Gather Round, It's a Giveaway!

Just because it's been ever and ever so long since I've given anything away, I feel the need to donate something to someone. How fun is that? And just think, that someone could be you! And the something? Well, that is the burning question, isn't it?

I am all about giving away a shirt, but not so much right off my back. The exposed fat rolls would make you want to promptly give it back. And then vomit. I love my friends too much to subject you to that kind of love and giving. Instead I'll give you a brand new Rocking Pony creation. One of your choice to boot! There are many to choose from and I feel confident that you could find something that you'd like well enough to want. Even better, if you're the winner and have an idea in your head that you'd like to see created on a shirt I'll do that for you! But you've gotta win first.

How do you do that? Good question. Just leaving a comment is way too easy. Although I love giving things away and that in and of itself would be a wonderful thing for me to be able to do, I've gotta get some fun out of it. I mean, really, I am making a custom shirt so the least you could do is work for it a little.

Here's the deal. You tell me your most embarrasing moment in life. Ever. You know, the one you've even kept secret from your husband for these many years for fear he'd laugh (justifiably so) at you. If you have more than one Most Embarrasing Moment in Life Ever let me just say first of all that I'm sorry. And second, you can enter more than once! But it's gotta be total cheek-reddening embarrassment or it won't count. You heard me. I will delete anything that smacks of "I covered my mouth and politely burped at McDonalds once" because I'm pretty sure that kind of during-dinner noise is expected at joints like that. Their food encourages it. (And by the way, it does not keep us from eating there. In fact, as the mother of 3 boys we love that belch inducing place.) You can either tell me about it in your comment, or leave a comment linking to your blog post about it. I just need to get a good laugh at your expense. (And don't worry. I've got an embarrasing story to share myself. You'll get that later.)

Please tell your friends, your enemies, your next door neighbor with the morning breath. Post something on your blog about the giveaway if you need to. I'd love to see a huge turnout for this, and as an added bonus if I get 100 comments I'll do 2 giveaways. To two different people. See how your chances of winning are really stacking up there? Go do something embarrasing already.

**I will choose a winner on Wednesday. It will be Winner Wednesday and we'll have a great time with it. So this gives you a few days to think of something totally humiliating. Or do something in the meantime if you've never made a fool of yourself before.


Kellan said...

Hey Karen - I have to tell you - I have had few embarrassing moments in my life - I don't know why, but I can't remember any really good ones. I'm going to think about this and try to come up with something. Hope you are having a good weekend - Kellan

AnGlOpHiLe FoOtBaLl FaNaTiC said...

Worst ever? I was in 7th grade. I sat in the front row in my math class. My crush sat right behind me. I changed tampons just before class. We're taking a test, but I hear Michael V say, "Did you sit in ketchup?" Realization hits my WHOLE class. Mortification. Egads. My teacher made me finish the test sitting in my blood stained jeans. And, poor Andy, my crush, right behind me kept patting my shoulder (he had an older sister & got it!) while I cried. MISERY!

Bluepaintred said...

If my most embarrassing thing ever is VERY x rated, can I still put it in comments?

Karen said...

Bluepaintred - Um, can you temper it a bit? I'd love to hear about it, but bear in mind that it's a public blog. And I have virgin eyes. LOL

utmomof5 said...

OOOOHHH crap!! Really you are going to make me do this! You suck, but I really like your stuff so I if and when I muster up enough courage I will do it!!


Do you want it on your comments or on my blog?

Karen said...

Christina - You can leave a link on here to the post at your blog if you want. Or here. Either way.

Flea said...

Ugh. One of mine is similar to AFF's. Except I was in a sherbet orange, swiss dot dress. Humiliating. Also managed to get someone's freshly chewed gum all over the front of my jeans (stuck under a desk top).

Oh! In eighth grade, at an evening church service, new to getting my cycle, I'm in the bathroom, changing my pad. There are no doors on the stalls, so anyone can walk in. And someone did. So I just dropped it in the toilet. And flushed. And it backed up. Then the assistant pastor came in to fix the toilet and found it and just went off about what goes IN the toilet and what stays OUT of the toilet (at least that's how I remember it). I was MORTIFIED.

Melissa said...

Do I need to say more than "Pavement Panties?" I'll be happy to post the link if you'd like me too. ;)

Karen said...

Melissa - I remember those well, but if you'll post a link anyway that would allow others to read all about it. And stay tuned for Holy Public Panties coming soon. My most embarassing moment EVER.

Flea said...

I LOVED the pavement panties post, Melissa! You hooked me with that one.

Karen, I've just posted about your contest, but I think we share a lot of readers. And when I win (eventually I have to win a contest SOMEWHERE), I have a design idea in mind. Remember the Raid Flea?

Burgh Baby's Mom said...

First of all, I disqualify myself from the contest. Don't you dare argue with me about it either. ;-)

But in the interest of getting you up to over 100 comments, I'll share. When I was living in Spain, there was a guy in my class that had lived in Canada until he was six. Apparently, he spent his every waking moment learning inappropriate English words, all of which he felt he needed to share with me on a regular basis. Since it's a family blog, I won't tell you which words he liked to use most often, but he did take the time to carve them into my desk. Apparently no one realized he knew such clever English words because the head of the high school thought I did the carving and I then had to try to explain what the words meant. Good times, good times.

Burgh Baby's Mom said...

AFF tells me that you know where the Cherry Chocolate Dr. Pepper is hiding. Tell me now woman, and no one gets hurt.

(Seriously. I've been looking for it everywhere.)

Karen said...

Oh, she did not mention the cherry chocolate part. She only said Dr. P. Tell her to get the whole story out next time.

AnGlOpHiLe FoOtBaLl FaNaTiC said...

She didn't say it was cherry chocolate to me....ahem. Oh, and I only told her you said the Burgh had Dr P.

Karen said...

Listen, BBM, are you trying to start a fight? YOU've gotta spill the story if you want the goods. I didn't even know that stuff existed, and now I'll spend my free time scouring store shelves in hopes of stumbling upon it. Sounds heavenly.

Jennifer said...

Lets see, there were/are so many which one would you like to hear about?

Ok, a little background for this one. When I was married to my 1st husband, we lived in my moms basement - it was basically a 2BR apartment, but we had to share the kitchen upstairs. The set up of it was you come down stairs (it was a split foyer house) and once you passed through the door, on the left and sort of around the corner was the living room, in front of you was a closet and to the left was the 2 bedrooms, and the bathroom. Well the door coming downstairs we always shut when we are home.

Anyway, I was home from work one day and I was taking a shower, (back then I would take a shower and then I would just walk to my room naked, since it was right across the hall, and dry off and get dressed in there)... ANYWAY...
I was taking a shower, and when I got out, I heard the TV on and when I opened the door I yelled to my husband to see if it was him that turned on the tv, and he said yeah. SO I walked over to the living room to tell him something (yes naked) and as I walked around the corner (yes naked) talking to him, him and 7 of his friends looked up at me. I was so shocked I just sort of looked at everyone and couldn't move for a good 30 seconds. Then I said OH, and ran to the room and wouldn't come out. The friends left RIGHT after I made it to my room, but I still wouldn't come out of my room, I was so embarrased.

