A Good Fit is Hard to Find

I don't know about you, but I find it nearly impossible to get a pair of jeans that fit well. I spend small fortunes on those magazines in the checkout aisle who toute articles like "Jeans That Fit & Flatter Every Body Type." I could probably have bought a pair of jeans that fit and flatter with all the money I've wasted on those. They feature 4 body types and assume that you fit neatly into one of them. And they've just solved all your problems. (World hunger will be next.)

Really, come on now. Am I the only one out there with just one body type "disfunction." I am short in stature and short waisted. This presents so many problems. What? I could probably do well in the juniors section? Well, before kids maybe. My hips and thighs are firmly planted in the missus department. I was once told that I'm more matronly now that I'm a mom. If that's not screaming "boy, you put on weight!" nothing does.

My waist band touches my bra band. Well, very nearly at least. There is about a 1" gap. Being short waisted is not all fun and games. I am eternally grateful to the fashion designer who invented low rise jeans. I have opinions that it was some dirty old man just hoping for a glimpse of crack, as it happens too frequently on normal people. But I'm well covered and the band sits at my natural waist. I will be so, so sad when they go out of style. I accidentally purchased a pair of jeans recently that were not low rise. As I was pulling up the zipper I was shocked to realize that it just kept going. I nearly zipped my boobs into my pants. Needless to say, they're not worn very often. I have no idea how I managed to walk around with the body cast thing going on around my middle for all those years.

But that's just one of my problems. Being short in stature makes it hard to find a good fit. What with the longer styles being all hip and in fashion, that makes it even worse. Weirdly, "short" is a hard fit to find. Some brands have this sizing feature and some don't. I need them desperately. And what fits good with shoes on does not fit good to walk around the house in. These long things are always dragging under foot and I have to march just to get them to clear ground with each step. Rolling them up a bit would be a great option, but have you ever rolled flare bottoms? Belling up around your knees is not a good look.

Have you noticed that tapered legs are coming back in style? I was a tiny bit excited about this when I first saw. I guess it was nostalgic flashbacks to pre-kid days or something. When I tried them on I was shocked and appalled. I seriously thought I looked good in them back in the day. Things have changed since then. Like my hips and thighs. I look like a giant blue inverted pear. It's not attractive. From my hips things just keep tapering down. Nothing like accentuating the wide part like that. Who knew I'd love my wide legs so much? (Not mine! The wide leg jeans.) I will never go back! Never! Do you hear me?!

Now, I'm not niave enough to think that I cannot find a pair of jeans that fit and flatter anywhere. There are plenty out there that would do both of those for me, and do it well. They would also contain just enough stretch to fit comfortably. (Don't you love that feature?) But when you throw in the third body type dysfunction, suddenly doors close all around. This is the body type that is cheap. I have never purchased a pair of Levi's at full price for myself in my life. Seriously. And I know they are not a spendy jean compared to most. My price range is $20 or less. See how this seriously narrows the playing field? I would certainly spend money on a good pair if I could be assured they'd fit and flatter. And not just in the dressing room. They've gotta look good from my home mirrors, too. (There's a difference you know.) And they've gotta repeat the performance after being washed. That's a tough test to pass. I just can't take the chance on spending all that money only to find they can't perform to my standards. Like the Aero jeans I picked up for $15. I was IN LOVE. I wore them for a week before washing them. They did everything I needed them to do, and they were lookin' good doing it. But I was forced to wash them, and they've shrunk. Muffin Top can't even begin to describe it. It's just not pretty. I may have to lose 15 pounds to ever get them on again.

So my love affair with jeans is slowly dying. It's strange that I can find capris to fit and flatter so quickly. And it's strange that the extra few inches makes so much difference. I think I'll wear capris all winter. Would they look good with socks?