Her Epitaph Will Read, 'Eaten Alive By Paperwork'

The first day of school has taught me that I will have more homework than the kids as a collective will for the entire first month. I have to fill out a form for this and sign my name to that, and then I have to multiply all those by the number of kids currently enrolled in public school. And since I'm whining, I'm just going to tell you that I actually get writers cramp doing it all, because is this age of keyboarding everything you need to say, actual handwriting has fallen by the wayside.

I made a big, huge mistake last year right after school started. In my effort to be super organized and efficient, I asked that the kids empty their folders. Anything that needed signed or filled out goes on one pile, and everything that was simply reading material goes on another.

See me make the kids take initiative?

See me be really, really stupid?

See me freak when I realize that there are not 3 of the same forms, but 3 different and very non-specific ones? Which kid does this form belong to? Which teacher wants this? Does it look like something from a 4th grader? Or maybe more high schooler-ish? Or is it from Micah's Life Skills class? Who knows?!

See my head explode?

So this year I was way smarter. I told the kids to put their bookbags on the table, completely intact. Do not open that zipper, or you'll face sudden and instant maiming. And then I plunged in. I was armed with paper clips, sticky notes, and a pen. Each child got a stack of "to sign" clipped together with their name sticky-noted onto it, and a "to read" stack with a named sticky. When I am allowed to run the house my own way, things are super organized. Sometimes, I scare myself. But don't ask me where the scissors are at any given time, because despite the fact that we have 3 pair, nobody seems to know anything.

This year, the school is now laughing as they read this. They will have the last laugh, too, because in each "to sign" stack were only about 2 papers. People, I know for a fact that more will be forthcoming, because I already know of 1 form that was missing from the heap. And that form will be multiplied by 3. This year, the school is going to slowly break me down instead of killing me on the first day. And once again, I know I'll reach the point where I just say, "put the papers that need signed here."

I just can't win this game.