There is one for you.

Jennifer said...

Oh yeah, here is another one.

How about the time I was on my period at work, and I was the only female working up front that day, and I was walking around working my butt off, and the manager walked near me and said. EEWWW what the hell is that? I look down and somehow my pad had come unattached from my underwear and fell out of my pants leg without me ever noticing. And there is laid in all its glory on the middle of the floor.

There is another one for you.
I have more, but I don't know if I want to share anymore. I already feel like an idiot without sharing ANY of them, LOL.

Karen said...

Oh, Jennifer, you've lived some humiliating moments. I'm so sorry.

Bluepaintred said...

Ok I will try and do this as G rated as possible, but it will be hard!

First of all, my parents were pretty protective so I did not get out much during high school. I was very inexperienced when it came to boy/girl relations.

My first serious boyfriend and I had been dating for a while and the topic of ... oral pleasure.. had come up.

Since I knew absolutly NOTHING about the topic, I called a girlfriend of mine who was the complete opposite of me and asked her for some tips.

She gave me a LOT of information, and I spent a lot of time thinking about it before I was ready to put it to use.

The next time my boyfriend brought up the topic of oral pleasure, I was willing to give it a shot. I even tried all the different things my girlfriend had told me about.

The thing is, she left out one really, REALLY important part of my education.

I had NO idea that...stuff happens.. when a guy is..erm..done. I was so shocked (and so disgusted) that I threw up all over his groin.

Yea. lots of fun.

Never fear, he forgave me for my faux pas and eventually we got married!

Zoe said...

i am posting it for you on my blog in a few moments. i hope i win cause i love your etsy store...such a suck up huh?w

Flea said...

Dang it! I'm wracking my brain over here, trying to think of embarrassing things I've done, and nothing is coming to mind. So I ask the Hunny. He says I haven't done anything embarrassing. So what am I? Safe and boring? Huh?!

Jennifer, crap happens. The more I read other people's blogs, the tamer your embarrassing stories sound. You're a brave woman. That, or you really like Karen's stuff. :)

Wait! When I was in college, I slipped in the bathroom and fell, hitting the back of my head on a tile ledge. I wound up in the emergency room and got four stitches. I walked around campus for the next two days with white gauze wrapped around my head. I had shortish, thick, curly red hair, and it stuck out above and below the tight white bandage. People pointed and laughed. I was mortified.

Most of the things I've done that would be classified embarrassing, I've done on purpose.

The Sports Mama said...

Wow. These are all great. Not sure if I can even compete... :)

Here's mine. You've probably seen it before, but its still the most embarrassing thing to happen to me.

(sorry... I still can't get the hang of linking things in the comments. *sigh*)

Keri said...

What a great contest.
I picked a g-rated non-time of the month one...
When i was in 4th grade i told my mom that i hated blue jeans... why i said that i'll never know... well she went and bought me my favorite pair of pink corduroy's.. hey it was the 70's...
After showering the night before, i threw on these cords once again to go to school that day.
Halfway through the day, i noticed a 'lump' in my pants near my upper thigh... i tried to squish it, move it, and quite frankly guess what the hell it was.
Unable to go to the girls room till lunchtime, i remember sitting in class with this unknown lump...
Racing to the bathroom, ripping down my cordoroys... what do i find...
But my dirty drawers from the night before...
I was forced to sit in class for the rest of the day with a pair of dirty undies in my pocket... ewww.

Bluepaintred said...

Keri's story reminded me about something similar my son went through last summer!

Wonderful World of Weiners said...

As a 19 year old new mom, CJ and I lived at my parents house for the first year. I was able to stay home with him during that time which I adored.

One day, I had taken him up to the nursery and put him down for a nap. Then I went down to the kitchen to boil his rubber nipples (from his bottles) on the stove.

I got the pot of water full of nipples and plastic rings going on the stove top and then decided I would read for a bit. I headed upstairs quickly to grab my book and then planned to come down to read in the kitchen (while the water boiled)

Apparently, while coming back down the carpeted stairs, with my book, I slipped and fell. I must have hit my head on the way down on the wooden banister and knocked myself out.

Jump ahead to some point (I still have no idea how long I was out) to me waking up to a baby screaming and my parents house full of black smoke.

I stumbled, with a concussion (I found that out later) into the kitchen to find that they pot had boiled down to nothing and that the rubber nipples had melted and caught on fire.

I could hear CJ upstairs crying and gasping and had to get him. I couldnt see much but managed to stumble upstairs, get him, and grab the phone to call for help.

Here comes the embarrassing part.

CJ and I were rushed via ambulance to the hospital to be treated for sever smoke inhalation. My father in law was chief of surgery at the time at that hospital so John had called ahead to tell him we were on our way. (John wanted us to get the best possible care and it never hurts to have the Chief of Surgery as your FIL!)

John's dad happened to be in surgery at the time so couldnt come to the phone. It took several relayed phone messages from nurse to nurse to get the message to him that his grandson and sort-of daughter in law (we weren't married yet) were on the way to the ER.

The kicker? You know how in the game TELEPHONE messages get altered from person to person?

By the time, the message got to my father in law, it was NOT that his grandson and daughter in law were on their way to the ER cuz she burned a pot with baby nipples in it....

He ran to the ER thinking that his daughter in law had severely burned her nipples!! MY NIPPLES!! And that they were smoking so badly that both his grandson and I had suffered severe smoke inhalation!!

I still have a hard time looking at him...


Karen said...

Blue - It's a good thing you married him. I'm laughing. Sorry. And I am *truly* sorry about your son. Oh, that's bad at that age.

Hallie - The whole hospital probably knew! Oh the fun times, eh?

Burgh Baby's Mom said...

For the record, I think AFF needs to learn to LOOK AT PHOTOS. Gah!

I thought of another story I thought I would share. I had interviewed a candidate for an instructional design position that would report to me and I had a funky feeling that she would be a bad hire. The 60-something year old Jewish President of the company had sat in on the interview and thought she was perfect. So I spent some time digging through her work portfolio, trying to figure out what was bothering me. She had a website listed in her portfolio that clinched it for me. The woman had zero common sense, obviously.

So, I had to go talk to the President and establish why I would not hire someone he liked. I then spent 30 minutes trying to figure out how to explain what exactly what one would find on (don't go there, it's not pretty). He couldn't seem to get why I thought putting that in your portfolio was reason enough not to get hired, so I had to show him the site. I'm not sure which of us was more embarrassed once he caught on.

Just little ol'me said...

I love these stories. I'm gonna try and rack my brain and see if I can remember any good stories, that aren't R rated, lol

brneyedgal967 said...

Mine is one of those dreaded drunk girl stories and is rather long so bear with me.

1992: I have a 3 year old girl, my sister has a 4 year old boy. ALL 3 of my sisters were together (a rare occasion) and we went out to a club to dance and well, drink profusely. I had a babysitter at my house for the 3 and 4 year olds.

