How My Mind Completely Twisted the Boy Scouts of America

His excitement over Boy Scouts isn't new. He wanted to join last year, right up until sign-up night, and then he changed his mind because he "didn't want to be tied down every night of the week." But this year Luke followed through with his enthusiasm and joined, mostly because he'd already checked to see if he could get out of it "in case the need arises." That's dedication, right there.

So last night was sign-up night, and as I was looking over the information that Luke brought home, I realized that one paper said it would be 6-7PM, and the other paper said 5-7PM. Highlighted text that has been copied results in a blackened mark over that text that is still readable, but certainly not highlighted. The 5-7PM text was highlighted and copied. I figured it was the correct paper. Plus, Boy Scouts meet 5 minutes from the house, so even if I'm early, coming home for another hour would beat missing half the first meeting.

I knew I was an hour early when there were 2 other cars in the lot, and I saw the flags being carried into the building. But I went in anyway, just to clarify. "Hi," I said. "I wasn't sure what time the Boy Scouts were meeting. I had two different papers, with two different times listed. Am I an hour early, or does it start at 5?"










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"I just wasn't sure if I was on time, or too early. Do you know when it starts?" Three people pointed to the one whose back had been turned to me. "You'll need to talk to her." She continued to shuffle papers and ignore both me, and the fact that she was just handed a stranger full of questions.








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"I guess I'm an hour early. I'll head home and come back at 6."

"If you give me a minute to finish the paperwork, I'll get you signed in. Can you just wait? It starts at 6. I crossed out the 5:00 time." It sounded rather huffy, considering I was the one who was being snubbed. But I spent my time waiting by explaining my situation. "It really looked like it had been highlighted and copied. I thought you were marking that as more important."

Luke was handed a mini copy of the Boys Life magazine he'll begin receiving through the Scouting year, and he promptly buried his nose in the text. I filled out paperwork, handed over a check for $15 (although, clearly that had been highlighted and copied as well - the part that said registration between September and December only cost $5), and was given information for popcorn sales.

Because my mind tends to wander a lot, and sometimes goes down twisty paths based on all the CSI shows that I watch, I was thinking to myself that the Boy Scouts would be a perfect place for pedophiles to hang out. I mean, boys come flocking to you for out-of-school activities, and expect you to take them out and about and do fun things with them. I was just chastising myself for my twisted thought waves, knowing that anyone working with kids has had background checks, when one of the ladies interrupted both my train of thought and the speech given by the Lady In Charge.

"I just want to say that as the Popcorn Colonel for the past three years, we're not selling popcorn. We're selling Boy Scouts."

People, I kid you not, my mind split into two distinct halves. One half was rolling it's eyeballs and guffawing loudly that not only would someone actually come up with a title like that, but that someone else would  proudly call themselves that in public. The Popcorn Colonel? Did they also spell it Kernel, instead?

The other half of my mind was whistle blowing and dialing 911, becuase it was already thinking that the Boy Scouts were a pedo haven, and now they just told me that they're selling Boy Scouts. All I could think of to say was, "What?" I am not good at hiding my facial expressions, so I'm sure the horror was evident.

"I just mean that we're not selling popcorn, we're asking people to buy Boy Scouts, and in return they'll get popcorn for their investment." And my mind was thinking, Oh my gosh, it's getting worse! They REWARD you for buying your own personal little boy. HELP ME UNDERSTAND THIS INSANITY.

Thankfully, one of the other ladies butted in at this point. "I just told my son to say, 'I'm a member of the Boy Scouts. Would you like to support our troop in one of these dollar amounts? As a thank you, we'll give you popcorn for your donation.'"

I think it may be a very interesting year of Scouting ahead of us. And I think I just figured out how they get parents to volunteer so easily. But Luke is excited, so I have to be excited, too. I'm just glad that Scouting is a father-son time, and hope Sam doesn't have to work evenings EVERY Tuesday.