The One Where I Admit How Weenie I Am

Getting away is always a nice thing. Mostly.  The extended family is at a ski resort somewhere in Virginia for a holiday vacation. (Don't worry, would be burglars, our home is protected by 5 bulldogs of the french variety that would lick you to a literal death, and my parents are keeping an eye on the dogs to be sure they don't actually lick someone to that point. And also, anything of value that we own is with us, which is really sad knowing that our iDevices and computer are the most valuable things that we own. Besides the dogs, but if you want those you can have Jack because I have issues with that dog at present, but that's  a story for another day.) 

The irony of the fact that we headed south during a snow storm only to find the one place that's every bit as cold as it is at home is not lost on me. Neither is the fact that we're at a ski resort, and you can see two ski resorts from our kitchen window at home. We don't ski. 

This ski resort boasts an indoor water park as well, and that was the game plan today. The family loves water parks, most especially Micah. That boy loves playing in the water. Much unlike his mama, actually. I have issues with water on my face so badly that I can't even put my face under a shower stream. But I love sitting in a water park taking pictures of my kids having an awesome time playing. Seriously, I do. Eight hours today, we all had a great time.

I do love me a good lazy river, though, and this place has a great one. I floated for a few cumulative hours today, and it was nice. And then I made the stuuuuuupid statement that I might go on a water slide. I meant those water slides, that ranked somewhere between the playground-sized sliding board for toddlers and the great big long enclosed tubes that run outside the building and back in again before dumping you into a large pool to slow you down. I meant the mid-line slides that are open, inside the park complex, and twist around once or twice as you cross your arms behind your head and lay there enjoying the ride. I was watching people come off those and realized that nobody was getting face-dunked on those, so I'd give them a whirl.

But the family misunderstood me. They herded me to the big giant enclosed tubes and poked and prodded and pleaded. I'm claustrophobic in addition to having sensory issues with water on my face and in my nose, and the humidity at that end of the park was making my head hurt. Humidity is also not my friend. At all. There was NO WAY.

And the next thing I know I was sitting on a double raft with Sam at the top of the tamest slide and being shoved into a tube. It started out alright, despite the fact that I was sure I didn't want to do this, and then we came to a turn. I think the biggest mistake was going with Sam. After 21 years of marriage, we're not the slim and trim newlyweds we once were. Our combined weight was just a bit more momentum than I was ready for. That turn swung us further up the tube walls than I expected, and I unexpectedly screamed. And then I continued screaming as we continued hitting turns because each one got progressively worse. By the time we hit the pool, we had so much momentum that we were instantly plunged under water. Not one other raft I'd seen come out of that tube dunked, so I thought it would be safe. I was so wrong. I ended up swallowing a mouth full of water because as the kids said, "Mom, you should probably have closed your mouth as you went under." If I wasn't so busy screaming, that would have been an excellent plan. Where were these people BEFORE I went in?

But now I can cross off "water slides at a water park" on my bucket list. Except I'll have to re-write my list to put it on in the first place just so I can put that bold black line through it.

Yes, I'm a wuss. But I have wonderful pictures of my kids having a great time, so there's that.

And then there's Josh, who may have broken his nose on the water slide and yet went right back in for more. That boy is a trooper. And so not his mama's boy. Thank goodness.