Um, EWWWW....

You know those people who accidentally find your blog through some weird Google search? The ones that make you wonder what on earth they were thinking? I know we all have them and trust me, I've gotten some kind of amusement out of them before. (Yeh, I know you're out there. I can hear you breathing - and you've left footprints!)

I got one that totally rocked my pony's world. It grosses me out just thinking about it. Here's to all you weirdos out there: You will never find "great grandmother porn" on my site! Do you hear me?! It's not going on here, so go elsewhere to get your sick little kicks. Now if you'll excuse me for a moment, I need to go clear this from my brain with something deep fried and smothered in chocolate.

I've also gotten a click through by someone wanting to know "why do you have to stand up when a pony is wedding." I'm thinking this would be out of respect for the mare coming down the aisle, just as we stand when the bride comes in. Wouldn't you? But I think s/he may have meant "wetting." Without knowing the person personally it's hard to make that call for certain. And I've always wondered about this as well. Some people stand up when their horse is peeing (when you're on their back, not just sitting in a chair watching them in the field). I've heard tell it's to help ease the strain on their loins because they stretch out to get the job done, but in reality you weigh the same whether you're standing in the stirrups or sitting in the saddle. Never made sense to me. Andrea - you're the resident horse expert. Any thoughts on this? Wetting, I mean. Not wedding.

Another slightly amusing, and slightly disturbing search was for "15 years babies." I'm here to tell you that if you've been bottle feeding and changing a diaper on the same baby for 15 years, it's time to hang it up. And check yourself into the nearest institute sporting straight jackets.

I've been found through "kids walking around naked." I'm not sure where to go with this one. I'm assuming that someone is in the midst of the Naked Toddler Stage and is desperate on what to do, but you need to hit Burgh's blog for that one. And I'm not sure she has answers either. I'm just hoping it's that, because if not there's a weird world out there that I don't want to be a part of.

So tell me how people have found you. I know you've got some to top mine!

34 comments:

Pam said...

I'm too scared to check!

Melissa said...

My two top searches are on prednisone rage and best slogan...I'll bet only one of these posts informs people about what they are looking for.

And great grandma p*rn...so wrong on so many different levels.

And the horse wedding...I seriously laughed out loud!!

anglophilefootballfanatic said...

Egads. I don't know how to figure out if people can find me, so sorry I'm not any help!

kimmy said...

To be honest, I've never actually checked! I think I might be too afraid to find out!

Have a great week!

Kimmy

MamaGeek said...

One of my top search queries is peopling searching for Kate Gosselin's phone number?!?

Leanne said...

Hmmm. I'm usually found by a naughty site that uses 'mama' in its name as well. Don't go there. :)

Kellan said...

Some searches are crazy and some of screwy! I loved this line, "Now if you'll excuse me for a moment, I need to go clear this from my brain with something deep fried and smothered in chocolate." - I'm going to use this too to clear it from my brain - thanks for the tip! See you later - Kellan

Mommy to those Special Ks said...

haha those are GREAT! I've gotten some fun ones too... I'll have to try to remember them!

Maria said...

From Celebrity Apprentice, Disney on Ice, Weiner games, and many, many on Can You Put Drano in the Dishwasher!

Deb in OPKS said...

Those are great! And a little scary -- Great grandma porn? Really? There's some sick people out there.

I get a lot of hits on the Down syndrome tongue sticking out but my favorite so far has been about the gold fish not swimming or floating. Umm, I'm thinking it's dead and needs a burial at sea. (I've killed two beta fish that I wrote about.)

Flea said...

mine all have to do with fleas. Very boring. :(

Tootsie Farklepants said...

Well, today it was "vintage nurse betty tattoo art". But they were somewhere in Los Angeles so it doesn't surprise me.

Bia said...

I haven't checked yet, and truthfully, I don't know if I want to know. I don't even have a sitemeter...ignorance is bliss, I guess (at least for now!).

Madame Queen said...

The worst one I get, and I get it *repeatedly* is "mother daughter naked together." I think they link to my post I did about naked baby dolls. This one always comes from somebody in Great Britain. Sicko.

Burgh Baby's Mom said...

Remember the one I had about the a nine-year old getting put in diapers for a long car ride? That is currently my #2 search. I'm so very confused by it. My brain definitely need dipped in chocolate after reading that all the time.

Um, yeah, I have no answers about the naked toddler thing. I actually can't speak of it any more than that because I do believe in jinxing oneself. Um, yeah. Anyway.

Rachel said...

I've gotten some for 'spanking rachel' Ummm, okay.