We ended up at my other sister's house who lived in the same city at the time - with some friends we met up with at the bar, playing quarters and having fun. But, kids were at my house so one of the friends drove me home because I was extremely intoxicated and volunteered to take my babysitter home, which was good because I was fully unable to. I barely remember the drive to my house. The rest of my sisters stayed at other sister's house so they could sleep in without being woken up by 3 and 4 year olds. Grrrr.

Cut to the next afternoon... probably around noonish. I wake up on my couch in my living room. The 3 and 4 year olds have emptied a box of Frosted Flakes on the floor and fed themselves. Cartoons were blaring. In horror I realized I was wearing a gym LEOTARD and leggings... back in the day those were fashionable for aerobic classes, egads. The very stylish skirt, blouse, hose and heels, along with panties and bra that I wore the night before left a trail from the front door to my bedroom. I'm assuming I started shedding as soon as I got home and crawled in bed. I have no memory of that.

The children begin telling me odd things like a neighbor was here. And a lady with her dog. And a policeman. And another policeman. What? Did you see this on TV I asked? No, they were here. I have no memory of that.

I check my answering machine and approximately 7:45 am there are two calls from ADT informing me my burglar alarm is going off. The 2nd call informed me that the police have been notified and have been dispatched to my residence. I do not remember hearing the alarm go off or the phone ring.

I knock on my neighbor's apartment door and learn the rest of the story. To my horror and shame I will share it with you because I really am a T-Shirt whore.

Apparently the 4 year old boy woke up and started crying because his mother (my sister) was not home and he freaked. He opened the front door, setting the alarm off. He proceeded to stand on the stoop of my apartment crying for his Mommy and saying he was all alone.

This got the attention of a lady walking her dog early in the morning. She came to investigate and called the police. My neighbor woke up and also came over. The first policeman arrived who was called by the alarm company. Apparently, oh my god, I was full-on butt naked in my bed. Apparently I got out of bed, completely nude and walked into the living room to meet the flock of people congregating in my living room. Someone, not sure who, found the leotard and leggings in the top drawer of my dresser (the drawer was still open, by the way) and threw them at me to put them on. Apparently, I complied. Second policeman shows up, the one called by the dog walker.

For the life of me, I do not know what I said to these people to make them leave. Somehow I must have instilled a confidence in them that the children were well taken care of and they were in good hands. I have no memory of this.

I must have then laid down on the couch and went back to sleep, leaving the children to fend for themselves.

Oh, the horror. I knew someone from child protective services would come and do a follow-up check. For 2 months I kept my house spic and span clean and stocked with food. No one ever came.

I am so ashamed and oh, so so so so embarrassed.

Manic Mom said...

Karen, sorry to be replying via your blog, but thought this would be the quickest way to answer your Q--I think if you call the 800-Give-Life # you may be able to find a blood donating center near where you live. Thanks for inquiring, and if you can't find a place to donate, maybe since you do get a lot of traffic at your site (LOTS OF COMMENTS HERE!), if you feel like posting about the contest and directing them to my original contest blog post, that would be wonderful too! Thanks for your interest! : )

Cecily R said...

I have so many I have to think about it...rather I have to think about what I'm willing to divulge. In the meantime, I'm just going to enjoy reading your comments.

By the way, the kids and I are still working on the Flat Stanley project. Hopefully I'll have it sent in the next few days.

brneyedgal967 said...

As a freshman in high school I so, so wanted to be a cheerleader. Several of my friends were cheerleaders and encouraged me to try out. They knew I was gawky, uncoordinated and a clutz, but apparently my enthusiasm would make up for it. Right?

For weeks we practiced a cheer and a dance routine. I can't hear Kool & the Gang's Celebration without thinking of those days in the high school gymnasium.

The day of the try-outs, we were lined up in groups of five. Before we were to enter the gym and stand before the judges to do our cheer, we were instructed to RUN in and do some type of ATHLETIC FEAT. A cartwheel, a herkes jump. I can't do a cartwheel or a herkes jump, for the life of me. I told the teacher that I couldn't do either. She said I better come up with something. So I did.

I was 2nd in a line-up of 5 girls. The girl ahead of me ran and did cartwheels and backflips on the way in. Show off. We were spaced out by 3 counts, before the next one entered. With my heart beating in my ears, waves of nausea and sweaty palms, I entered on the 3rd count, running and cheering and for my amazing athletic feat, I stopped and did a somersault. Yes, a rolly little somersault.

The girl behind me didn't know I was doing a somersault and at that time I had a severe deficit in thinking ahead to what the consequences of my actions might be. Okay, I still have a severe deficit in that.

This poor girl came running in, beaming at the judges which is where we were told to be looking. She sure wasn't looking at my squatty body finishing my amazing athletic feat at a snail's pace on the floor. She did a carthweel or something involving flipping and landed right on top of me. She chipped a tooth. Her mouth was bleeding. The other girls were laughing their hineys off, the hurt girl was PISSED at me... I mean PISSED. I honestly didn't do it with the intention of hurting someone.

The judges were pissed too, thinking I was making a mockery of the try-outs. I was so misunderstood. Needless to say, I was never a cheerleader.

Oh, there's more where that come from, sure you're up for them?

brneyedgal967 said...

During a pep assembly, a group of us were performing a skit to the tune of "Ghostbusters"

We were dressed in white with football helmets adorned with tin foil on our heads, and packing canister vacuum cleaners on our backs, holding the hoses and sweeping while we sang revised lyrics to that song.

Something like:

If there's something lame
on your football field
Who ya gonna call?

We ain't afraid of no broncs
We ain't afraid of no broncs

You get the idea... except lyrics were changed for the whole song. Like 2 and a half minutes of it.

A girl named Teresa and a guy named Chris had microphones and were doing the singing, the rest of us were chorus back-up singers while we swept for broncs.

Did I mention I am a clutz?

As I'm sweeping along, I tripped over the electric cord to the jam box with the instrumental only of Ghostbusters they were singing to. A moment of SILENCE, but Chris and Teresa kept singing, eyes big and darting around wondering what the hell just happened.

I quickly recovered though and plugged it back in. Which resulted in the words they were singing were now about 4 measures behind to the music that was playing.

They were off. It was hideous. One of them tried to recover, the other couldn't. Teresa threw down the microphone and ran out of the gym crying.

Again, I am a total ass and it was all my fault. They were all pissed at me. Except for Chris who is was a class clown and thought it was hysterical. I was so embarassed.

Okay, I should stop now. Really.

brneyedgal967 said...

In Orchesta, I played a viola. I sat next to a girl named Jeanine. I commented to Jeanine that wouldn't it be funny if our faces were shaped like a viola?

To demonstrate I separated the strings on my viola, close to the bridge and very carefully inserted my nose. It slipped. So I had to work at it for quite a while to edge my nose into the strings deep enough for the viola to stay on my face without me holding it.

