On The First Day of Fourth Grade, Mama Cried

One of the Big Huge Changes taking place at The Rocking Pony Palace is schooling for Micah. Our local district minted a brand new special ed class this year, so Micah gets to attend the same school with his brothers for the first time in his life. And he gets to ride the bus, just like his brothers.

I had reservations about this, and before consenting to send him, I asked his aide if she'd be willing to make the change with him. I was kind of excited about having Micah in the same school as the rest of the boys, but he definitely needed a familiar face to help him cope with all the changes. It was quite a drive for her, hence the consult. She assured me, however, that it wasn't that much further than she was already driving, and that she would definitely accompany him to school.

We sallied forth, the school and I, in planning and progressing ever closer to the first day of school. They hired a teacher that I knew, and I felt so much better about my decision to shake Micah's world up in a big way. But still, I'm his mom, and I worry. He'd have a new school, a new teacher, new classmates, he'd ride the bus...

And then, a week before school started, I found out that his aide would not be able to come with him to his new school.

I spent a day being frustrated over this, then realized that it was God's way of saying, "I've got this. Micah will be fine. I knew you needed that crutch to help you make the decision that was right, but she's not really needed." So we secured a new aide, who actually requested to meet Micah before school started, and that gave me all sorts of warm fuzzies inside. So we arranged for a meet and greet the week before school started. I took Micah and Luke, and we met the new teacher, the new aide, and a host of other staff that will be working with Micah. It was pretty awesome. The school itself has been incredibly amazing to work with from the start of all this.

But I still had some reservations, because I'm a mom. There was so much new for Micah to experience, and zero familiar for him to draw confidence from. Everyone assured me that he'd be just fine. Everyone is mostly right, so I told myself that, too.

Today, I put my baby on the big bus with his brothers. I do not have a photo because big boys do not have their mothers hovering on the sidelines. I was promptly told to get myself, and my camera, back inside the house where I belonged. Micah was getting on the big boy bus, and he was going to sit with Josh. He was thrilled.

So, knowing that my baby was not a baby any longer but he was, in fact, a 4th grader, I walked back to the house and went on with my day. And prayed for the teachers and staff and students, and Micah, that everyone would just click and get off to an awesome year right from the start.

My fourth grader got off the big bus this evening and greeted me at the door. He seemed so big and grown up, not stressed and frazzled from a hard day. Maybe he did, indeed, have this. And then I talked to Luke, who said Micah spent the entire day asking for "Mom" and "Luke." Luke heard this from the aide, so it was a true statement. Plus, Luke saw that was the last word spoken on Micah's talker. (Note: that is the only time in his life he's used his talker to ask for me. AND I WASN'T THERE.) The note from his aide to me did not mention this, but did mention that he did not mainstream today for specials because he spent his time running through the halls looking for Luke.

Maybe I'm the only one crying because I'm the mom who shook up that boy's world and threw him into a situation that he does not understand, and neither does he like. Maybe I know that God is still in control, and maybe I am the one who told everyone else that it would take a while for Micah to adjust. But golly gee, that fourth grader is my baby.


Burgh Baby said...

I'd bet you anything that Micah will make it all OK when he's ready to make it all OK. If there's anything I know about him, it's that he likes to keep you on your toes. :-)

Annette W. said...

Hugs!!! So hard....