The Joke Is On Me

We all whine and moan about the kids growing up too fast. I mean, it was just yesterday that I was changing diapers.

No, wait. That was today.

But really, one day you're listening to the pitter patter of little feet and the next they're wearing your shoes. It's just not right that time keeps marching on in such a steady fashion. We need a pause button. Or a rewind.

When Becky and Josh were little I would freak them out by telling stories of them when they got older. I would remind Josh to be nice to his sister because his friends would think he had the hottest older sister ever and would ask to come over all the time.

He guffawed and snorted and rolled on the floor laughing.

I told Becky that she needed to learn how to get along with her brother because he would be a protector and champion for her one day if she played her cards right.

She rolled her eyes and sighed.

The universe has decided to play a cosmic joke on me and twist my words. I'm the one who's now horrified. Becky is 13, and Josh is 11. Becky's friends all head to Josh's room when they're here. I have to closely monitor to be sure that after pajamas are donned, each gender stays in their designated area.

Good lands, I didn't see this coming. Since when was it cool to hit on younger boys when you were a teen girl?

One of the girls on the bus is under the delusion that she's going out with Josh. For real. Becky finds this all kinds of hysterical, and she's right on a few fronts. The fact that said girl imagined it all and Josh wasn't even aware of any of it is rather amusing. But I am not amused by the fact that said girl is a senior.

Did you hear me? A 12th grader is hitting on my 5th grade boy. What is wrong with this? What is wrong with her?! Where are her parents and why is she allowed out of the house?!!!

How does one manage to get through the teen years with their hair and sanity intact? I've only just dipped a toe in the water and already I'm stressing. Is it Valium? Is that the answer?

25 comments:

Aimee said...

Holy Crow, I'm at the top of the comment pile! Will wonders never cease? :)

All I can say is this:

a) You must be able to get access to horse tranquilizers, right? Necessity is the mother of invention, mama.

b) tell Miss Cradle Robber to get a college boyfriend, like every other self-respecting 12 grader.

c) Drink heavily.

Good luck. I fully intend on giving my children to my mother when they hit the teen years and taking off for the Bahamas.

Flea said...

Vodka, Karen. Vodka is the answer to all your problems. Ah, if only it were that easy.

Man, I am not jealous at ALL. That is just too psycho! Senior and fifth grade? What the heck?

Bia said...

Well, you definitely need something strong ... yikes.

Karen Deborah said...

That chick needs counselling quick tht is smackly close to pedifilia and she may be in trouble. NO NO can not have big kids after little ones, Lord help me Jesus. I woulda freaked!
Your life however, my dear is never dull, neve boring, not even in the slow lane, mediocrity would be a relief, maybe even some cold that would put the tempests to bed for a short stay, but no good health is here except pink eye, travelling among anything within it's orbits! ha pun intended.

ok forget about it, how do you DO all of this? Do you dream about those guysin the little white coats who are coming to take me away!!!! hhaahhhaa where life is beautiful all the time,...

the planet of janet said...

that? is weird.

worse than weird. creepy.

Trannyhead said...

I would have totally gone after a younger boy. Maybe not two years younger, but a grade younger? Absolutely.

As far as a 5th grader when I was a senior? Not so much. I - um - had plenty of hawt guys older than I was by then!

ClumberKim said...

Had a 7th grade boyfriend when I was in 8th. Come to think of it, I had a 10th grader too. I was equal opportunity.

Michelle said...

Karen, you are SO not helping me feel better about having to parent teens someday.

But really, going for younger boys is weird. But I had a thing for 19 year olds. When I was 14 and 15 and 16. And 18 and 19. I've NEVER dated younger than me though. Good luck. Really.

Karen said...

I'd be willing to bet there is more to that story than what you are hearing. Not that all information would make you feel any better.....infact it would probably make it worse, but at least it would make sense to you.

Good luck with that.

imbeingheldhostage said...

hiding my head in shame... I robbed the cradle. I was graduating high school when my hubby was still wearing under roos (and shhhh! This is JUST between you and me). Of course I wasn't dating him WHEN I was in high school...

Caution Flag said...

My kids are the same ages as yours. And, like you, my daughter's friends flirt like crazy with my 11 year old boy. One of the bully girls is always trying to get a kiss out of him. I think the girls are so amazingly immature that the younger, safer boys look better.

Now for your boy and the senior girl ... I think she's having a lot of fun with a joke (???) I hope so anyway.

mommaof4wife2r said...

so i totally linked u on SITS blogathon today...

Andrea said...

No drinking, you need to find out where that girl lives and walk up to her and tell her she needs to get a life and a new boyfriend!! That is gross. She has to be at least 17!! What is she thinking?

I know it's not bad to date someone who is like 3 or 4 years older or younger than you, but that only becomes okay when you are both in your 20s.

I don't think I want my kids to grow up! LOL!! At least Josh was totally oblivious!!

Tracey said...

Seriously, if the genders were reversed and it was a 12th grade boy and a 5th grade girl, I'm thinking authorities would be being called...

Is it a joke, perchance? Hopefully???

Marmarbug said...

Someone needs to teach that girl the WAYS! Every self respecting girl knows that she must date an OLDER boy is high school.

You need some vodka.

Anonymous said...

Our experience: One grade either way, no big deal. Two grades, it's usually the older one coming off a break-up and/or wanting to push an ex-boyfriend's buttons. (that's assuming that the older is the girl, which for us was always the case.) It won't last long, typically. More than two grades apart, something weird is going on.

Pam said...

Oh crap! That is it- I'm not letting my kids grow up- not letting them! Do you hear me universe??

Trisha said...

Yikes! That is a bit too much of an age difference! Someone needs to set that girl straihgt about your little boy!

My boys are Army Brats said...

Aww she's probably just joking around and the younger kids don't get it......or she has issues! LOL!

You do have some good looking kiddo's! And it was never ok for teen girls to like younger boys when I was the teen girl that's for sure!

Shellie said...

Take two pills and call me in the morning. Yikes! Is that girl ok? I don't think so...as for the pause and rewind button, I'm embarrassed to say I cried at the end of Click because of that sentiment.

Cecily R said...

Yeesh. THAT is something I'm not ready for at all...

I dated a sophomore when I was a senior, but it only lasted a month or so. A senior drooling over an 11 year old is all kinds of weird.

JennyH said...

Holy cow!! I dread the teenage years. I would not of even WANTED to date a 5th grader when I was in 12th. That is very strange!

Colleen said...

creeeeeeeepy. sounds like she's a teacher-student scandal waiting to happen...

Debbie Yost said...

My husband is 1 1/2 years younger than me, but 2 grade levels behind me. I met him the end of my Jr. year in college and the end of his freshman. When I found out his age, I had to stop and think, but by this age the 2 years isn't as big of difference. That was the first time I would have considered dating someone that much younger than me. If this girl seriously likes you son, I'd have to agree that you need to keep a close eye on her. That is wrong. Period.

caramama said...

That is crazy. I am sooooo not looking forward to the teenage years!!