'spanking monkeys' eeeewwwwwwww

and

chocolate spaghetti (huh?)

This post made me giggle, and I needed that! Thanks!!

Lori said...

this post made me laugh... luckily I haven't had any strange questions or comments... yet!

Wonderful World of Weiners said...

Your sicko search hits don't even hold a candle to mine.

Every sicko in the world has found my blog via little boy wieners, pierced wieners, how to strangle your wiener, luscious wieners wrapped in bacon, etc.

And the kicker is...I have no idea why my blog pops up for most of these searches. Yes, the word wiener is used but luscious & bacon & strangle? ICK!

Hallie

Spammon said...

Well, there are some great grandpas out there that need some alone time. How you managed to lock into that crowd is an amazing show of entrepreneurship.

THE MOM BOMB said...

. . . by any chance was the grandma-porn visitor German? Seriously, a lot of my sicko visitors are porn-seekers from Germany or -- get this -- Iran, Quatar, or elsewhere in the middle east.

OHmommy said...

I don't check very often cause it scares me. Your last one is... odd. Yikes!

There are some strange people out there. Yes?

utmomof5 said...

I have never checked, how do you do it? I would be really afraid with the word monkey in my blog title. :)

Christina

Karen said...

Kellan - I totally stole that line from Shrek 2. We've watched that movie one or two million times.

Okay, people. Be proud that I can track how others are finding me. I haven't figured out how to see where they're from. Give me a while to get that technical.

caramama said...

That's too funny! Great grandma porn. Yikes!

46% of all my searches (since having the analytics, anyway) have to do with a baby fidgeting, flailing or in some way moving. Yes, I actually counted and did the math.

My weirdest search? "i love it when you suck on little annie daddy" Umm, I'm very afraid of that one. Second weirdest is "how do i get a middle teeth". What does that even mean?

As for "when do infants stop being fussy", I wish I could tell you, but I still don't know. And I have no idea about "baby with red skin" either, since my baby is a pale white.

No porn searches yet. Closest on there is "high beams boobs" but I'm sure they were disappointed that there were no pictures.

The Sports Mama said...

With me calling my oldest son "Jock", and mentioning that he's a teenager... you can imagine what I end up with.

I also get a lot of "how to be a team mom" and Brad Paisley searches. Actually, I think that is probably the biggest one. And people asking "how do you know he loves you".

Keri said...

I've gotten one for christmas tree garbage?? not sure on that one...

but most have to do with our society's lack of good spellers...

they type stripey instead of striper i guess...

hence me removing my blog from search engines.

Gledwood said...

OK: I found YOU by simply skipping sideways through comments on a blog I knew... then clicking again and again and again about 10 times till I ended up in momsville territory right over here

right you wanna know how I got found at the bizarrest?

no shadow of a lie I had newly put up my personal ~Gabbly chatroom on my main blog. I told EVERYONE "I shall be online at midnight suchandsuch date for one hour and if I'm NOT online the precise second you come on stick around bc I'm probably just having a pee"

this was enough to match someone's googled keywords "squat down and pee videos"

and they got MY BLOG!!!

Sandy C. said...

EWWWW!!! GReat grandmother porn!?!?!?
sick...oh. so. sick.

I get "Naked photo hunt" and "erotic photo hunt" all.the.time.....

Kari said...

I would say 75% of mine are from "Chanelle" I guess it is a popular name. I think the next popular one is "Photos of children" This alarms me. How many of them are pedafiles and are looking at my children. Should I live in a bubble and take all my photos down I say NO WAY but it alarms me.

Colleen said...

as soon as I can get google analytics to behave themselves again, I'll look and let you know. I'm almost afraid to look. ;)

Colleen said...

oh, and great Shrek-2 reference (something deep-fried and smothered in chocolate..."

Shellie said...

My kids are nudists for years! Surprised they haven't found my site. I would think it would hurt the horse more if you stood on it's back, your weight distribution wouldn't be as good.

Andrea said...

Well, I have the answer you all have been looking for, but since I am the last to comment, then nobody will ever know the answer!! LOL!!
People used to think that you had to stand up to release any pressure off of the horse's kidneys. But then studies showed that you don't have to stand up in the sturips. I guess if it makes you feel better to do that while your horse pees then go right ahead and stand, but as far as the horse is concerned, you can stay seated!
Wow, isn't it wonderful that I have a degree in this stuff. That is right I have a degree in horses, Equine Riding and Training Western Emphasis. I had so much fun in college!! :) It really comes in handy!

Cecily R said...

I have a lot of searches about moon boots. And purple chicken pox. A LOT. I think they always go away disappointed...