The Price of Guilt

Oh, the things one has to blog about when one's computer is in the shop. The irony is not lost on me. So here's the scoop, in a condensed nutshell. Micah is at camp this week. We dropped him off Sunday night. This is the camp just three miles up the road from us, just for kids with disabilities. He did not do well at all last year when we left him (there was screaming and physical restraint involved, and not just for his mama) but when we picked him up three days later he was obviously glad to see us for all of two and two-thirds minutes, and then ditched us to go off to play with his new friends. So we knew he'd have a good time this year and I only had a little guilt as he clung onto me when I was trying to make a getaway. (Okay, so this isn't the condensed version. My bad.) I blame the fact that my baby was not 100% sure he wanted to leave his mama. I blame a lot on that fact. We had planned to do something fun with the other kids while Micah was gone. Something that Micah would not really enjoy, but the others would. A museum falls under that category. So we tweaked the rules a bit and headed to Columbus to visit COSI. A science center is in the museum realm, and it's general consensus that we'd all enjoy it so much better without having to chase Micah down again and again. And again. Thing number one that I blame on my baby being gone this week is the fact that I forgot my camera. People, I take my camera everywhere I go. I have photographic evidence of everything my kids have ever done for their entire lives. There will now be a void in our year end album where COSI should have been. I was distracted, thinking about how my baby wasn't happy that I left him. For the second year in a row. At a place where he has a ton of fun. Although, I should probably have used that opportunity to buy My Next Camera. I highly doubt Sam would have allowed me to assuage my guilt with an $800 purchase, though. There are monetary limits on that man's compassion levels. It wasn't until we got to the hotel that I realized I forgot our toothbrushes. And toothpaste. Although the latter is kinda trivial in light of the former. Thankfully Becky is a tooth brushing freak and doesn't go anywhere without her own tube of paste, so we employed the Use Your Finger technique because desperate times call for desperate measures. That was thing number 2 that I blame on Micah being at camp. Mostly because we couldn't pack until he was gone or he'd have known we were going somewhere fun without him and been REALLY unhappy that he was being ditched. So when you've just watched your brave little baby suck in his bottom lip and pull up his big boy underpants because his mother turned her back and walked out on him, you sometimes forget Really Important Things. I did buy toothbrushes, because they're way cheaper than My Next Camera, and the finger technique is way better at freshening breath than it is at actually cleaning teeth. So while we were away, we ran into the mom of another boy who is at camp this week. I am always shocked and slightly amazed at what a small world it really is. This boy's aide from school is a volunteer at camp, and has been sending text and photo updates to that boy's mom, letting her know what a wonderful time the kids are having. It was good for both of us to see. And when we got home, the nephew said he saw Micah at the lake, swimming, when he was there with friends. While Micah was glad to see his cousin, it was reported that after a hug, Micah pushed him away and went back to playing with his camp friends. So while I knew in my mind that my guilt was completely unfounded, my heart will always be the mom of my children, and worry needlessly. If a forgotten camera and toothbrush are the price I have to pay to be a mom that cares, I'll pay the price gladly.

1 comment:

Cindy said...

Great post! I'm glad he's having a great time.