Blast From The Past: Exposing Too Much Of My Life

When I was in high school, I rode my horse nearly every day. It was truly bliss. I remember so many of those days for the sheer abandon, the freedom, the peaceful reflections of the day. And then there are other days.

I clipped a lead rope onto my horse's halter and we ran back over the hill to the cow pasture. This was truly the "back 40" since it was behind the house and no roads or houses were nearby. If you were very quiet sometimes you could see wildlife as you strolled through the pasture's woods and fields. This rarely happened, though. I either had dogs with me or I was running at breakneck speed jumping over logs and crashing through underbrush.

This particular day I was thinking about how the air was getting cooler and fall would soon be coming. How clean the air smelled in the early morning. How fragrant the pines were. I was riding down through the pines on the steep hill. This rarely happened as there were too many branches to dodge. And then I found myself on the ground. We miraculously chanced upon a deer, and it scared my horse enough that he sprang sideways two strides when he should have been going forward. I dropped straight down when he jumped out from under me.

How embarrasing. A good rider has been thrown more times than she can remember, but this was my fault for not paying attention. Well, I wasn't hurt so I jumped up and took a step in my pony's direction. I felt a draft.

This is where the confession gets terribly embarrasing. I wore these for a brief period of my life. Of my own free will. And I made them by hand. Yeh, I know. Go ahead and laugh.

So I'm wearing these culottes and feel a breeze as I stood up. My early seamstress abilities were tested to the limit and didn't hold up. The crotch tore from front to back. And the waistband ripped. So when I stood up, my bottoms did not. I stood there in my skivvies for all of nature to see. Whoa! I pulled them up as quickly as my modest self could and assessed the situation. No easy fixing them right here in the woods. Okay, hold them with one hand and hobble over to the horse. I can use his lead rope as a belt and at least keep myself covered for the ride home.

If you are unfamiliar with horses, let me clue you in. This was my early training for children. Horses are interesting creatures that can assess a situation in a split second and make almost human decisions. He was well aware that he was free, and was going to stay that way. But not before playing with me a little. He managed to stay one jump ahead of me (which wasn't hard to do as I could only hobble, holding myself together) for several attempts at capture. He took time to eat a few succulent bites of grass, and then high-tailed it for home as fast as he could go. The ungrateful beast. It isn't like he didn't get a warm bed and plenty of food from me.

Well, there's the dog. Her collar could be used as a belt. Come, girl! Come on! Nothing doing. Was she in conspiracy with the horse? What gives here? The dogs were always glad to have an ear scratched. Great, she just ran home, too. That left me to waddle home with my shredded dignity held tightly to my exposed bottom.

And I was ever so grateful that nobody was in the barnyard when I came in. And that this didn't happen out on the road somewhere, or miles from home. Because it very well could have.

15 comments:

Melissa said...

Exposing to much of your life or of your body...see you have your own panty story after all ;)

Karen said...

Melissa - I've got a few panty stories, which is strange for one as prudish as myself. But none rival yours.

Madame Queen said...

HA! The first part of your story truly sounds like heaven. The second part? Um. Not so much. Unfortunately, I couldn't see the picture you posted. Dang!

Flea said...

I couldn't see your picture! Wah! When I was in high school, I made a pair of peach gabardine polyester culottes. No idea what I was thinking. Hideous. But the never came off in public. Glad no one saw you!

Irene said...

I wore those parts as well! And yes, by my own choice. In fact, I wore them for my first day of fifth grade. I thought I was very cool. (hahahaha)

Deanne said...

That's just terrible.....terribly funny! :)

OHmommy said...

No picture?

Oh, man. Say it isn't so. LOL.

Andrea said...

Oh no!! That could have been really bad!! That horse was funny. I never seemed to have the nice one that would come back to you to see if you were okay after a fall. Mine always took off bucking afterwards. As if to say, "ha ha ha!!"

Kellan said...

What a funny story! And, it came with vusuals and all - thanks for the laugh!! Take care Karen - see ya later. Kellan

utmomof5 said...

I loved the first part of the story, but the second part was my favorite!! =) I wish I could see the picture, I will have to rely on my imagination.

Christina

Burgh Baby's Mom said...

Having done the dog-chase with the collar, I can honestly say I would not want to do it with a horse, especially while my nether regions were hanging out.

Wonderful World of Weiners said...

Too funny!

Thanks for entering my contest - I'm happy that everyone seems to like the necklace!

Hallie

Pam said...

One time I had to chase the dog we were watching around the neighborhood - I was 7 months pregnant and in my pj's, uncombed hair, glasses, and all that good stuff. I now see, it could have been worse! ;) Thanks for sharing- you have a great way of writing. I am enjoying getting to know you!

girlymom said...

This is a funny funny story! Sorry to say I am laughing at your expense! You are soo lucky nobody was at the barn- it would be all over you tube these days! :)

Colleen said...

oh, I couldn't see the picture, either! :(

but a very funny story! I don't actually have any funny undies stories...getting pants'd by your cousin isn't exactly all that funny or interesting. Having a horse jump out from under you is, however! :D