It was quite painful, but I knew no pain when it came to getting a laugh. Mrs. Cunningham came into the room and instructed me to take that instrument off my face NOW. I couldn't.

No, I mean I really couldn't. Jeanine tried. I cried. It hurt so bad. Mrs. Cunningham tried and so did a number of other students. My nose was wedged in there so tight.

Mrs. Cunningham led me to the principal's office (my home away from home, as I called it) and good ol' Bennie Frantz laughed his butt off. That didn't help. With some shoe polish, yes, shoe polish he had he waxed the strings around my nose and finally, after much tears and struggle the viola came off.

Mrs. Cunningham made me return to class WITH the black shoe polish still on my nose and cheeks. The whore. I was so embarrassed and humiliated.

I don't get embarrassed at things anymore, by the way. It is like second nature now, a second skin. I have come to embrace it. It is a way of life for me. Honestly.

Enough now? Cause I'm telling you there's more.

Melissa said...

Here's my link

brneyedgal967 said...

Let me start this one by giving you some background. I am not a football fan. I live in Oklahoma where OU football reigns supreme.

Coincidentally, about 5 years ago when I was single I met a man online who happened to be one of the defensive coaches for OU. Right off the get-go I informed him that he couldn't woo me with OU tickets or box club seats or anything like that because I could give a rats-ass about football. Although I did concede that Bill Stoops (the coach), seemed to be doing a great job. By the way, this was not long after their national title wins. Back when they were still halfway decent. My mention of Bill Stoops seemed to humor him. So did my complete disregard for his profession. He said he was tired of groupies and people wanting to get tickets or perks from him. So we began dating.

I never went to an OU football game. Occasionally I would have the game on while I was doing something else just so I could scan the sidelines and see my "coach" on TV and beam.

Towards the beginning of the season we went to a BBQ cookout at Brent Venables house. At the time I didn't know who he was. I still can't tell you what coach he is, assistant maybe? Anyway, a big cookout. Lavish house, large pool, easily 60 people there - all wearing crimson and cream. Gag.

But I played nice, humoring people with my anecdotes and mingling with the best of them - oblivious of who all these important people were.

Coach took me by the arm and escorted me to meet Bill Stoops.

"Bill, this is Tammy - the gal I was telling you about."

He must've told him something pretty funny because Bill just started laughing. Shook my hand, he had great eyes and a commanding presence, I must say.

"So this is Tammy. I've been wanting to meet you."

"Thanks, Bill. Nice to meet you too." I felt a little goofy and awkward. What else was new.

"Most people call me Bob, but I'll let you call me Bob."


Bob Stoops. Shit. Bob, you idiot - not Bill!! Oh my bejeezus I felt like a number one jackass at that point.

They laughed. Ha ha, yeah. Jokes on me. Let's go now.

Coach said he knew I wasn't a groupie when I referred to him as Bill Stoops when we first met. Yeah, ya think? Duhrrr.

Lizzy in the Burbs said...


It's been such fun reading all these stories, what great stuff! My story is not nearly as funny, but I'll share none the less. A co-worker of mine, a very nice woman, had a large swimming pool in her backyard and had asked me and another female co-worker if we'd like to come over for a swim, it was a really hot summer day. I had just purchased a new bikini (back then I had the figure to wear one) a white Cole of California bikini, I still remember. Anyway, we went over to her house, and when we got there her teenage son and a couple of his friends were already in the pool. She asked us if we minded, to which we said, of course not, it's your pool, afterall. We jumped in and splashed around for a bit, and then I noticed that the boys were looking at me and kind of giggling to themselves. My friend came over to me and whispered in my ear, "your bathing suit is completely see-through in the water". I quickly got out of the pool and wrapped a towel around myself and excused myself to her bathroom. One look in her bathroom mirror said it all! My bathing suit was kind of opaque looking, and you could clearly see my nipples and pubic hair. I could have died. God only knows what she must have thought of me wearing such a thing to her home! Ack! I still cringe when I think about it!


brneyedgal967 said...

Oh my, it's as if a floodgate has been opened. Another jewel.

Age 14, my first time water skiing at the lake with the family. Dad got a new boat, a group of friends also there. Namely the cute 16 year old son of my parents' friends. I mean, cute.

I had watched other fledglings attempt and fall getting up on the water ski. I was really afraid to try, because I'm such a klutz (oops, I misspelled that earlier) and really didn't want to make an ass of myself in front of the cute boy. But we had been talking about skiing all the way up there and I had sealed my fate bragging about how I was going to rock it. Before I knew cute boy was going to be there.

So I'm in the water, with the life vest strapped tight. I'm sure I looked as cute as a bug with my tan skin, long brown hair in a pony tail and the multi-colored striped bikini. I had to. Afterall, he was watching me and I had to look cute.

Knees bent and steady, hands forward holding the handle of the ski rope, leaning back as I should with the ski's pointed straight up, toes firm. I gave the thumbs up sign.

And I'm UP!! I'm up!! First try, by God and I'm up. Thighs burning, steady the back, lean back not forward. Another boat speeds past, not far in front of my Dad's boat. What are those? Wake bumps? A surf? I tightened up my legs, braced for going over the wake of the other boat... uh oh... little unsteady, I leaned forward on the next one. Too forward. Uh oh. Gotta get my legs in front. Try harder. They're in front now, but not steady. Crap. Going down. Yep, definitely going down. Mayday. Mayday. I repeat.

A funny thing happens when you hit the water doing, oh I don't know, 30 mph. It acts as a 40 gallon douche. I seriously think I lost my virginity that afternoon. I definitely lost my bikini bottom.

Oh the pain!! The pain!! I had been violated by dirty lake water no less and it HURT like an SOB!! I cried. Horrible gasping cries with lake water and snot coming out of my nose. My dad circled around and gently helped me back into the boat. That's when the missing bikini was discovered to everyone's amusement and my own horror. Mom was quick with a towel thank goodness.

I could have died. Just died. Who's cute now? I sure wasn't.

jessica said...

I found your blog through Zoe's. I love reading it. I have one to share, not quite as outrageous as some but very embarrassing (and frustrating!) in its own right.


Pam said...

I have 3 to share! First- I was in high school and we were having a talent contest. I am not so much talented as I am up for a good time. A friend and I were twirling a baton and dancing. During a spin- my shoe flew off. It didn't just plop across the stage- it flew right out into the audience - and hit someone. I gave up twirling and people stayed away from my shoes for a while!

Pam said...

Number 2- (I really want to win!) I forgot to lock the bathroom door at work. I was sitting there - pants and undies down. Oh no- this couldn't be the time that no one else tries to use the bathroom. In true teacher fashion- another teacher was talking to a group of teachers in the hall on her way to the bathroom. Still having conversation- opens bathroom door to find me in all my pants down glory. I now double check the lock on the bathroom door!

Pam said...

Try Number 3- one time Ashlyn was telling me that she wasn't feeling well. But Gary and I wanted to go out to eat. So we all went and we figured she was just coming down with a cold. While we were out to eat- she threw up. I used a plate to catch it so it wouldn't go everywhere. I was embarrassed because they didn't seem too happy to have use with child in toe in their restaurant to begin with. What I am ashamed to say- we didn't tell them. We just gathered out things and left. I feel badly for whoever had to clean that table!

dlyn said...

