My Own Personal Photo Shoot at the DMV

My birthday was last month, for all those who missed it. Yeh, I'm another year older, but the wiser part is still up for debate. Maybe another year closer to insanity, though. But the point of this conversation is headed in the direction of my driver's license. It was up for renewal this year. I sent in the (exhorbitant) fee along with the paperwork and received the camera card. And there it sat, being totally ignored, while the kids were sick for weeks on end.

Since my license expired the day after my birthday, I thought it was high time to get my tail to the DOT and get that taken care of. I don't know about you, but the people at our DMV are hired on their stupidity and slowness. Having zero social skills is also a bonus. But this year it seems they've broken out of their box and hired someone who's actually competent, friendly and works faster than a melting glacier. I was thinking that I'd be in and out quickly despite the handful of people ahead of me.

The man being photographed when I got there was an elderly gentleman. As I was taking off my coat and trying to settle Micah into a "let's be happy here" phase I heard the lady behind the desk ask if he liked the photo or would like to re-do it. Wow. This was a new one on me. You know how your picture usually looks as though you just woke up with the flu after being up all night with a sick child? I SO appreciated that this employee actually looked at the pictures before processing the new license and if it was THAT bad she'd do a re-shoot.

But that isn't how it was at all. It seems that she just asks this as a courtesy. And it's very nice. But when the elderly gentleman asked to have it redone no less than 8 times I was thinking that he was very vain and she was very tolerant. I mean, there are those who aren't photogenic and then there are those who expect professional quality photography at the DMV. That ain't happenin' people. He did say at one point "thank you for being so patient." To which she replied, "no problem. I have all day."

ARRGGGHHHH

She truly does have all day, but the rest of us do not!

To help pass the time, Micah and I were snuggling and wrestling. (What? You don't sneak in snuggles when you wrestle?) He took shameless advantage of the snuggle and blew his nose on my shoulder. Nice. A black sweatshirt shows that up quite nicely. And then it was my turn to have my photo taken. I considered holding Micah since that's what I look like 79.6% of the time. And then I had a scary mom moment. If I renew this thing every 5 years, Micah would be 10!!!! I mentally picked myself up off the floor, gave myself mouth-to-mouth and checked my pulse, and then pulled myself back into the chair to have my mug shot taken. I think I look like a deer in the headlights thanks to my mental train of thoughts.

"How's that, do you want to do it over?"

In reality, the photo makes me look wider than the one I had taken 5 years ago, but it wasn't that bad. I accepted. I waited for the new license to be made, and I headed out the door.

After strapping Micah in his car seat I took a good look at the new picture. Somehow between the photo and the printing a smudge got on it, right at my eye. It looks like a very bad bruise. As if I'd been beaten. Niiiiiice. Along with the snot on my shoulder it's truly a classic. Let's just hope that I don't get pulled over any time soon.

29 comments:

SuburbanCorrespondent said...

Oh, I dread those photos! The camera is not at all kind to me.

Pam said...

I hate getting my picture taken for my license. I had to get mine renewed last year. I was prego with Riley so I was puffy and larger. Now I am stuck with that picture until I can renew again. Of course, by then I will be sad and crying because he is no longer my baby and is instead running crazy around my house!

Melissa said...

Boogers and bruises....maybe you should change your blog name ;)

I had a funny moment with my DL the other day. The last time I had my pic taken I had really long hair and it was black and I was wearing it up.

I got carded the other day and the guy really had to look at it pretty close.

I now wear my hair down, it's short and blonde...nothing like playing stump the bouncer.

anglophilefootballfanatic said...

Strike a Pose! If you don't get a ticket between renewals, they can mail you a new one...my last picture was taken when I was 22. Umm..I will be using that one until I am 100.

ALF said...

The DMV is a real killer. Although, the ones here in our wild west location have been good in my experience (knock on wood...)

LaskiGal said...

Very funny! I can relate to the DMV anxiety. UGH. HATE IT!!!

I am anti-picture, of me, that is. I even tried to hide during my wedding shots (a very difficult feat, I might add).

Spammon said...

