. I have your card. I also get the statements that you send monthly. And the blank checks that also come monthly, separate from the statement, so that I may access my unused credit balance at the great interest rate of My Children Will Never Attend College Because I'm Paying You Back With Compounded Interest. Really, if you would stop mailing things every 4 days, and stop calling me every month to ask if I want more from my card, you would be able to save so much money that you could probably reduce my interest rate on my existing card balance. I know, radical, right? Try multiplying that by the millions of customers that you have, and be mind-boggled at the savings.

So after getting off the call list with my credit card company, I was still receiving phone calls, interrupting my day with pleas of help. I further questioned, and you told me, Telemarketer, that nonprofit agencies are exempt from that Do Not Call list. And my, how you've taken advantage of that.

Here's the thing. I am well aware that heart disease kills. I know that March of Dimes helps babies. I support my local and state police through my tax money. I also know how to find each of you when I have the desire to give more. If you want to call and ask for my help personally, I promise not to get bent out of shape. But please be courteous and end there.

Dear Telemarketer, when you call me and ask if I can mail letters to my neighbors in January, thank me when I agree. Do not call back in 2 weeks to remind me of my commitment in 3 months. And then do another follow-up call a month later to tell me that the packets will be arriving in 6 weeks. And then.... Lets be clear on this - I consider this harassment. I will also be tempted to tell you that I've changed my mind about said letters and to please take me off your list of willing patrons.

And one more thing, while I have your time and attention, Dear Telemarketer. Please remember that you were the one who called me. You interrupted my daily routine, you called during dinner, you are the reason I'm now running late to my appointment. Please don't get snippy and short with me when I exercise my right to say, "no, thank you."

Love,

The Harried Mom That Is Always Up To Her Elbows In Work And Doesn't Really Have Time To Take Your Call Even Though I Make Time On Occasion Just To Be Polite And Hear What You Have To Say

P.S. My nonverbal son LOVES to talk on the phone. If these calls do not stop, I will hand him the phone. Don't think it's beneath me. He never hangs up. Ever.