Let's Talk About The Weekend

It all started last year this time. Remember the dog that decided not to be a father? And remember how we replaced him with a dog that was truly a stud? Well, the new dog, after fathering two litters, has decided that his quota at our kennel has been fulfilled. He's not performing either. This happened Christmas Eve. I did not panic on Christmas Eve, and enjoyed myself on Christmas Day while our Grace-dog was throwing herself all over the dog who wouldn't perform. I'll bet if she could have access to clippers she would have shaved herself into some lingerie, she was that desperate. But alas, she got nothing for her efforts.

I was a bit hacked. Sam? Was even more so. And I quote, "why did we spend all that money to buy that dog if he isn't any better than the other dog that we had?" (This was said with flaring nostrils and steam coming from his ears. I could tell this even over the phone while he was at work.)

So I spent a lot of my time online looking for a suitable suitor for our desperate girl. One within driving distance, one with a good pedigree, one that would produce the quality of pups that I'm looking for. That? Is a chore. But perseverance pays off, and I struck gold in Ohio.

Sam had a better idea. Why not take the dogs to the vet and have them assisted? This would be much cheaper than paying stud fee and I wouldn't have to drive all over creation. It was a good plan, to be sure. Except the vet didn't have any openings on Friday, and if you know anything about ovulation you know that there's a very small window of opportunity. (I know, TMI. And it's about to get worse.)

So then I remembered that the vet told me earlier this year, "what I do isn't rocket science. You can do this at home." I listened politely while he explained in minute detail what to do, thinking the whole time, "buddy, there are some things that are worth paying someone else to do. This is one of them."

And yet, there I was at the vet for my very own Violate Your Dog At Home Kit. He's right, there's nothing scientific about it. In fact, it's quite old fashioned in it's implementation. I'll let your brain wrap itself around that thought for a second.

The dog wouldn't cooperate. He's the timid kind, and while he seemed to enjoy things for a split second, he ended up in a ball in the corner of the dog house. Epic Fail. I was back to driving three hours for doggie green beans. I had to call Sam first to confirm because in his current state of mind over the dogs he may decide that no puppies would be better than driving 3 hours one way and paying good money for something that we should have at home and don't. I was lectured up one side and down the other, he threatened to sell the kennel (but graciously allowed me to keep a few for pets) and then said we didn't really have a choice. Not being one to poke the beast, I'd like to have let it drop. But in my mind we did have a choice. Puppies, or no puppies. I needed to know which one he was leaning toward because arrangements needed made for the pro-puppy choice. So I asked again. And received the full brunt of the flared nostrils and steamy ears. Again. But I also made arrangements to drive to Ohio on Saturday.

We had sold both our remaining Scotties to a wonderful family in Florida last week. I made arrangements to have them driven down sometime in January. Then the new owners decided that was later than they wanted and hinted that we could fnd them new homes. CRAP I checked the weather and realized that it would be warm enough this weekend to fly the dogs out. (They won't ship below 45 degrees. In PA this may or may not happen until April-ish.) I took the puppies to the vet on Tuesday for their health certificate and learned that one of them had a hernia. I know this should be obvious, but trust me, it wasn't. Being honest, I let the new owners know that she couldn't be used for breeding and I'd have to keep her. They hinted that they wanted both or none. DOUBLE CRAP. Thankfully they called back and said they'd still take the other girl. So flight arrangements were made for Saturday afternoon. If we could make it one big day and get all the dog stuff taken care of, it was better than making two trips.

Saturday dawned early and we drove like mad to get to Ohio. Begin the waiting game. Dogs have to get acquainted, you know. And wait. And wait. Bingo! Load up and head to Pittsburgh! I ran into the airport terminal, knowing I was just at the 90 minute cut-off, and waited in line. I was then informed that I needed to be at cargo. That was a drive around the entire airport. We were late, and they refused to fly the puppy. I cried right there at the counter. It did no good. I walked to other airlines there at cargo and was told nobody could help me. I called the new owners in FL and told them we missed the flight. What other day worked for them? Well, nothing really. They wanted the dog that weekend. TRIPLE CRAP. I cried again. But then they called back and graciously rearranged their schedule the next day if we could get her in to the airport later in the evening. I made the flight arrangements and it was all good, except we had to make the 1.5 hour drive back to the airport the next day.

