It Just Ran Away With Me

I've been going to the gym again. I've been there twice so far, recently, and it's nothing if not reaffirming that I am definitely not gym material.

The first time, I found a section of the gym with treadmills tucked into a semi private alcove. Absolutely perfect for a newbie, anti-social gym goer like myself. Even better, the treadmills had a mini TV attached to each one so that I could entertain myself while walking.

We haven't had cable for years, and I'm so out of touch with television that I don't even know what to look for. I know the Food Channel exists, and well as HGTV, but had no clue where they were found. No worries, I would just search until I found them. I'm a problem solver that way. I pushed the button to change the channel. BEEP. Nope, that wasn't anything I wanted to watch. BEEP. BEEP. No, no.

BEEP. BEEP. BEEP. BEEP. BEEP. BEEP. BEEP. BEEP. BEEP. BEEP. BEEP. BEEP. BEEP. BEEP. BEEP. BEEP. BEEP. BEEP. BEEP. BEEP. BEEP. BEEP. BEEP. BEEP. BEEP. BEEP. BEEP. BEEP. BEEP. BEEP. BEEP. BEEP. BEEP. BEEP. BEEP. BEEP. BEEP. BEEP. BEEP. BEEP.

Gosh, those beeps are loud. People around me are starting to look my direction, and there aren't many people in the semi-private alcove, so it was obvious who the loud beeper was. Fine. I'll just watch what was on, whatever it was. I risked a few more beeps to get the volume to come up just a bit (I didn't want to be loud and annoy the neighbors again), but apparently the volume was broken. No worries. It had closed caption, so I ventured one more beep to turn that on, and read a program that I wasn't really into. Fortunately, the row of empty treadmills in front of me also had the CC on, and I was able to read a few other stations to entertain myself. Next time, I'd bring my headphones and listen to a book on my phone. That would be a better solution.

The second time I was at the gym, that's exactly what I did. I also realized that the volume wasn't broken on the treadmill, but only played through headphones plugged into the console. That was genius, so as to reduce competing programs at different volumes right next to each other. If only they had a silencer on the BEEP, too. I even planned ahead, in case I wasn't into a book being read to me for an hour, and pre-chose a treadmill that was playing a station I thought I might enjoy. No BEEPs from my console this time! I was on top of things!

I plugged my earbuds into my phone, decided to start with the Daily Audio Bible reading a few chapters of Proverbs, Psalms, Daniel and something Paul wrote (because I love Paul's writings). While listening, I tried to get a good workout in by adjusting the incline and speed frequently to keep things mixed up. I hear it's a better workout that way. It also keeps me from getting bored.

It was while jogging that I snagged the cord of my earbuds. This happens frequently with me, as I don't use an arm band, but instead place my phone in a shelf on the console. Usually I just pull a plug out of an ear, but because I was at the gym and not at home, Fate had to up her game. The earbuds stayed in my ears this time, but pulled out of my phone. It was such a forceful jerk that it pulled my phone off the shelf, and it dropped onto the treadmill. The moving treadmill rolled the phone to the back of the platform and flung it across the aisle and into the wall. Fortunately, I have a protective case on it and no damage was done to my phone. My fragile gym-loathing ego, however, was a bit shattered.

I picked up the phone and a few pieces of dignity, pretended it was part of a grand plan, and started all over again. This time without earbuds. I'd just read the Closed Caption again. Life would be easier. The TV program that I chose had changed, though, and I had no idea what I was currently watching. I didn't like it very well, but I wasn't going to start with the BEEP again, so I pulled up my extra-large big girl panties and just read it anyway. Thankfully the empty treadmills in front of me always had the CC on.

I adjusted the incline, and speed, and when I started jogging, I realized that I had made a poor treadmill choice. While walking, it was fine, but the faster jogging pace produced a very loud and even more annoying SQUEAK with each step that I took. So instead of BEEPing my way through a workout, I was SQUEAKing my way through this week. It's no wonder the ladies beside me left soon after I started working out. Here, I thought they were just finished with the treadmill and moving on to weights, or something.

I'm almost afraid to go next week. At the rate I'm going, I'll have my photo taped by the check-in counter, with a note saying, "Don't allow this lady on the treadmills. She abuses her powers and annoys her neighbors."