Medaling In Mommyhood

Josh is sporting braces. He had pretty awesome teeth before braces, except that one that was missing. The Missing One is the reason he's sporting braces. It was embedded on the roof of his mouth, aiming toward his two front teeth. So in the event that it decided it finally wanted to make an appearance, it would have shoved out those fronts to make room for itself. Not a good scenario. So we braced his teeth for the day that they cut into his mouth, found his errant tooth, and chained it to his braces so that they could pull it out into the light of day.

That was today.

Guys, this could quite possibly rank as one of the Top 10 Hardest Days of My Life. Not laughing at your 16 year old son coming out of anesthesia while listening to a nurse give discharge instructions is gold medal worthy.

They put a finger monitor on him to keep an eye on his heart rate.  When the nurse left, he stared at it like it was some great and amazing growth on his hand. I told him that it was taking his heart reading.

"My heart is beating fast," he said in a loud and drawn out slur, around the wad of gauze in his mouth.

I wonder what normal is, I asked him, as I looked at his monitor. It said 80bpm.

Just then a nurse walked in, so I asked her what a normal heart rate was for a boy of 16. I told her that I only heard heart rates on monitors for babies, and I knew they were considerably faster than adults. (Or teen boys.) She said normal for Josh would be mid 70's, and slightly elevated after a procedure is very normal. And then she started talking to me about Big Important Things that I should have been listening to. I did listen, because I was taught that way, but then Josh was all, "I've only heard hearts on monitors in movies."

He seemed to have lost the filter that gave him social etiquette, like not yelling indoors or not talking over adults. Being high on drugs is so awesome that way. So as the nurse was talking, he just kept on going.

"It goes BEEP... BEEP... BEEP... BEEP... ," he slurred loudly and intensely in the background.

The nurse kept talking. I tried to listen.

"BEEP... BEEP... BEEP... BEEP...," he yelled slowly.

It was so hilarious. I had no idea what the nurse was saying. I was trying so hard to keep from laughing, because I knew I'd never stop, and I'd end up wetting myself laughing that hard.

"BEEP... BEEP... BEEEEEEEEEEEEEE because they're DEAD," he profoundly stated.

And I missed the entire conversation with the nurse.  But I scored a gold in Not Laughing At My Son Coming Out of Anesthesia.