Sunday morning we headed out bright and early so as to avoid the tail-gating traffic for the Steelers game. We stopped for brunch at Panera and I spit a few honkers in my underpants. We made the flight and headed back home. The Mother of all Sinus Drainages was morphing into a lower respiratory infection, and I ached all over every time I moved or breathed. But the good news is that the weekend is over and not only do I still have a kennel, but I'll have some nice puppies at the end of February.

I found a really nice dog to replace our dud of a stud with. Sam and I talked about making the purchase and even showing him. I. Was. So. Excited. I was waiting for more pictures to be forwarded of the dog before I made a final decision. I got them today. I'm hesitant to bring him up again. I'm thinking he won't be happening at this point. The kennel is on the low-down right now. Except that I have to bring Rhythm up. Rhythm-girl has decided that Grace should not be the only one to have all the green beans. She wants some now, too. This week. Dare I even bring up the drive to OH again? Does someone want to poke the beast for me? Is anyone taking bets on Rhythm having puppies?

16 comments:

Jenn said...

Oh my Lord what a crazy few days ! I would be nuts !

Andrea said...

What a weekend!! At least the people in Florida were nice enough, right?? And we are startting a "kennel" too. My husband bought our puppy for breeding. Ugh...I am not looking forward to it. But all my husband wants are females. We will pay the stud fees and do all the driving. I would prefer to own the stud and not have any females. I will have to get some puppy tips from you when we get close to puppy time.

I hope you get to feeling better soon. I hate sinus crud!

Debbie Yost said...

If EVER I was inclined to have a kennel, and being as I'm NOT a dog person those chances were pretty nil to begin with, after reading your woes, there is noooo way I would! I'm sorry you had such a rough weekend. I hope your efforts were with it and you get some beautiful puppies out of the ordeal. I'll keep my fingers crossed for Rhythm, but I'm not going to offer to help poke at your dud!

Melissa said...

Wow, that seems like so much work. Yo must have the heart of a saint and the stamina of a football player...you just keep tackling things that get in you way.

Good luck~

the planet of janet said...

no wonder you didn't want to talk about it for a coupla days.

oy. just oy.

Karen Deborah said...

I used to want to breed dogs. My first dog was a male and he had epilepsy so he got neutered and became the love of my life as my favorite dog in all the world. Lulu however had some screw loose and she would not have contributed to the improvement of her breed so she got spayed and has a new home. Listening to you I am sure I don't want to breed puppies. Why would a male get shy? Skipping puppies might have been nice this time after all you went through with the last bunch.
I've got way to weird ideas about this "not rocket science" with the dogs....uh uh, do not want puppies that much.

Michelle said...

Yeah.... I can see why this past weekend wasn't so great for you. Good luck with Rhythm (and I refuse to make any jokes here). Fingers crossed that it all works out and ummm the dogs get it figured out in 2009!

mommaof4wife2r said...

i think the boy is just under too much pressure! ha...and th green beans in your house. dang girl. you better make some casserole or something!

utmomof5 said...

If that is the life of a dog pimp I think I will find another job :) What a crazy weekend. Glad to hear you are still married!!

I love your use of green beans -- I now I will never be able to look at green beans on my plate the same way :)

Flea said...

Oh good lord, woman. My hat's off to you. And then some. The attempt to assist your stud dog, all by itself, has my undying respect. Though maybe you can get to the vet this time, rather than drive to Ohio again?

Leanne said...

Oh my gosh. I'm exhausted just READING all this. And to think I'm wondering if I can handle ONE dog. Yes, I'm a wimp. Good luck with it all! AND I loved imagining certain bits of the story, it made me laugh - what does that say about me? Don't answer that.

Burgh Baby said...

Maybe it's time to add some candles and mood lighting to the kennel. You know, a little something to help the boy get in the groove.

Sorry your weekend sucked so hard. Hopefully this one will be a million times better.

caramama said...

Good grief, those dogs are a lot of work! I thought our one dog and one cat was work, but they are nothing compared to yours!

I can't wait for puppy pics! And I loved "doggie green beans." Too funny!

Shellie said...

Who ever thought that doggy green beans could be so complicated? When they're mutts, they're sluts, and they'll do it with any other dog in the neighborhood. Those had better be awesome puppies after all that work!

Hey it's Amy Shipp said...

Wow! What I crazy weekend!!

Trannyhead said...

For the love of Jehovah - I saw the plurks. But this is SOOO much worse reading the post.