No no no, look here. When you get a DMV pic done you HAVE to look completely mean. No smile. Make it look like you don't even care if there's a camera and you can break that camera in half at any second if you feel like it. So then when the police arrest you for something in the future, they can use that pic on the 10:00 news. And then people at home will say "Wow, I wouldn't mess with them."

Tootsie Farklepants said...

DMV cameras are evil.

Karen MEG said...

Wow, nice people at the licensing office, what a treat! Eight re-dos is a bit much, you were very patient.
Those pictures are really intended to make us look our worst, don't you think? I tend to take my glasses off and keep them off afterwards to look at the final product, just so I look that much better!

Burgh Baby's Mom said...

I'm orange in my photo. As in Oompa Loompa orange. It's pretty sexy.

dlyn said...

I got stuck behind a woman who thought she was getting her head shots for her portfolio done the last time I renewed mine. She actually moved her head to show her profile and the woman taking the photo is telling her - "it has to be a full front shot!" She said, "but I look better from the side, you can do it a little from the side can't you?" Aaaaaargh!

Bia said...

My driver's license photo? ugh. At least they got my weight right...it's nice they ask for your weight instead of having you step on a scale!

Madame Queen said...

The last time I got my license renewed they wouldn't let me do a new photo. Said my appearance had not changed substantially enough to get a new one. Hmph!

Lori said...

Don't you hate those photos, oh well if a police officer is looking at your license I highly doubt you are going to be all smiley and happy!

Flea said...

I LOVE my DL photo, taken just this last January. I look extremely large in it. Then in June I had a photo done for a different ID and I looked 30 pounds lighter. Because I was. So the DL photo reminds me what I don't ever want to be again.

Deb in OPKS said...

The last time I got my driver's license picture taken we had just moved to Kansas. I was not thrilled about moving here and certainly did not relish having a Kansas driver's license. My picture shows just how joyful I was and it's good for 6 years or something like that. I love when I have to show it to people. (Not!)

I think they get the employees from the same pool for all the states!

caramama said...

Am I the only one who takes extra time to do my hair and makeup before going to the DMV? I seriously plan for it! My passport pic too.

Or will that change now that I have a kid?

Maria said...

Oh, and you didn't show us a picture of what it looked like? Our DMV hires blind people to work there.

Linds said...

I've never had a good picture taken at the DMV.

Along with being mean and unsocial I think DMV workers are prompted to take bad pictures of people, you know to just really ruin everyone's day.

Irene said...

Gotta love the DMV employees!

Sandy C. said...

There really must be an ugly lens on all DMV cameras. I've never had a good DL pic. I had to get mine taken when I was 9 months preggo. I made an special trip after delivering my daughter to rectify the marshmellow face pic with something that was equally bad :(

The Sports Mama said...

Here in AZ, we don't ever have to renew. Well, not until we're 65. So the one I had done when we moved here two years ago is good for about 30 more years.

The downside is that I'm pretty positive that I won't look like this at that time.

The upside is that I don't have to obsess over re-doing it every few years. :)

Colleen said...

I think they hire DMV employees from the same pool they hire TSA employees from. Not helpful, not nice, not a single itty-bitty ounce of compassion for people there with their kids...you get the picture.
On the plus side, I had my pic taken right after I got married in 2001...so I was all tan and happy, with good hair and highlights from our honeymoon in Florida. I don't have to renew again until 2012 and I don't think I'm required to get a new photo, either! I think it's better than half of my wedding photos! :D

Kellan said...

The photo makes you look "wider" - tee hee! I'm sure it was fine. Gotta love those state employees! Good post - see you later. Kellan

utmomof5 said...

Nothing like a government employee to make your whole day. :)

Christina

SAHMmy Says said...

Too funny. I had my DMV photo retaken a few years ago--apparently it was so bad that they reissued a license with my 16 year old picture on it! I'm 32 and have the hardest time buying wine with my "fake" ID but I won't redo it because I looked pretty good at 16!

Nap Warden said...

Ugh, just no fun...

Cecily R said...

I haven't had mine retaken for 10 years. I look a lot better in the photo and people double take. It's sad really.

Jon just had his done for his CDL and he looks like a big mean felon. It made me laugh. I'm not sure if he appreciated that.

I wonder what she would have done if you HAD tried to hold Micah in the picture...

Shellie said...

How delightful!