I'm Not Sure Vicki And I Can Be Friends

Everyone gets the Victoria's Secret free panty offer in the mail, right? You know the one - where you also get $10 off a bra. They changed this offer. Probably because of people like me. I loved to wait until they had a clearance sale and then spend $2 on a bra after that coupon was applied. No more, man. Now? They require the bra to be full price in order to redeem that coupon. The panties still have no strings attached. Unless you opt for the butt-floss variety, but that would be your own problem.

So today I ventured into the land of skinny and perky. I hate that land. Mostly because I live in fleshy and droopy. But my droop needed some pick-me-up and it was time to spend some money to make it happen.

I hate the whole Vicki experience. The skinny models in the windows, the lingerie that only looks good on teenagers too young to wear it, the sales associates bent on emptying your wallet. Gah! But I needed perk, so I pushed aside my loathing and walked in with head high.

I'm pretty sure that I also had snot on my shoulder. Micah has a cold.

I needed measured because it's been a while, and if I'm going for a good fit I need to know what size to spring for. For the love of all things intimate - those girls grew on me again! The associate was kind enough to just give me one cup size instead of the big sister/little sister letters. I'm shocked at what I've grown to be. I was an A at our wedding, people. Now? I'm a few houses down from that address. As in, one house from the double digits. I am not happy about this either.

And you know what's even more horrifying? Seeing those sisters perked up. Who in the world thought high beams were a good idea?!

I bought the stupid bra. But I may never wear it. Who wants to risk poking an eye out when you're only trying to get oatmeal in the grocery aisle? I'll probably continue wearing worn out and tired something-somethings because I do believe droopy isn't as bad as all that. Apparently I'm expecting too much by wanting a lift without wanting to reach out and touch someone.

20 comments:

Karen Deborah said...

oh my lawd, roflol, because girlfriend I can soooooo relate. See real puberty happens about 40 when you get this bossom that you were hopin for in your teens and don't want now. Apparently our maker thinks we all need something to spill food on. I never never never shop there. Belks or any other nice dept store can fix you right up,(pun intended) and maybe not with a push up. If I wore a push up I'd get two black eyes. I used to be a B and of course it doesn't help that everything else is bigger too. shocking isn't it?

Flea said...

Geez oh flip. Wear the darn thing. I can't shop at Vicki's, and I discovered this summer that I can't even shop at her big sister's, Lane's. It's specialty shops for the double G's, babee. Ugh.

Cathy said...

OMG I'm sorry I could not stop laughing. I have a twin sister who went from being a B cup before her first pregnancy (she was 17)to a C Cup (no breastfeeding!) and then when she had her second child she went from a C to a D, and still....is at a D. My niece is two now. She's not happy at all. She's extremly petite. I on the other hand weigh almost twice what she weigh's. I'm five months pregnant and WOW...I already have a D, I didn't want the DD's I've got now..and more probably to come :((

Melissa said...

Or reach out and poke someone! Your experience may vary.

I'm all about the strings...but the bras...well my cup runeth over..

Was that TMI? ;)

Michelle said...

Hey! How come I didn't get that offer? Actually, I haven't gotten it in a really long time. *sigh*

Pam said...

I'm seriously in need of a good bra fitting/measuring. But I really don't want to scare anyone off with 'what used to be and is now just used utter like things' hanging there

Caution Flag said...

Welcome to the neighborhood!!

Go on and wear the VS bra! I bet Sam won't mind one bit.

Kidzmama said...

The thing of it is, if you wear it in public all your current shirts won't fit properly. They will be riding up a bit high. So then you'll have to buy some new shirts. And of course after buying new shirts that don't fit well with the old bras, you'll have to return to Vicki's and get yet ANOTHER NEW BRA!! Oh the tragedy!

Yeah, just save it for Sam's private viewing.

Becoming Mommy said...

Oh, I hate Victoria’s Secret. Their underwear are so over priced and they don’t seem all that supportive. I like the Jockey and Bali outlets. Now those stores carry support garments at reasonable rates.

I also went up several sizes since I graduated college. I went from a 34 A to a 36 DD. WW has allowed me to go back down to a 36 C, so I’m hopeful that future children will not force me to carry around Dolly Parton’s rack.

Burgh Baby said...

I hate Vicki's. The stuff is SO over-priced and never quite fits right anyway. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Just don't point your high beams at me. I like my eyes to be of the not-poked out variety.

Allison Says said...

Haha! You are hilarious, Karen.

I think I own one or two Victoria Secret bras...from pre-pregnancy. So, yeah, they are RIDICULOUSLY small. I wish I could say my boobs really got bigger, but honestly? They are just...different. Ugh.

That's unfortunate about the coupon, too. Full priced bras there are so not worth the price, but at least you got something free from it, I gues.

Teresa said...

The last time I went into that store and some teenager tried to tell me what size bra to wear, I swore them off forever. I don't need that little tiny girl telling me they don't have sizes like mine in stock, ugh she made me mad! Nowadays, I love Bali bras & Kohls sells them! But, my girls just aren't perky anymore, and at this size, they'd enter the room before I would!

the planet of janet said...

i looooove vicki's underwear, but that's about all i can tolerate from there (and NOT the butt floss).

Tootsie Farklepants said...

My ass lives in the land of doughy.

CC said...

dude. Vicki and I have NEVER been friends. I was just telling dh that I really need some bras. I think I am down to 3. Total. It's a little scary. But they are so dang expensive and they are always "wrong". Something is just bad about them all. So I never buy them. Yargh!

Debbie in CA : ) said...

Going to Victoria's Secret to buy a bra is like going to the circus to buy vitamins! (You can quote me!) I loathe the storefront, but since I seem to be the only person in the blogosphere who hasn't ballooned up top (pun intended) I shall continue to buy VS bras on line with a shopping spree or two at Aerie for those delightful small-cup beauties for my small-cup "girls." Nursed five kids with these petite ones and barely found size "C" -- based on the comments above, I'll count myself blessed. ; )

Colleen said...

I'm annoyed at vicki's too. The A's seem too big and loose, but the AA's have cups too close together and the straps too short. I may have to call up Flea's haberdasher...or whatever you call a bra-maker.

or, I'm still open to that tissue-transfer surgery we discussed. ;)

Trannyhead said...

Embrace the lift! The double-torpedo look is hawt. Just ask Madonna.

Also - I have to ask - how do they measure you? I need to get measured once I'm done breastfeeding (IF I'M EVER DONE WITH THIS STUPID BREASTFEEDING!!!!) I mean - am I going to have to traumatize them by showing them my bare bewbs? I always wondered that.

Anyway - flaunt your new hawt bra!

Karen MEG said...

Karen you're too cute.... but honestly, you've GROWN??? I'm so jealous.

At my workout the instructor described one move as "leading with the nipples" and I thought, wow, something I can actually do with them after nursing two kids.

Glad that you gave yourself a double-barreled treat ;)

Andrea said...

LOL!! Oh, I haven't been in that store in forever. My 7 year old son walks by it with his hands over his eyes. Well, he kinds peaks through his fingers, lol!!
I got to the factory outlet mall near my house and get my bras for super cheap. I got one that put the girl's back in their right spot with out poking someone's eye's out!! I love it. I forget what the name of it was. I hate bra shopping. I go about once every two years!!