Lamaze, Round Two

Breathe, breathe, focus and breathe...

I never had much faith in Lamaze. I actually never took a class, but am now wondering if I could get in on one.

No, I'm not pregnant.

I am, however, the parent of a teenage daughter. I knew this day was coming but never really thought it would get here. I mean, the rapture is coming and some lucky generation will get out of parenting teens. I kinda thought that would be me. Turns out I was wrong.

I mentioned that we had the bloggers picnic here over the weekend. It was fun, it was fabulous, and I nearly didn't live through the night prior to attend the event myself.

Breathe, breathe, focus...

Our daughter has a boyfriend. I'm aware of this fact because he calls umpteen times per evening. The teenager hides herself in her bedroom and doesn't emerge for quite a while. If the phone rings again she picks it up on the half-ring before we can register what happened. We're aware of his existence, know where he lives and know various other pieces of information that parents can scope out on potential daughter-nappers.

And we've come to terms with this because it's like a blogger friend. He's real in an imaginary sort of way. Only he threatened to come to life and we werent' so okay with that. Becky asked if he could come over on Saturday because she'd be so bored with mom's friends with kids who were too small to play with.

ACK!!!! SPAZ!!!!! FREAK!!!!!

Breathe slowly, inhale deeply...

After giving the you won't be locking yourself in your room speech (which garnered much shock, horror and eye rolling) and advising that she'd be totally in plain view at all times, I couldn't think of any other reasons why the imaginary boyfriend couldn't materialize. Drat. How to explain to a teenager that she can't have a boyfriend over because it'll age her parents way too fast?

I decided that it was part of growing up and I could possibly bring myself to live through the event with a whole lotta denial, but daddy was not so okay with it. I saw a look of sheer terror in his eyes when he heard what was planning to go down. I think he realized the same thing that I did though. We've got no good reason to say no. Double drat.

Focus, find a happy place...


We were saved by his parents though. He had family plans that he didn't know about and wasn't able to come. I suspect that they had no plans. Which makes me really love his parents.

We dodged that one. This time.

27 comments:

Allison Says said...

Oh man. I don't know what I'm going to do when/if I have a daughter! Having a boy dating is not going to be fun, but a GIRL!? Ack. No wonder you were freaking out!

I hope she wasn't *too* bored on Saturday. At least there was yummy food for her to enjoy (unless she's at the point where she doesn't like to eat yummy food...but hopefully that's not yet!).

Good luck!!

SuburbanCorrespondent said...

Lucky you - Anna would be too embarrassed to ever invite a boyfriend over. Even though I promised her that the little kids wouldn't vomit on him...

Flea said...

Oh. My. Word. I so do not envy you. Keep us posted. Mine haven't quite reached this phase yet, as much as they would love to.

Andrea said...

FEW!! I would be freaking out too!! I don't think my daughter will be aloud to date until she is 20. I think that is a safe age right?

Poltzie said...

Haha, teenagers! You just wait...
ps. You can get through this!

Sandy C. said...

Whoa. This just gave me a wicked flashback. That half-phone ring thing? I SO did that!

*breathe*

I still have about 11 more years until I have to deal with this, but methinks I need to start mentally preparing now.

Shellie said...

I must be weeks behind here! Welcome to the wonderful world of boyfriends. I kinda feel sorry for the boys a lot of the time... deep cleansing breaths!

Michelle said...

Ooo, Karen, I'm sorry. I've got a long time before I get there -- at least another four or five years, right? And coming from a girl who had a boyfriend at that age... Oooooo. I don't envy you!

Karen said...

How's that Lamaze working for ya? If it does the trick, let me know, I'll get signed up for a class now. With three daughters, I will need lots of practice.

SgtSudsWife said...

I have 2 daughters and I am not looking forward to those days.Right now my oldest is 6 and last year when she was in kindergarten she came home and was talking about boyfriends.Of course I had to explain to her how boys had cooties and they were gross LOL.No offense to those of you who have boys.You can tell your boys the same thing about my girls if you want I promise I don't mind LOL.
Then she said"MOM they are just boys who are friends"DUH!!Silly me what else would a boyfriend be at the age of 5.That was me having a flash into the future and wanting to die.I wonder if that story about the cooties will work in a few more years and she really tries to have a boyfriend.I might have to lock both of my girls away LOL.

Aimee said...

This is precisely why Rob says he is putting the girls in a convent.

vic said...

I am so glad I've got a boy!

jessica said...

i hyperventilated a little reading this... and thinking ahead - years ahead, but i don't think i'll deal well with this either!

Madame Queen said...

Ay yi yi! Those are the days that I dread. But hey, I say invite him over so you can get a look at his eyes. If he's at your house and you can keep him in sight all the time, then you'll always know what they're up to!

Burgh Baby said...

You are in soooo much trouble.

caramama said...

Oh boy. Just reading this made my heart flutter. I know we are a long way off, but it will come, won't it?

Thank goodness his parents saved you guys!

Fannie Mae said...

Ah, in time at all you'll have them sitting on your couch and eating your snacks. BUT, you'll know where your daughter is!

Caution Flag said...

Our mistake was getting our young teen a cell phone. Lots of communication going on and it took us a while to catch on. Now the cell stays in the kitchen with us. I think a land line might be easier. At least you hear the half-rings :)

utmomof5 said...

I am so not ready to have a teenage daughter, I am glad my oldest girl is only 8. I can hardly handle her attitude right now much less in 5 years!!!
Good luck with the boyfriend!!

Colleen said...

awww...that would've been fun to watch you and Sam eyeballing that poor kid all day. :)

Queen Mommy said...

Man oh man! I am scared for you and for me.

Marmarbug said...

Hi! My first visit. I hear good things about your stuff and now? I like your blog!!!
But about this post!
Oh.my.word. I am glad I don't have a girl...yet! I say that since to be honest I don't want to jinx myslef should I decide to have another!!!
Thank GOD he isn't coming over. I remember those teenage love years. Remind me to never tell you the age I lost my vir I mean KISSED a boy.

Tootsie Farklepants said...

I want to marry his parents.

OHmommy said...

WHoa.... you are in trouble. LOL. I am so scared of having teenage daughters. So scared.

Beth from the Funny Farm said...

We too are parents of a son that suddenly, mysteriously, HAVE UNKNOWN, but NOW materialized plans quite frequently. Suddenly, there are things to DO and places to GO!
lolol

The Sports Mama said...

I honestly am not sure if its easier being the mother of a teenage boy. A really cute teenage boy. A really cute teenage boy that multiple girls have developed a habit of throwing themselves at. Repeatedly. In public. In my presence. Without even a "Hello Mrs. Sports Mama".

At least Becky spoke to me and looked me in the eye when we met. :)

just jamie said...

You just reminded me that I.AM.NOT.READY.FOR.THAT.