Burn, Baby, Burn

There are apparently things that push Sam's buttons. He's such an easy-going man, just like my dad. It takes a lot to rile him and he puts up with me and all my buttons regularly. He deserves a medal for that. So what do I do? Find his buttons and push them.

It started innocently enough with a trip to visit his brother in Florida. We had 2 kids at the time and got the brilliant idea to buy an inverter so that they could watch TV on the drive there. It was a spendy little investment but well worth it's own weight in gold. We mail ordered it, the box came, we opened it, and declared it was good.

Fast forward a week or so. I was conducting one of those experiments where I wonder how long something will lay in one spot before it's picked up. That box the inverter came in obviously wasn't going to be picked up by anyone but myself, so I did. I had a lot of other large boxes and burnables, so I started a fire and tossed them in. There, no extra bags in the trash this week.

But then we couldn't find the inverter. We looked high and low. And because you're astute readers you all know exactly where it was. Oh yes. I burned the inverter in it's own box. Brand new, never used. And it was not a good day in our house.

It would take a lot to eclipse this memory in my husband's mind. And for good reason. But I was 8 months pregnant at the time and still claim I wasn't responsible for my actions. Sadly, I found a way to make this memory dim in comparison. I'm brilliant like that.

After we finished building the house I was cleaning up around the place. If you've ever been to a worksite you know that the chaos and mess are of immense proportions. I had permission from Sam to burn anything that I wanted, within reason. (Don't you love disclaimers like that?) But I was to do it while he was at work so that his pack-ratty ways wouldn't interfere with my obvious desire to see things go up in flames.

I made the largest fire known to mankind. In went the rolls of snow fence that were slowly rotting in the woods. In went the odds and ends of lumber leftover from building. In went trash collected from the yard and construction site. In went boxes and packing things. And in my desire to clean the place up, in went the 5 gallon buckets the drywall plaster came in.

Sam called as I was watching things slowly burn to nothing. He asked if I'd cleaned yet. He asked what went in the fire. I reminded him that he wasn't to ask, for his own sake. But he pushed. And I stupidly told him.

He was on his way to the doctor when he called. He was slightly detained as they needed to retake his blood pressure a few times. They were concerned at it's high level.

I burned his buckets. And I'm still alive to tell about it.

But you have to know the rest of the story. I know the full value of these little gems. I know that we use them to water the horses with, to grow tomatoes in, to carry and store things in. I also know that he has probably 100 or so (no exaggeration) in his dad's garage. I know he needs another several dozen like I need a hole in my pretty little head.

But, I burned his buckets.

This has been a few years ago now. I still cannot bring this up without his nose flaring, his eyes glaring and steam coming out his ears. He will probably never find this amusing.

Don't ever come between a man and his buckets.

24 comments:

Burgh Baby's Mom said...

Step away from the matches, wumman!

Sandy C. said...

Oy! So glad you lived to tell about it.
I can relate though. I have a million purses, but don't dare suggest I donate any of them to charity. I just may be able to use that stonewashed denim bag from 1980 again one day!

Debbie Yost said...

That bonfire makes me want to grab some marshmallows.

jessica said...

i bet he makes sure to be specific now an not say "within reason".

Leanne said...

Lol. Good for you.

I'm with you on the burning thing. Trouble is I want to burn half the house these days. I've got BAD spring cleaning fever. :)

caramama said...

Yeah, "within reason" is pretty vague. It's really his own fault. ;-)

Andrea said...

Men they are so touchy about their trash, oh I ment, treasures! They just need to learn how to let go! My husband keeps everything too! I go in spurts with tossing things out, sometimes I go way too crazy and toss out something he needed!

Beth from the Funny Farm said...

Hahahaa.... Burn those buckets!

Michelle said...

Wow, I didn't think those buckets even *would* burn. Learn something new every day.

Here's hoping your next fire is a little less memorable....

Melissa said...

LOL, well who knew. Thanks for the warning, I will remember this for future reference.

Tootsie Farklepants said...

So, what you're saying is that if I ever get to meet the two of you I shouldn't say something like, "Hey! Remember the time she burned your buckets? Wasn't that a hoot!"

No?

Queen Mommy said...

Who knew! So funny!! And yes, he is a GOOD man!

CassJustCurious said...

I don't get it with the buckets either but when I tell you that my father has HUNDREDS of buckets and that they take up a whole ROOM in his storage I am NOT exaggerating. I asked him if I could have 5 so I could grow some tomatoes on my deck he had to THINK about it - because he wasn't sure he could part with FIVE whole buckets. He suggested I start with 3 and then wondered if I'd be doing any household projects that would render me able to REPLACE his buckets. I just Do Not Get It.

Caution said...

I had a little trouble learning that rechargable batteries shouldn't be thrown out when things stop working. My "Can't we just buy more?" was not well accepted the first, second or third time.

We have drums, too. Our neighbors on both sides have asked about them!

Jennifer said...

heh I did something similar once. We bought a fancy-flat panel monitor (back when they were brand-new and still pricey) but we had a $100 rebate! woo! In a cleaning spree, I threw out the box that had been sitting in our tiny little apartment entry for over a week, forgetting that I needed to cut part of the box to send in with the rebate form. OOOPS. I got in big trouble for that.

I also put away the folder that came with our installation for Windows XP, so when something went wrong with our computer, it needed reinstalled... but we couldn't find the license key. My husband was able to find something online to recover it, but I got 'yelled at' (I put that in quotes, because, um, I'M THE BOSS, OKAY? I don't get yelled at.) for putting stuff away.

A few weeks later, I found the folder with the license key on it. HA!

Flea said...

Ouch. It's the other way around here. My Hunny was always throwing away my treasures when we were newlyweds. He's the one who will watch us step over a sock a hundred times while smoke curls out of his ears.

Razor Family Farms said...

Absolutely hilarious!

Blessings!
Lacy

just jamie said...

Lady, no more fires for you!!!

Cecily R said...

Jon is the firestarter around here. In fact one of his claims to fame is that he lit half a mountain on fire with trick candles (he kept throwing them over his shoulder when they went out and then they kept reigniting) when he was about 7.

The two of you would have a grand old time...but no bucket burning.

Is it just me or does bucket burning sound suggestive?

Yea, its just me.

Madame Queen said...

Did you also somehow get your hands on my missing box with all my photo albums in it? Cause I can't find that sucker anywhere!

anglophilefootballfanatic said...

I love me some pyro women! Go Karen Go. And, tell your hubby they are JUST BUCKETS.

Shelle said...

Totally hilarious!!! I have things like that also with my husband...I couldn't stop laughing...I totally relate!

Colleen said...

yikes! you burned plastic buckets????

Shellie said...

You BURNED? HIS? BUCKETS??? How Could you??? (nostrils flaring) :)