Flea recommended coming over and boy am I glad I listened to her. I am dying!

I even have one to share:
For a short time early in our marriage, we stayed with my in-laws while we were moving from one place to another. We stayed in my husband's old bedroom, and of course there is nothing like getting to do the deed in your old bedroom for a turn on [for a guy I mean], so we kept pretty busy after lights out. My mother in law worked 2nd shift, so she got home around midnight or so and while she was in the bathroom, getting ready for bed, she "heard a noise" in our room.
*Now seriously, if your son and his wife of around a year or so were staying at your house, and you "heard a noise" in their room, what would you do? C'mon - would you really go in there to see what it was? Would you?*
Well my mother in law would. Add to this that we were not exactly in positions that are endorsed by Baptist mothers in law. It was both horrifying and hilarious. We have certainly never forgotten it and I am willing to bet that she never has either.

Andrea said...

Okay I just don't know which one to choose. I have so many!! So here goes......

I went to college to ride horses. It is my degree. Everyday we would go to the barn and have our riding clinics. Well, I had switched from english to western riding. I was new to the whole horn on the saddle thing. So, at the end of my riding time I rode my horse to the middle of the huge arena filled with other cowboys and cowgirls on their horses (about 35 of them), and I preseaded to dismount. As I did so my t-shirt got stuck on the horn of the saddle and up it went and down I went. My feet hit the ground and my shrit was up above my head and everyone could see my bra and ya know! I was stuck and had to get an instructor to help me. I was so embarassed. I am not the type of girl to go around showing off my stuff. From then on I tucked my shrit in when I rode.

Well, that was just one of them.

Leanne said...

Wednesday! I only have until Wednesday! And I got uh, nothing. Sigh. I'll post about this for you though.

caramama said...

I just can't do it. I feel like I should be over it, and it's not that bad compared to some other stories, but I can't seem to post it. I will get up my courage and try again later!!! :-)

Cecily R said...

I officially remove myself from the running. I can't compete. Although I live a life of embarrassing moments they PALE compared to some of these.

Karen, you are a freaking GENIOUS to come up with this contest...

Tootsie Farklepants said...

I thought my life was a series of I Love Lucy episodes, but I got nothin' on your readers! I'm laughing my butt off! I can't compete with this league. And for goodness sake give brneyedgal967 something right now! She's suffered enough.

Well, here's mine although I'm feeling very inadequate about it now. LOL! When I was about 15, my boyfriends family was visiting from out of town. It was the first time I'd met them and there were A LOT of them. Cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents... My boyfriends little sister had a pet goose. His name was Benny. And if you hollered his name he would HONK really loud. It was dark and for some reason (to this day I don't remember why I was out there) I was outside on the side of the house kinda towards the back and someone yelled "Benny" and he honked. Except he was right next to me! And scared me to death (also I was scared because he was a mean SOB) and I took off running for the house and ran smack into the sliding glass door. With his entire family sitting on the other side of it. I bounced off and landed flat on my back. I also left a perfect print of my face on the glass. The adults were horrified and came to my rescue. His cousins were too busy laughing. And I was too busy dying and praying the ground would swallow me whole.

The end.

Flea said...

I'm crying I'm laughing so hard!!! Karen, I'm so glad you did this, though I'm sure you're mortified. I will never, EVER have a contest like this ! (Famous last words?) Too too funny.

Jennifer said...

There is a coupon for a free Diet Dr. P - chocolate cherry flavor - in this weeks US magazine - you know the tabloid one.

So go get the magaszine so you can get a free soda - if/when you find it on your shelf.

Jennifer said...

Heres another one - thi sone isnt so much an embarrasing moment, and more like a full night of embarrasement. In general I was a good girl growing up. Well the summer I graduated, I started to drink. I moved in with a friend, and we drank the summer away. Seriously. I worked 80 hours a week, then came home each night and we drank and partied. Every single night. It was tons of fun, I have tons of stories - not embarrasing ones per say, more like funny ones. But the last time I drank - really drank - was in October 1994. A friend of mines older brother was having a birthday party, and we were invited, and not ones to miss free alcohol, we showed up. Now my friend and his brothers were big guys. Not one of them were shorter than 6'6", and I KNOW the smallest of them weighed like 250ish. Well I was a big girl back then (well I still am a big girl) and after a summer of drinking, I could drink alot before I got drunk. Well most of everyone there was these huge guys, and I decided that I was going to show them how I could hang with them. They were drinking vodka mixed drinks (with coke maybe - I cna't remember) So showing off, I said watch this, I took the bottle of vodka and proceeded to drink over half of the bottle straight. And guess what, it didn't bother me at all. I got up, went into the bedroom to change the CD, came back out into the living room, fell down. I got up, and fell back down again. Thats the last thing I remember until I woke up. I woke up the next morning laying on the couch, and my hands were over my head. For some reason I patted my head, then my shirt and said, why is my shirt wet, then as I was patting myself down I realized my pants were undone and I freaked out, tried to sit up and I said to my friend - S- why are my pants undone? She told me I was fine, not to worry about it and she would tell me when we got home.

Well I got up - still drunk if you must know - had mud down the entire left side of my body, I am sure I smelled wonderful - you know the liquor seeping out of your pores is a wonderful perfume smell (NOT). My left ring finger fingernail was ripped off entirely. My left arm was numb as well.

So after we got in the car, I was adamant that I needed orange juice. So I talked S-into taking me to the grocery store where I went in to get my orange juice. It was on sale for 2 for $5, and when it rang up, it rang up $2.50. I started to argue that it should be $1.50, since it was onsale for 2/$5. Yeah my math skills werent the best while drunk. I argued for a good 5 minutes before S came over and made me shut up and walk away while she paid for my food.

We then went home and she told me the story of what happened. (can I say thank God for friends who take care of you when you are drunk. She was repaying me for the MANY times that summer she was to drunk to remember anything)

It seems after I fell the second time, I knocked over some beer that was on a table near me. The beer was cascading down the table onto my head, and over my shirt (why the shirt was wet). I sat there and was lapping up the beer as it was falling down my face, and was commenting on how this was the best way to drink beer. (I don't like beer, and never had. I guess drunk I love it?) Having dated one of the brothers before, I was very friendly to him that night, following him around just talking to him, and hugging all over him telling him how much I loved him. (um, when we dated all we did was go to the movies, we never even kissed, so it wasn't like we broke up after being in love, if that makes sense). At one point I was in the back yard laying in the mud with their big dog Boo. S said that I was out there talking to Boo for about 3 hours before I came in because I had to pee. So I went into the bathroom, but I had a hard time getting my pants down and S helped me with that too. I was on my period though - at the end of it thank god, or this story would have had a different embarrasing story added to it - and I had a tampon in. I begged S to change my tampon for me, and I cried because she wouldn't. (thank God she didn't, LOL). At one point I was in the bathroom, and A - a friend of mine and my ex boyfriend had walked by the bathroom - and I opened the door and asked him to change my tampon. Poor A. He was a virgin, and had never even seen any body parts, and there I am asking him for help. I think he was tramatized for life, LOL. He was so embarrased. Finally I just figured to hell with it, and got off the toilet. That explains why my pants were undone. I was to drunk to get them closed, and I was mad a S for not helping me with my tampon, so I wouldn't let her help me with my pants. I went around holding them up all night.

