I'm Going Down

I'll admit it. I am a fitness flunkie. I joined the gym way back in January, if you'll remember. Then in Feburary I took on a job at the gym as a babysitter two mornings a week. In exchange for this I get free membership for my husband and myself.

My husband has been to the gym an entire handful of times and I feel as though I should nag him about wasting my time for his membership. But I can't. Why? Because I haven't worked out at the gym since, oh, roughly April-ish.

We're both fitness flunkies.

So why do I continue to work there, you may ask? Because we may want to exercise some day. It's much like having a treadmill that you haven't used for years. You just never know, you know?

I've followed the gym's strict diet guidelines, too. That lasted about 7 hours, 21 minutes. And then I woke up and ate breakfast. Needless to say, I didn't lose a whole lot of weight. In fact, my overall weight loss since the beginning of the year is +2.

That's right, I've managed to gain 2 pounds, and yet I'm at the gym all the time it seems. I've even started to question myself on why on earth I'm wasting my time there. Especially now that summer is here. All the kids are out of school, and the little boys and girls that I've been babysitting are now bringing their big brothers and sisters with them. Fun times, fun times.

But just about time I had myself convinced that I should probably quit the gym and free up some time to get something done around here (like maybe housework) I saw pictures of myself taken over the weekend from the horse show. Yes, I know you saw them, too. But did you really think that I would show you those pictures? Good heavens, I may photochop about two spare tires off my middle before putting those in albums. It's that bad. And I'm not exaggerating.

In fact, last year when I rode in the buggy with my daughter we wore snappy red jackets with black collars and coordinating black slacks. We looked good. This year I zipped up my jacket and realized that there was a very real danger of the zipper busting wide open right in the middle of the show ring. That would have been a show alright. We changed into denim shirts and jeans and went casual this year. And yet the fat rolls were incredibly evident. And revolting.

Not quite as revolting as seeing my green underwear waving at the world from the top of my jeans after my shirt rode up my back. The buggy has a very conveniently placed space between the seat and backrest that allows the world to see things that they have no business seeing. We may have placed better but the judge was temporarily blinded by the great expanse of white muffin top leaking out of the back of the buggy.

I'm officially and for-real dieting. And let me tell you, this foreign land sucks. If only I had more willpower, I wouldn't be in this predicament.

The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight because by then, your body and your fat are really good friends.

Ain't that the truth.