I Put My Foot In My Mouth, But It Was Well Clothed

Like every other woman in America, I have a pair of awesome boots that I just can't wait to wear once cooler weather sets in. It's one of the few reasons I truly look forward to winter. Yes, I'm that shallow.

One of the super fun reasons to wear boots is so that your thick wool socks can peek up out of the tops of them and dress up the whole boot wearing ensemble. The problem with this is that my thick wool socks aren't tall enough to peek up out of my boots, so when I pull them as tight as I can, making my toes nearly curl under to gain an extra fraction of an inch, and stretch some more, threatening to tear the very fibers apart, I can get enough sock to timidly peep over the tops of my boots. But then I'm constantly reaching down into my boots and tugging at those errant and too short socks to make them stretch up and out the rest of the day.

Pinterest is my BFF when it comes to things like this. Pinterest told me that I can cut off a sweater sleeve and use it as a faux sock inside my boots. I rooted through the things we had in a pile to donate to Salvation Army and found just the perfect sweater. It was gray. Gray is a nice neutral color that would coordinate with a lot of things, so I cut the sleeves off. This was a short sleeved sweater, and already had a turned-over cuff on the sleeves, so it was like it was made to be turned into boot socks. And the super genius part of this whole thing is that now I don't actually have to wear thick wool socks, because my feet tend to get hot. I can wear thin socks inside my comfy boots, and my sweater cuffs don't cover my whole calf, so even my legs aren't getting all sweaty. Which is another great thing about this invention on Pinterest! I don't have to have a half dozen pair of socks just to wear with boots. These things don't get sweaty or dirty, so I toss them into my glove bin when I'm not wearing them and there is little washing and waiting going on. One pair is all I need.

So genius.

Right up until you forget that you're wearing them and take your boots off in public. With your kids. And your kid's girlfriend. Because you're trying on another pair of boots.

"Mom, what is on your leg?"

"Oh. That's embarrassing. It's a cuff to look like a sock sticking out of my boot," I said.

I'm pretty sure I heard my son running away from me in his head. Screaming. While simultaneously shielding his girlfriend's eyes. In his head. And also wishing he'd never been born.

"They're like fake socks. Faux socks, we'll call them. Or maybe Focks," I said. I tend to get verbal diarrhea when I'm uncomfortable. The words wouldn't stop spewing.  "Or weird, mini dickies. For your legs. Yes, they're Leg Dickies." I was really onto something, and quite proud of myself for thinking of Leg Dickies.

And then I remembered that I was in public, and my kids were mortified. And it was even better. Behold, I am the inventor of Leg Dickies, the much-coveted Focks that replace thick wool socks.