At some point I had thrown up - dont remember that either. A couple of days later, the mother of my friends talked to me and she told me she was so worried, she was debating on calling 911 on me, she thought maybe I had alcohol poisoning. Yes I did all of this in front of my friends mom as well. I was so embarrased.

I will say though, this was the first AND LAST time that I drank so much that I didn't remember what happened. After this day in October 94, the next time I had anything to drink was October 20, 2001. 7 years later.

Jennifer said...

When I was younger my brothers, sweet things that they are, came up with the nickname of BEEF for me. And I went to the pool one day - we lived in apartments - and my one brother was there, and when I got up on the diving board he wanted to show off in front of his friends. So he started yelling BEEF. WHERES THE BEEF. And all of his friends did too. For the rest of the summer all the neighborhood kids would yell WHERES THE BEEF to me everytime I went to the pool. (all because I was fat when I was little too.) I didn't want to go to the pool that summer.

Jennifer said...

Oh yeah, I just remembered one. I was in 10th grade, and in choir. Well that year we went to VA beach for a choir competition (the only reason why I was in choir all 4 years of HS). Our form of travel on that trip were those big greyhound type busses. After trip out somewhere, I dont even remember where, we were stopped in traffic, and a guy in the car next to us was looking at all of us, and my one friend C and I thought it would be funny to flash him. So we did. We didn't show much of anything. Just a bra, but while we were flashing him, the bus started to move forward, so he was watching us, and stepped on the gas too. Well the cars in his lane weren't moving and he rear ended the car in front of him. The police were called and C and I had to give a statement as to how we were involved. In front of the choir director - who was a really cute guy that we all had a major crush on, LOL. Ugh, we both were so embarrased. Then we had to tell our parents when we got back from the trip as well.


Jennifer said...

On the same trip, (before the above incident) when we arrived at VA beach, and got our hotel rooms we thought a friends room was next to ours. But our room was actually next to the band and choir teachers room. The hotel rooms had one of those double connecting doors on it, so being funny we stuck a tampon - in its applicator - under the connecting door, then shut and locked the connecting door. Imagine the suprise, when we shut our sife of the door, it pushed the tampon out of the applicator into their room. We found this out when the band and choir teachers knocked on our door holding up the tampon asking us if we lost something.


Reiza said...

If I posted this one, you have got to know I really like your stuff.

That's one of those things that I look back on and want to laugh and cry, but mainly cry.

Deb in OPKS said...

I'll be back tomorrow to read all these posts, but I wanted to place my entry. I'm guessing someone can top me, but it's pretty embarrassing to me:

I was pregnant with my first. You know when you get pregnant people let you cross the street, hold the door for you, etc. You kind of start to expect this. I was pretty pregnant, no mistaking it. I was leaving work and had to cross this busy street to get to the parking lot. Often people would cross to the middle and then wait for traffic to clear to finish crossing. There was a light at the intersection and it had just turned, but I figured I could make it to the halfway point, even in my condition. So the this guy in a truck starts honking at me. I'm thinking, how rude, it's not like I was that slow. I ignored him, but the guy keeps honking so I turn around and give him the finger and if I remember correctly I mouthed the words, too. I know, not one of my prouder moments, but I was younger then. It was at that time that I realize it is my best friend's father. Now we like to razz each other and if it was just him, I might have been a little relieved, but no, her mom was in the car, too. And to top it all off, they were on their way to church for Ash Wednesday! I could have died. I still get embarrassed thinking about it.

Bluepaintred said...

ohmigosh. I just remembered another one!

When we got married, we accepted my in laws offer of their basement suite as a place to live. With a baby on the way, and not having to pay rent, it was the smart thing to do!

One of the BEST benefits of our arrangement was that it did not matter how late I was up with the baby becuase my mother and father in law had a baby monitor on their kitchen counter upstairs and would go and get the baby in the morning when he woke up. (I got to sleep in EVERY morning!)

Christmas morning, me and hubs woke up and didn't hear anything upstairs, nor did we hear the baby stirring so we got all romantical.

What we did not know is that everyone - hubs has five sisters, they were all over, as well as their husbands.. and their kids were sitting in the kitchen trying to be Veryquiet so they did not wake the baby.

They had the baby monitor ON, waiting for the baby to wake up so they could go get him.

We are pretty vocal when we aren't sleeping in bed.

They heard EVERYTHING. I still cringe thinking about it!

Tootsie Farklepants said...

OMG! I hope that they turned that monitor off when they realized it wasn't "The Weekly Top 40" that was coming out of that little box!

Bluepaintred said...

nope. The did not. They DID send the kids to the TV room for cartoons, but the adults all stayed, drinking their coffee and listening.


Deb in OPKS said...

Gross! I have NO desire to hear my siblings (or children when they are grown) not sleeping. I'd have turned off the monitor.

Karen said...

Blue, your family has a sick sense of humor. I am shuddering just thinking of that.

Burgh Baby's Mom said...

Blue has my vote, hands down. I would never show my face in the light of day EVER AGAIN.

Anonymous said...

Those have all just made my morning! I am going to rack my brain, but I seriously don't think I have anything that even comes close to compeating with half of these stories. I am with Cecily - what a GREAT idea!

Becoming Mommy said...

Actually, I have a few. My most recent is:

Becoming Mommy said...

The other was in Middle School. We were at the summer pool party on base and I was wearing my brand new, white bikini.
At the time, I did not understand the delicate nature of white swimwear.
But that didn't matter much, because as I ran to make my first dive into the pool, my friend Dawn's little brother (who's name escapes me) held onto the ties of my top. Causing me to jump into the pool without it.
When I came out, I was so appalled at being naked up top, that I failed to notice that my bottoms had become transparent.
Until it was pointed out to me by every kid on base....

Shellie said...

I just want to say these are so freakin' funny I totally forgot all my embarrassing moments. Thank you!

caramama said...

Okay, I'll post mine. It's not funny at all, though, I warn you. It was just mean and sad. Maybe a little funny, only cause what did I know...

So in 4th grade, I had no sense of style. None. I just knew that I liked certain things and would wear all my favorite things together with no regard for matching. I have a picture of me somewhere in which I'm wearing splatter-paint balloon pants (it was the 80s) in primary colors, a leopard print sweatshirt, a floresent pink belt, and a pastel pink satin jacket. (That was the funny part.) I mean seriously, these things did not go together. But I didn't understand that. I just knew I liked them.

