The Full Dollar General Experience

We have more Dollar Generals around here than a cheap war does. Seriously, our one-Wal-Mart town boasts 3 DG's. And every time they open a new one there's huge fanfare associated with it. You'd think we were actually getting a real store the way people carry on. And it's absolutely hysterical to hear people talk about them. "I only shop at the one down by the hospital because it's classier than the one over where the movie theater used to be." (Yeh, we have no movie theater. That moved out a few years back. Lame is now officially labeled Dead. In case you haven't figured it out, we're not a very happening kind of place.)

My very favorite DG experience was when the third one opened up. There was a front-page article in the paper, and they interviewed innocent bystanders on the street, obviously awaiting it's grand opening. I quote the lady still wearing curlers and sporting what looked like a bath robe from the 70's (she hadn't yet put in her teeth, so you have to read this with a lispy thing going on) "I like Dollar General because you don't have to get dressed up to go there like you do Wal-Mart."

Have you wet yourself laughing yet? This has been a few years ago, and I still pee a little every time I think of this. It's good to know that, just in case I feel the overwhelming desire to own $2 sunglasses this very instant, I can do it sans bra in bedroom slippers and nobody will care. I won't even have to brush my hair. Or teeth. That is class, right there. And hello? Have you seen the people who shop Wal-Mart? I see a lot of this lady's type there. So I'm afraid of what they're (not) wearing to Dollar General.

They are opening a new Family Dollar in a nearby town. This is a close relative of the Dollar General. I think from a lower class neighborhood. Hard to believe, but there it is. I heard on the radio that they're having a grand opening at this wondrous new store. There will be a bike giveaway that is drawing in hordes of people. Seriously, I know of people who are planning to set some time aside to attend this. It ranks above the Fire and Ice Festival where there will be ice sculptures and fireworks. And kettle corn. (Yum.) But at Family Dollar they are having the bike giveaway, and a radio personality. You heard that right, folks. A real live radio personality right there at Family Dollar! You won't see a famous personage at the festival. If any of you want to make plans to attend the great Grand Opening, please email me and I'll give you directions to the exact location. I promise you won't be disappointed.

And remember, the Fire & Ice Festival is going on this weekend, too. We took the kids tonight to see the fireworks and ice sculptures. The fireworks were a love/hate thing for Micah, but the Papa John's pizza slice walking around totally freaked him out. Costumes will do that every time. All in all he had a good time after the freaky things were done. But after seeing the sculptures the kids declared that 12 degrees was a little too cold to be out for extended periods of time so we headed to the Golden Arches for supper. We're classy kind of people like that. We may even go to the Family Dollar grand opening tomorrow.


17 comments:

Maria said...

Family Dollar. NOT my favorite. Once we went to my sister's house only to get there and realize we forgot to put on our son's shoes! Yes, we can be dumb like that. I ran into the store and had to spend $10 on their cheap plastic sneakers! I only spend $10 on shoes at Target, and they're much better! Too many Dollar stores around.

Melissa said...

Yee-haw, and a good time was had by all!!

Flea said...

Kettle corn. You lost me there. Couldn't get past those two words. Kettle corn. Mmmm.

Deb in OPKS said...

My daughter loves Dollar General. They certainly make for interesting people watching. The clerks are often intersting as well. I mean, really, what kind of help can you get for a dollar?

Madame Queen said...

Man, that Fire & Ice Festival sounds really fun. Except for the walking pizza. I think that would freak me out, too.

We have lots of DG's around here too. My dad and step mom have stocked their house with DG toys. It used to be fine, but now I worry about the lead in all these cheaply made Chinese toys.

Oh, and I updated my blog from last night, if you get a chance check it out. There's a little bit of an explanation!

Johnina said...

The Dollar trees are my personal favorites. We only have that and 2 DG' in town. We do have a very small theater I think it probably seats about 50? They finally closed the drive -in :( it's still standing though. LOL Your town sounds as redneck as mine does! LOL

Karen said...

Johnina - we love to embrace our redneckism. (Is that a word?) It helps if you can laugh.

Burgh Baby's Mom said...

