Some People Are More Stupider Than Others

My sister-in-law gave me some canned dog food. It came with the warning that it made her dog gassy. As in, clear the room and declare it a nuclear war zone kind of gassy. I reassured her that we have outside dogs and we could really care less what they smell like.


So I brought that stuff home and set it out to remind myself to feed it to them. And then, as I sat there and looked at it, I got to thinking. Everyone's digestive tract is different, right? I mean, just because it made one very geriatric dog gassy doesn't mean it's going to make every dog gassy. And our dogs are young and healthy. Plus, they're used to having a variety of foods tossed their way. Or left laying by Micah. Our dogs take their jobs as food vacuums seriously around here. Like the 1 pound bag of pepperoni that was inhaled by the dogs. And that had no effect on their gastric system whatsoever.


So I did the unthinkable. I opened that can of canned dog food. The smell was like pure heaven to a dog (kinda like road kill on a hot summer day) and they came running from the far corners of the house. I had to fight them back so that I could put it in their bowl. They were kind enough to share without snarling at each other, but the price they pay for that is scarfing and swallowing so as to get the most possible food that they can.


Well, they loved it. But I had no doubt that they would. I opened the door and invited them to go play outside for a while, just in case something unpleasant really did happen. I'm not stupid, you know.


I know you can see where this is going.


Those dogs weren't inside 45 seconds before I noticed one of them eating something off the floor. It looked exactly like the dog food that I fed them, chunks and all. I was horrified that they were eating it, but figured if they were that dumb it was one less mess for me to clean up. Why yes, I did just walk away and let them finish the job. But don't worry, I scrubbed the spot with ammonia when they were done.


Let this be a lesson to you. When someone gives you warning about something, believe them. Don't try to prove anything yourself. The smell is still lingering, and that's been a few hours. I think the inventor of canned dog food didn't even like dogs and was trying to punish the owners.