Well, at lunch one day I was sitting in the cafeteria with my friends, and some 5th graders (the big kids of the school) were sitting at the next table. And they started making fun of my clothes. And then... they called me... "tacky turtle." I was mortified. Seriously, it was mean and they taunted me! Taunted me with it! And continued to call me that when they'd see me for the rest of the year. It was so embarrassing that I still cringe and want to cry when I think of it.

The next year, I pretty much started wearing almost all black, because I wanted my clothes to just disappear. In middle school, I begged my mom for a subscription to Vogue, which I got. For years, I obsessed over Vogue and other fashion mags every month. I ended up developing my own style that worked for me and actually became quite confidant in my style. But it was a hard road for me to get through.

I still love leopard print, but now I know how to wear it. And I refrain from buying some things that I secretly love but know are too tacky or crass to wear.

Okay, that was kind of cathartic. But not that funny. I told you.

caramama said...

You know, other than that childhood trauma like that, I don't really embarrass. Or I've been very very lucky! Or I've blocked it all out completely. Probably the latter.

caramama said...

Oh, you know what should have embarrased me but didn't? When I was over 41 weeks pregnant, hubby and I went to the movies with friends. The guys went to see the 300, while the ladies went to see Music and Lyrics. I was sitting on the edge seat so I could use the bathroom if I needed (being so pregnant). And right at the climax of the movie, I feel something funny in my pants. I get up and hurry to the bathroom, without saying anything to my friends.

Yes indeed, my water had broken in the movie theatre. I was so grateful to be finally going into labor, that I wasn't embarrased at all. Well, maybe a little when I couldn't figure out how to get out of the stall when water kept gushing from me and I had nothing but that crappy thin toilet paper to stuff in my pants.

There is more to the story, but I'm going to save it for my blog on the anniversary. :-)

Colleen said...

I am STILL laughing at Tootsie's story, although I laugh at that Ford Synch commercial every time that girl smacks into the glass door.
I cannot think of anything that is even remotely funny or embarassing like these stories! I live a very boring life!
The only thing I might have is that I can get mildly obnoxious when I drink...not mean or anything, but well, okay. I will just go for it.
In college, after being out and drinking (too much), I went over to my ex-boyfriend's place. He lived in his frat house. I stomped down the stairs to his room at 4am-ish and banged on the door for an, um, unsolicited booty-call. When he didn't answer, I started banging harder on his door and hollarin' stuff like, "open up! are you hidin' that b**** in there?" and stuff like that...soon it turned into kicking and whining and "why don't you love me?" blubbering and crying. Finally one of the guys chased me out of the house. Turns out my ex wasn't there (he was, however, at the house of the girl he cheated on me with, so I didn't feel quite as embarassed). I did have to sit in class with one of his cute frat brothers the rest of hte semester, though. I never made eye contact with that guy again (he was there when I was pitching my fit).

Otherwise, the only other thing I've got is when I was still pumping at work (and wasn't used to non-maternity pants yet) and walked around for several hours with deoderant stripes on my black top and my two-button and zip pants only fastened with one button, and my shirt up just enough for folks to get a peek of my rippled post-baby belly. But no one said anything and I didn't notice until I went to the bathroom.

OHmommy said...

Ok... just spent WAY to long reading these. LOL. What a funny group of people!

Michelle said...

Oh if I'm lucky enough to win I'm thinking of some kind of "I'm the big sister" shirt for Kayla LOL :)

This story is probably one of those "you had to be there" type of stories to realize how funny it was, but it is one of my most embarassing moments!

I was in 8th grade, living in MA, and it was winter time - which means a lot of snow.

My best friend and I were walking back from the BX to housing in snow that was probably past our ankles. We had just seen 2 boys from school (that we each liked of course) when she tripped and fell in the snow almost face first. She got up and just had snow all over her face and covering her glasses and it was so funny I just started laughing so hard. Laughing so hard I started to pee my pants! I couldn't believe I was losing control of my bladder and the 2 boys were still there looking at us like we were crazy or something...which made it all the worse! I did the only thing I could do - pretended to "fall" myself, which I'm sure didn't look graceful at all, but I "fell" into the snow so the wetness of the snow would give me an excuse to the wetness of my pants! Our pants were frozen to our legs (just about!) by the time we got home. I was so embarassed!

nutmeg96 said...

I blogged about mine last year. Picture it: Drama Camp, junior high, a dance involving "cat hands" and not enough practice. :)

Mayberry Magpie said...

dyln -- at least you were in bed when your mother caught you.

Me and my husband? In the shower!

How could this happen, you ask?

How about because when we moved into our former home, the Very Brady house, I hated all the 70's paneling and doors and asked my husband to paint it all white. His solution was to remove every single interior door and take them to an automotive paint shop to be sprayed . . . where they stayed for one year. So after a year with no interior doors, let's just say you forget. You let down your guard. And one morning, my mother, who was our nanny and came to our house every morning to care for our children, walked in the bathroom while we were performing circus stunts in the shower stall.

She was so . . . flustered . . . that when she made breakfast for us (as she always did), she put hazlenut creamer in the scrambled eggs instead of milk. Which we, of course, noticed on the first bite. And when my husband asked what could she have possibly put in the eggs, and she couldn't explain, but then after much tasting we figured out it was HAZLENUT CREAMER instead of milk -- well, you can imagine our collective horror when my mother said "I was distracted."

We never spoke of that day again.

brneyedgal967 said...

Oh my gosh, hilarious stuff people. I've never been caught in the act amazingly enough. I can't even imagine the horror of being caught like that.

Thanks for the laugh tonight - it's been a rough couple of days in our little spot on the planet and I desperately needed a good belly laugh. Ahhhh... feels good.

Thanks again.

Burgh Baby's Mom said...

So close to 100! Hmmm . . . I'm sure I can think of another embarrassing moment . . . let's see . . .

Let's go with one from the category "Oh No He Didn't." At my wedding, my dear father was speaking to a woman that I did consulting work for at the time. She was gushing about how much she adored me, how great of a worker I am, and how smart I am. My father retorted, "Yeah, she really knows how to manipulate people."

Horrifying, and yet, embarassing.

AnGlOpHiLe FoOtBaLl FaNaTiC said...

Apparently I need to add more stories? How about the time my BFF decided to pull out the shock value and give me strawberry pleasure gel for my 16th birthday? I was mortified (and thank God mom is funny!) as I'm the naive one in our group. So, I stuck it in my purse & forgot about it. I ended up finding it at a basketball game a few weeks later. So, my BFF & I decided to see what it was like in the bathroom at half time. We didn't realize this stuff warmed up on contact. OH MY! It ended up burning our skin and giving us hives all over our hands and arms. OUCH!

caramama said...

Is it wrong to be enjoying people's embarrasing moments so much?

AnGlOpHiLe FoOtBaLl FaNaTiC said...

Or how about the time when Pup & I were newly dating & I needed to poo. But, ended up constipated. I could NOT go. For like 2 hours I kept running back and forth to the BR. I ended telling Pup something about my dad wanting him to go home or something like that...then confessing the truth (I always confess) to him later. He thought my dad hated him for like years.

