The Joys of Others Messed Up Minds

Those Google searches are no end of entertainment. Especially the ones that bring people to my blog. While I've edited them for readers viewing pleasure, I just want to say that there are a whole lot of freaks out there. You tell a story about underwear and suddenly every messed up citizen of Planet Earth will be knocking on your blog's door asking if you're into this, or into that, or if you have advice on... Sometimes I have to go scrub my eyes out after reading some of the searches. I worry about the world my kids are growing up in. But in a lighter vein, here are some amusing ones.

In the pony-related category, we've got:

big wife on pony - I have no photos. Sorry.

pony potty chair - I have a hard enough time housebreaking dogs. There is no way I'm going to attempt the ponies yet.

free stories pony play - Um, huh?

pony whisper - Are you asking if ponies whisper, or if I'm the Pony Whisperer? Because the answer to both is Try Again.

get a pony that only needs a viset once a year - While this would be the ultimate low-care pet, the bigger question is why do you even want one then? (And BTW, learn to spell.)

The Underwear Chronicles go on.

borrow my friend's panties - I don't recommend this.

panties in church - I'd consider it appropriate attire, so therefore YES, panties are in church.

whole blood panties picture - The gross factor aside, I'm clueless. Whole blood? Versus partial blood?

forced to wear panties forever - Now there's a punishment. I sentence you to wear panties. I think you have bigger issues.

humiliating stories of caught in underwear - Everyone's got them. But just be glad the underwear are on. It would be even more humiliating if not.

panties embarrassed - I wasn't aware that panties had feelings. That gives all new meaning to the Holy Public Panties post.

And in other weirdness...

kill forsythia - You can't. Trust me.

how to kill shrubbery - Plant it in my garden. Unless it's forsythia. If I can't kill it, nobody can.

16 year old girls arm pit hair - Gross. And completely natural. Rest assured.

great grandma p*rn - (I added the editing. This was spelled correctly.) I won't even go there. Instead I'll go to the bathroom and barf.

what is acceptable to wear to a wedding - Shockingly, just about anything nowadays.

is it really that bad to wear red at a wedding? - See above. I'm guessing not.

laughing lady childrens boutique - There's a strange name. Even worse than The Rocking Pony. But happiness is always good, so I deem it acceptable.

picture of grandma rocking a baby - I'm kinda disappointed that Google directed people to my blog for a picture of this. I'm not that old, people!

tailoring for short-waisted - When you find one, let me know. Short-waisted makes for interesting dressing sometimes.

how did jesus cut his toenails - Of all the things I've pondered, this has never been one of them. Would it really matter to your faith? Will someone really say, I can't believe the teachings of Jesus because he didn't use nail clippers. That's just not right.

squatty body skit - Hey now. I know I'm squatty, and I know that my life is humorous, but there's no need to be calling names.

lamaze - Never tried it. Never took a class. I think you've come to the wrong place for your needs.

how to trim a horse's bangs - First of all, it's forelock. And second, I'd probably leave it up to the professionals. It's not difficult, but apparently you're not all that bright and you might run with the scissors.

So what are some of your most fun ones? Inquiring minds want to know.


Karen Deborah said...

That is amazing. My blog doesn't get that much traffic so haven't experienced that. Weird stuff. No you are not old!

Catherine said...

How do you find this stuff out? I see people posting these but I never know how to do it :)


SunflowerMom said...

Wow, remind me not to blog about my underwear! I just peeked at my sitemeter to see what was new and found this gem of a search: cat is getting snot on walls. Tasty!

spoon said...

my question is, since he's Jesus couldn't he have just made his toenails perfect all the time with a nod?

Becoming Mommy said...

The "whole blood" doesn't confuse me so much as it's placement with "panties".
I do a lot of medical documentation, so see the term a lot. But it sounds like weirdos are afoot looking for you blog.

Burgh Baby said...

Yours are WAY more fun than mine. Mine are just plain disturbing. Freaks are everywhere!

Anonymous said...

I agree with Burgh - your are WAY more fun.

I got "licking fishsticks" and "lady has a huge and dangling ti" . . . I am hoping that searcher was not short a 't' and that there is such a thing as a ti, because I don't want to know what I have blogged about that would have yielded that!

utmomof 5 said...

"How did Jesus cut His toenails?" I am still laughing at that one!! My daughter wants to know what is sooooo funny!!

I have had some interesting ones but nothing like great grandma p*rn. Thank goodness!

mommaof4wife2r said...

brooke asked this week why the waves share so much...don't know.

justmylife said...

I get a lot of freaks who apparently think I am a po*n site and I must say they would have to be disappointed. heh!! I like your searches better.

Pam said...

my blog doesn't get much traffic, so when I do remember to check my search stuff it is never interesting stuff. Of course, I haven't checked lately! Have a Happy Easter! I hope your family enjoys the time together!

caramama said...

I'll have to check my analytics for some good ones. I'll let you know if I find any.

But now I'm really curious. How did people cut their toe nails back in Jesus' time? Did they have clippers? Curved nail scissors? Did they just use nail files? Where is the history channel's investigation into THAT??

Flea said...

"Yet"? You plan to potty train the ponies at some point?

Michelle said...

Great. Now I'm going to be awake all night thinking about Jesus cutting his toenails. Love the searches!

Oh, and trimming the forelock? NEVER with scissors. Bad bad bad things happen that way... not that I'd know of course ;) Poor Schnaz!

Karen said...

Oh....those are good. I haven't looked at what my google searches were in a while, but there have been some interesting ones. Like, "Is sea monkey poop edible?" WHAT? Why would some one need to know this? Really......

Infrared Goggles said...

"How did Jesus cut his toenails?" Questions such as that one are why I liked to read the Biblical Illustrator, a mag my mother used to bring home from her job as church secretary. Interesting stuff... ;)

Delightful post. Thanks for the laughs!


Tanya said...

Some of those are semi-valid questions. I love that there is a place to ask about the random things that go through your mind. I try to indulge my curiosity whenever possible. However, some of those are just weird.

I want to know if they found their answer to the toenail question.