Today Micah had his annual visit to the Downs Clinic. I enjoy these enlightening visits but also find them to be very stressful. I vividly remember the first time we were there, our newborn in tow. The fear of the unknown hung about us like a cloud. Our questions were many. The visit was long. And that day kicked off a long string of events that changed the course of our lives forever. And I remember all this the moment I walk into the clinic.
And I still have questions. I save these questions for an entire year, waiting to ask the experts. Waiting for an understanding and sympathetic professional to listen to my concerns and not blow me off or shrug their shoulders in bewilderment.
The visit brings back all our original fears of the unknown. And new fears. Our dear boy is five. Five years old! How did that happen? And yet he cannot talk. He's not potty trained. When will these things happen? Where is he on a scale? Is there a scale for these things?
And school. School is such a big, scary unknown. Will we make the right decision? Can we make a wrong decision? What can we expect him to learn? How hard should we push him? How hard should we push the school system?
I'm overwhelmed today. Overwhelmed with love for my boy. The joy he brings us is comparable to nothing else we've ever experienced. And we have 3 other kids. Think of me what you will, but I cannot explain how we love this boy differently than we love the others. They know, and they do too.
I'm overwhelmed with the responsibility I have of raising him. I can't figure out how to potty train him when I've trained three other kids. I can't decide if he should stay in preschool another year or start kindergarten. I can't understand why raising him has to be so different. Underneath that extra chromosome, he's just a normal kid, after all.
Darn this PMS that brings tears to my eyes and makes my heart swell. I'll regret this in the morning, but tonight I need a wide shoulder to cry on.
32 comments:
Karen, If it makes you feel any better, we have all come to love Micah too. What a sweet soul. Don't let milestones typical to your other children stand in your way. He is loved. He will always know that. Keep going. What a lucky boy to be raised in your home.
Hugs.
He's a lucky little guy. I have no advice to give. Only that it'll all work out given time. Drop by and use my shouldar whenever you need to.
Oh, and I get the different love thing, it's special, and it's appropriate too.
You are not alone. At times it feels that way. We can easily turn to friends and family about raising our "other" children, but when it comes to these special gifts, not everyone understands. Yes, they sympathize, but they really cannot understand. It is good to have the doctors to turn to and a support group of other moms with the same fears and feelings. The other night I went to dinner with some of the other moms in my area. It was so nice to just sit and visit and talk. Sometimes we just need to cry (hormonal or not) so we can get it out and go on. You are doing great things with Micah. It's clear he is happy and loved. The talking will come. I know it. It has too. Right? It is so hard to not be able to communicate with our little ones. I'm crying right along with you, but hopeful that soon I will be able to talk to my child as well. I'm not even going to think about potty training yet!
He is so lucky to have you. You are so sweet and in return he has a sweet soul.
((hugs))
Oh I *so* know where you're coming from (although Mister Man isn't Downs and doesn't have a specific diagnosis at this point, he's special needs). I've had the exact thoughts and fears and days you just described, and I constantly agonize over every little thing I do and how that will impact him and possibly help him or be the wrong decision or or or or.... But so long as he's happy, you're doing exactly what he needs. You're a good mom.
(((hugs))) you just need to trust your instincts. In the end you will make the right choices for your family. Look at what a great job you've done with Micah already.
Cry on mine, mama. I've always been told that I have broad shoulders :)
And sometimes, when I feel this way about Fiver, it's better to just get it out and move on in the morning.
You're doing a great job, Karen.
What a beautiful post. I have only been reading your blog for a short period of time, but he seems like a wonderful child with a beautiful soul.
He seems like he's happy, which means you are doing an excellent job as a mother. Everything else will come with time.
What a sweet little boy. All I can tell you is, you are a good mother and how lucky he is to have you:)
I have some of the widest shoulders there are (they balance my wide hips), and am happy to be a place you can vent any time you need it.
I've seen you with Micah and can honestly say you are doing a FABULOUS job. Your patience with him and the love that radiates from you both is amazing.
*hugs*
You do a fantastic job! I hope you have a better day today! BIG ((((HUG))))).