I've got some in-laws in Tennessee that do all their shopping at Dollar General and Wal-Mart. They are SO classy and they toys that they buy Alexis? Top quality. No fear of lead poisoning or shoddy workmanship there.

BTW, I literally cheered when the Dollar General down the street from my house went out of business. It only lasted two years. Guess my little 'hood wasn't redneck enough for it. Woohoo!

BumbleVee said...

I can hardly go into a dollar store...they absolutely stink to me. Literally. Of rubber .... and plastic and preservatives ..ick.... And I can't seem to get past the smell. Must be a sensitivity thing or something. same problem at Blockbuster with DVD cases....

The hired help is not much different than most places nowadays...nobody wants to work anymore. They must have figured out a way to live nicely on somebody else's income...cuz the only people that work anymore are the really ...uhm..... simple ones...or the over 60's who have never planned for their retirement. If they are under 25, they are chewing and snapping on gum with their mouths wide open.. yakking away with their buddies at the till... about last night's party where they "got wasted" (is that still a popular phrase? haven't they found anything new yet? ) and/or ....standing there gazing at the ceiling and rolling their eyes at the fact that they have to be there at all, much less provide some service to the public.

Not long ago I walked past a teen who was bent over unpacking some gift packs outside her cosmetics counter...(at the Bay store yet!) ... she was overweight, pudge spilling out of her low rise overly tight pants like muffin dough, but... the really ugly bit was the big tattoo in the crack of her butt that climbed above the thong just below that... of course her pants were below that yet. I don't know what possessed me..but I couldn't help myself.... hand just reached out and grabbed that bright red thong.... twack!! she shrieked and straightened up so fast I bet she gave herself a whiplash injury. I just shook my head and told her how disgusting she looked from the ass end. She probably could have knocked my block off, but I guess it shocked her so much she ran behind her counter and pulled things up instead.... brother...what is the world sinking to....??

Red neck town or city of 1 million...(where I am!) trust me....it is all the same. Honestly, the older I get, the more I prefer to stay home til I absolutely "must" shop. Then, take a friend...it is best to joke about it... laugh while shopping and go for a little lunch somewhere...and head for home sweet home as soon as possible. Aaahhhhhh home.... my sanctuary!!

Karen said...

Bumblevee - Um, EWWW! I would never have had the guts to touch her skivvies. But good for you - I know too many people that need that kind of treatment.

Kellan said...

Our Dollar General has gone down hill - but I still shop there for snack foods and such. I like me a good Dollar General store and frequent ours at least once every two weeks. Now, the big golden arches - at least twice a week. Have a good weekend Karen - see ya. Kellan

Cute pictures BTW!

Flea said...

Bumblevee, I love that you thwacked someone's thong. I'll have to remember that next time I'm out. :)

Tootsie Farklepants said...

It might be worth the trip especially if that gummy broad is going to be there!

Zoe said...

in our small town we have :9 dollar stores. actually my hubby says there are 12...but anyway. 6 years ago my hubby and son were in dollar general when an elderly lady let a huge fart rip. my son who could not tell you what he had for breakfast this am still remembers.

Shellie said...

That was too funny, so much excitement in your town! The comments are precious. Maybe I should go to dollar stores more often, didn't know they were so entertaining.

Lulu said...

Have you seen the people who shop Wal-Mart?

Oh, honey, I have seen. I, too, live in a very small town about an hours drive from Atlanta. Our closest grocery store is a Wal-Mart, and it's a travesty to behold. I was once in the middle of a "domestic" disturbance while shopping. Very interesting indeed.

Colleen said...

here in fancy northern Virginia, we shop at the Wal-Mart sans bras. But only if your shirt is light-colored enough to essentially see through to your goodies (or in some of these ladyies' cases, their nasties). If/When I go to Wal-Mart, I go very early with the dayworkers and grandmas, or I go very late at night with the drunks, that way I miss the other screeching fine folks that patronize that establishment.
And at the dollar store? well, shoes are optional, but it seems everyone at least had their undergarments on.
So do you pronounce that La-meeh like Gold Lame? Maybe if you did, folks would think you were classy enough for a Tar-jeh. ;)