People Look At Me Weirdly When I Talk About This

Last year, we jumped on board the Halloween Decor Wagon. Previously, I decorated for fall and avoided the whole Halloween thing. But the kids asked, so I complied. And now, it's all I've been thinking about for quite some time. People, how have I missed the fun of Halloween decor all these years?

I have a plan. My plan will not come about because it's going to take way more work than I want to put into it, and neither will I want to spend the money to do it, but maybe someone will take my plan and run with it. I plan to make a Biblical Halloween layout. I know what you're thinking (something along the lines of "huh?") but truly, some of the best stuff is in the Bible.

There is Absolom, David's son, who hung in a tree by his hair after his donkey ran through the woods during a war. He was speared through by the enemy while he hung there. Halloween decor at it's finest.

And Jonah, who was swallowed by a fish. There's a lot of fun to be had with that. You can go the giant-fish-eating-a-man-in-your-front-lawn route, or just run with the fact that Jonah would have been bathed in digestive juices for a few days before being spit out, thereby fading him white like a zombie and smelling like fish barf. Either one is Halloween-worthy.

There is Jezebel, who is perhaps my favorite. She fell off a wall, got trampled by horses, and eaten by dogs. Gruesome, to be sure. You could have dismemberment, blood, guts, brains - all sorts of wrongness with that one.

And then there's the lady who took out a bad guy by giving him refuge in her tent, offering him warm milk to drink, lulling him to sleep, and driving a tent spike through his temples. She rocks the Halloween scene.

Samson had his eyes gouged out, there was the naked man living in the graveyard who was possessed by demons, the 10 plagues of Egypt make for awesome nightmare-inducing, Lot's wife turned into a salt statue,
a bunch of teens were eaten by bears for making fun of a bald prophet, the crucifixion of Jesus (and others) is rather bloody, and there's a whole lot of fun and interesting going on in the book of Revelation.

Seriously, I have to wonder why anyone even felt the need to come up with things like witches and demons. Which, by the way, are both Bible characters. I'm thinking if someone had the time and inclination, an entire haunted house could be filled with Biblical things, and could well be the freakiest things anyone has ever seen.