Tonight was the first annual Ugly Sweater Party. Fun times, my friend. Fun times. It began with the choosing of the sweater.
I'd been scavenging the Salvation Army since before Christmas looking for just the perfect thing to wear. Although I'd found some definite ugliness going on, they just weren't quite ugly enough. I'd decided to wait until after the holiday hoping that someone had gotten something truly hideous as a gift and decided to toss it into the nearest recycling bin on the way home from Grandma's.
My waiting paid off. I scored big. Or so I'd thought. Because my husband procrastinates (and sadly, taught me the fine art of putting things off until the last possible second) I was at the local thrift store picking up his sweater yesterday. Boy howdy, that thing is ugly. It's a good thing we're done having children because let me tell you, it could impair fertility.
Thrilled though I was that I was able to outfit my husband so hideously (for so little money!) I was feeling a bit too good looking in my previously ugly sweater. I had to up the ante. I changed categories at the last minute. As I was pulling on my sweater, wishing I was just a bit more appalling, the thought struck me that I could quite possibly pull off the Best Complete Outfit.
People, you have no idea what ugly can be. Break out the Depends, because you're gonna wet yourself laughing. I have no pride, and I'm willing to prove it.
(What you can't see are the pinstripes on the pants. It just adds such a nice touch to the outfit. And the flips have heels on them. I may have no pride, but I do have class.)
My husband drove very carefully to and from the party, avoiding an accident at all costs. He was fully prepared to decline medical treatment in favor of getting home and out of these clothes. But we won, and that's all that matters. We are, hands down, the ugliest couple around.