I wish I had some fantastic words to make you feel better. The most important hing you can do is to love him. You are abviously doing that very well. Trust in yourself that you will make the right decisions for him. He is one cute boy!!!
{{{HUGS}}}
You know how squishy I feel about that kid. He makes me all giggly and weepy at the same time.
I am constantly amazed by your patience and honesty and everything else with him. I truly truly believe there's no family that he should be in more.
Oh, I know how you feel. I love all my kids, but with Caroline it is different. I think because there is such an innocence there that our other kids grow out of so fast. Caroline has a complete unconditional love for her family. And that will never change. Not that my other kids have "conditional" love, but there is definitely a difference.
And we also have such a fierce protectiveness for our "special" kids. This world can be a cruel place, and when you have a child who is less capable of defending themselves, it makes our job as a mom harder.
Take care.
We are 10 years into our journey with our "challenged" boy. The extra year of preschool was a good decision for him. It's very okay to cry and to admit the love you feel for him is beyond what you ever might have imagined or felt for the others. And the other 3 kids? My other 3 see their brother as an equal, a hero, and someone they would fight to protect. We are able now to look back and see the Lord's hand in our journey. Pretty cool!
As I continue to evolve as a mother I marvel at all of the things we as mother's do. We analyze and strategize all for the good of our children. It is part of the job extra chromosone or not and you are doing a wonderful job!
What a gorgeous picture. And crying is totally allowed, especially when you heap hormones onto everything else.
It's clear to all of us that you're doing all you can and that Micah's a lucky, loving, sweetheart of a kid.
he is adorable along with all of your other children, it looks to me like you've done a great job raising all of your children. hope you have a better day.
No, don't regret it - we are always here to lean on!! He's a doll, Karen - such a little doll!!
Have a good day - Kellan
You are such a strong person.
You are an amazing mom! And you are definitely the best mom for Micah... the way you talk about him and love him, it is obvious. And he is a wonderful boy that we all love.
But the unknowns and the responsibility must be very difficult. You cry all you want for the joy and the hardships. My shoulders are right here.
He is lucky to have a mom like you. You care enough to worry about all of it. I'm sure you are doing fine. Sorry about the PMS...I'm so there, too.
I hope you're having a better day today. I think your boy is lucky to have great mom!
Oh Karen I have no advice or words of wisdom but I just wanted to say that this post and that beautiful, beautiful picture touched my heart.
Lean on dear! That is what we are here for!
My shoulder has widened just for you, and my heart has only grown fonder of your sweet Micah. He is a lucky boy for having you as a mommy.
He is so darn cute! PMS is awful isn't it. UGH.
Best PMS snack though:
bag of chocolate chips
bag of butterscotch chips
Box of Chex cereal and some peanuts (or whatever nut you prefer) or even pretzels (just something salty)
Melt the chips. Pour them in a bowl with the cereal and nuts then spoon out TBSP of them onto parchment and let them cool. They are ridiculously tonguegasmically delectable and super easy. Plus you get crunchy, sweet, chocolate and salt all in one. :-) PMS busting delight!!
Thanks for commenting.
BIG HUGS!!!!
I'm sure it will all work out...God never gives us more than we can handle. Although He does a good job of testing our weight limit, though, huh?:) You'll be fine...just keep the faith and know that really all Micah truly needs is love.
And this may sound crazy but I love my two boys differently. I love each as much as the other but for oh so different reasons, which I'm sure will change and shift as they get older and I get to know them more.
He's adorable. Love that shot. The questions never end. I've watched many friends and family with kids who have different challenges ask the same. I'm impressed with those that don't assume their child can't do things, but help them do it at their own pace and way and accept where they are today. I wouldn't limit him, but try to reach for HIS best always. Help him find what works for him. Help others who work with him see him as you do. You're doing great!
I love that pic of Micah! That's what makes parenthood all worth it isn't it?
I think no matter what decisions we make about school I'll probably second guess it! I'm still partly torn about the decision to send Kayla to K, but I think I would be torn holding her back for another year of preschoo too!
If only there were an instruction manual :)
I'm sending you some hugs. And one for Micah too.
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