Those Pesky Flying Things

It's that time of year again. The annual Invasion Of The Fruit Flies, or IOTFF. Those minuscule insects are early this year. Normally they make their presence felt in August. Overachieving little buggers, they are.

This year, not only did they show up a month early, they brought all their friends to party. Clearly, my place is the hangout. I had no idea how many party-goers were here until today. Egads, people. EGADS. You know in movies, when teens throw parties because their parents are out of town, and everyone in the state shows up whether they know the kid throwing the party or not, and someone is always hanging out an upstairs window, and every room is elbow-to-elbow with people that nobody else really knows? That is what I'm dealing with. We're elbow-to-elbow with fruit flies up in here.

 I noticed the fruit flies in the kitchen first. That's always the place they love best. It makes sense since the fruit hangs out there. I mean, it's just weird to keep your fresh fruit in your bathroom. And it always disturbs me a little at how quickly we can go from being fruit fly-less to being infested. Where is the stage where there are just two fruit flies deciding to host a party and texting friends? It's like that's not even a thing for fruit flies. I just know that one day we had no fruit flies and the next day the kitchen was swarming with them.

It's so gross.

I have tried all sorts of things in the past to eradicate those flying pests from my home. Ignoring them is the least effective method, for the record. In fact, it kind of gives them liberty to go forth and multiply like they alone are in charge of repopulating the earth in the event of a zombie apocalypse. I wouldn't suggest that method. You're welcome.

I did have success 2 years ago with a bit of dish soap in bowls of vinegar. Just set that out on the counter, go bed, and wake up to find your unwanted house guests floating belly up in their drink. (Note: this probably doesn't work for your relatives.) The few survivors left notes for their great-great-great-grandkids to avoid those bowls or die. I imagine it to look like cave writing. Probably in the dirt under the counter ledge or something. Because of that, the bowls of vinegar were much less effective last year than they were the year before. This year? Not one single fruit fly took the plunge. They swarmed around the bowls, just to mock me, but not one went swimming.

I have heard great things about a similar trap, and Pinterest kind of loves it, so I figured I'd give it a try. The same concoction in a mason jar, with a funneled piece of paper leading the tiny flies to their death. I put it on the counter, went to bed, and woke to find a lot of dead fruit flies. Not nearly enough, mind you, but it was a start. I emptied that jar, poured in the juice of a butchered watermelon, added a few chunks of banana, and a squirt of dish soap. The funnel was plugged into the top, and I stood back and watched the fruit flies trap themselves into their own death chamber. It was awesome.

After pointing out to Becky that my newest fruit fly trap was a raging success, she said that I needed one in the upstairs bathroom. The kids' bathroom, not ours. I had no idea there were fruit flies there because I don't go in there. I was told they were bad, which is weird. There is no food in the bathroom. That's gross. But I make another trap, grabbed a bottle of bleach, and headed upstairs. I set the jar on the counter, poured bleach down the drain of both sinks, and saw zero fruit flies. Becky exaggerates a lot.

At bedtime, I made Micah brush his teeth with Luke. Luke pointed out how awesome that trap was at catching fruit flies. I was a little afraid of how many flies were dead and floating in that clear mason jar. I had no idea the extent of the bathroom invasion. Becky did not exaggerate; she underestimated.

I put Micah to bed and a cloud of fruit flies emerged from the night stand between the boys' beds. OH MY GOSH. I'm sure this is the room that has that one fruit fly hanging from a window. There are about a dozen others holding onto him so he doesn't fall. Not that it would actually matter since he has wings and can fly. But the flies. MY GOSH, THE FRUIT FLIES. A third jar was set in the boys' room for the night. I am already afraid of what I'll see in that one come morning. I'm now wondering if I should put a trap in every room of the house. But the burning question will always remain. Where do these things come from?!

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