AnGlOpHiLe FoOtBaLl FaNaTiC said...

Or how about the time when Pup & I were newly dating & I needed to poo. But, ended up constipated. I could NOT go. For like 2 hours I kept running back and forth to the BR. I ended telling Pup something about my dad wanting him to go home or something like that...then confessing the truth (I always confess) to him later. He thought my dad hated him for like years.

AnGlOpHiLe FoOtBaLl FaNaTiC said...

Or how about the time I got "really popular" for wearing a white shirt & bra to a football game...where it starting raining buckets? Being the nipple queen? Got me a few homecoming queen votes.

AnGlOpHiLe FoOtBaLl FaNaTiC said...

Or the time Puppy & I were big time making out (we were in high school) and there were "noises" involved. My parents were in the other room having their prayer group get together. My mother's most chaste perfect friend walked in on us. I still blush at that one. I have a hard time facing her to this day.

AnGlOpHiLe FoOtBaLl FaNaTiC said...

Or the time I got a bladder infection in 2nd grade and peed all over the library floor. My mother allowed me to come home & change clothes...then forced me to go back to school to hear the jeering.

AnGlOpHiLe FoOtBaLl FaNaTiC said...

Or the time my father came into my room and told me I needed to wrap my female "napkins" better as a nasty one got stuck to his hand while cleaning out the trash...I couldn't do anything but laugh.

AnGlOpHiLe FoOtBaLl FaNaTiC said...

Okay. In a work environment? I was famous for stupid clutzy antics (as per the norm!) at the office. How fun was it the time I had to call the Mr. Fix-it to say, "Ummm..I dropped a confidential file down the elevator shaft." And, me on my hands and knees in a skirt looking down the slit in the floor with a senior partner gazing at my tooshy? Oh, mortification.

AnGlOpHiLe FoOtBaLl FaNaTiC said...

This is in my 100 things post, but I'll share it here anyway. We went on a cruise for our honeymoon. I got seasick. My husband spent the whole time watching me puke and have violent diarrhea (handing me tp) while he got to watch the Lindsay Lohan version of The Parent Trap over & over again.

Burgh Baby's Mom said...

The reason I have read no blogs today? I'm too busy giggling at all of these stories.

Karen said...

AFF - I think being caught making out by the prayer group holier-than-thou ranks up there with your family listening to it on the baby monitor.

And dragging tp from your crotch will make me laugh for days. Oh the horrors women endure thanks to that darned Aunt Flo.

AnGlOpHiLe FoOtBaLl FaNaTiC said...

Thanks. I try. TP from my crotch? That wasn't mine. But, I totally would've done something like that.

Here's another one. I was about 8 or 9 and we went mini-golfing. It had recently rained, so I hit my ball, and walked over the "water trap" hole thing and slipped. I landed inside the pool of water. Several people saw it and didn't know how to act. So, I started laughing. And, then the whole place erupted into laughter. I had slimy dirty water all over me. Clutz? Thy name is AFF

Karen said...

Madame Queen contributed this:

I'm sooo behind on my blog reading that I haven't read any of the other embarrassing stories. I want a RP shirt so bad but I can't think of a single embarrassing story worth telling.

A pair of my panties once static clinged themselves to the outside of my duffel bag at camp, but I saw them and removed them before too many other people did!

Karen said...

No that was Colleen dragging tp. My bad.

Karen said...

The Mom Bomb contributed this:

My most embarrassing moments have always involved gas. I'm full of it. Once in college, we were in an exam room and it was dead quiet. I was nervous and not in a good place, let's say, intestinally speaking. So I farted, and everyone heard it, and everyone started laughing under their breath, and I just wanted to die.

Karen said...

Colleen said...

oh, and I know my embarassing stories are pretty lame, but here's one more that I remembered:
When I was about 12, I was at a mini-golf place with my dad, 1st stepmom (don't ask), younger brother and younger stepsister. I went to the washroom because I thought I was starting to get my period. Thankfully I wasn't at that moment, but since I didn't have any pantiliners to kind of protect myself in case things developed before I got home, I just folded up a long length of tp and tucked it in my undies, just in case.
well, several mini-golf holes later, I hear my dad sort of mumble, "um, Colleen, you seem to be, uh, losing something." And sure enough, in front of my whole family, and the people waiting behind us, I had that nice bit of tp starting to fall out of my undies and unfolded itself out the leg of my shorts, but still had one end tucked up there, so I had tp trailing from my crotch, out of my shorts, and on the ground.
Thankfully, no blood involved, but still, mortifying enough for a girl of that age.

Burgh Baby's Mom said...

Look at you with your fancy 90+ comments. Go, Karen!

caramama said...

But who wins??? When oh when will you announce? And are we close enough to 100 to inspire you to do two giveaways??

Jennifer said...

I will try to bump you to 100 comments, LOL.

I have been checking back in every so often to make myself feel much much better about not being the only one with horribly embarrasing stories to tell.

Jennifer said...

I can comiserate with those who had family listen in while NOT sleeping, LOL.

When I lived in my moms basement, my older brothers room was right above mine, and at dinner one night he told me - in front of the entire family, and guests - that he didn't appreciate hearing all of my sounds, LOL.

But from then on, anytime I knew he was home, I would stand on the bed an put my mouth right next to the vent and make all sorts of noises, just to make him mad, LOL.

Jennifer said...

This one ALWAYS makes me laugh. Anyone who has had a child will understand this.

Andre was my first child, and 12 years ago, when they gave you the epidural, man you couldn't feel anything for HOURS. Well back then at my hospital, they didn't have single rooms, you always had to share with someone else, and they tell you if you have to go to the bathroom or take a shower etc. etc. then you need to take the baby with you. Dont ever leave the baby alone.

Well this was like 6 or so hours after I had Andre, and I had to pee so bad. So I got up, and pushed him in his basinet into the bathroom with me. Well because it was right after I had him, I was still having the umm... gushing that comes with pushing out a 9+ pound 24 inch boy. So I was trying to manuver around the basinet, sat on the toilet and no longer had to pee. That was because what I thought was post baby gushing, wasn't. It was me - I had peed myself. The epidural still hadn't worn all the way off and I wasn't able to hold it, LOL.

Thats one of my favorite post baby funny stories to tell everyone when they are having their first baby.

Jennifer said...

*tap, tap, tap*

*tap, tap, tap*

*tap, tap, tap*

we are waiting oh so patiently :)

Burgh Baby's Mom said...


caramama said...

Okay, now where is Karen???

Mayberry Magpie said...

Does sex in the shower with hubby in front of mom count as embarrassing? If so, consider me entered. The story can be had at:

Under "One compelling reason why a fire beats a remodel, hands down."

Damama T said...

AWWW SHUX! Just my luck - a day late and a comment short! Wish I'd seen this sooner because I'd have entered These tools are NOT for sharing!. But it's not to late for you to get a giggle over it anyway! LOL!

Sounds like y'all had fun. I'll have to pay more attention from now on! LOL!!