This Is My Day

Alternate title: The Longest Post Ever, But Not As Long As My Day

Because quite a few people wonder how I can accomplish so much through the day and would love to see a blow-by-blow account of what goes on here at the Rocking Pony household, I've decided to bore you with the mundane details of my life. Consider yourselves warned.

7:30 Sam tries leaving for work but his car won't start. For whatever odd reason it wouldn't even take a jump so he took the van.

7:30 - 10:45 Check email, catch up on Twits and Plurks, deal with the AKC over the lost registration paper for one of the dogs, let the dogs out, let the dogs back in, clean puppy kennels, feed dogs, water dogs, pick up socks, pick up Micah's dishes laying on the floor (you know the boy only eats in front of the TV, right?), pick up toys, pick up dog toys, now I can vacuum the floor. Do the dishes, let the dogs out, let the dogs back in, call the dogs back in when Micah goes out, clean up the floor where a puppy escaped and took a piddle, clean the floor where the same stinkin' smart puppy escaped and took a dump, clean the floor where smart puppy's sister escaped and peed, finally get smart and lock the kennel door.

Medicate Micah with Staph fighting antibiotics, and the dog with allergy meds. The dog's pills are nearly gone so I call the vet for a refill.

Print shipping labels so that I can mail shirts that customers have waited on forever and three days. Email to tell them all they're finally on their way!

Ask the boys to take off their socks because it's July and it's hot and it only makes more laundry for me. Get asked "why can't we wear socks?" This makes me want to wring their little necks but instead I ask almost patiently "why did I say you couldn't wear socks?" and they look at me like I grew three heads. Luke takes his off and says "so should I put these in the laundry?" Not only do I have the urge to wring his neck, now I want to rip his head off and spit in the hole. But instead I tell him to go upstairs and put them in his drawer. He's not good at following directions so I follow him up and realize that his room is a mess. I paid his cousin $5 to clean this room 2 days ago and by golly it's gonna stay clean longer than this! So I make him clean his room amid much consternation and tears.

Josh is pretty sure that I ruined his entire life and he may never even be able to get married or have children because I banned socks on July 7, 2008. He decides, in turn, to make life miserable for Micah so I put him in charge of sorting a pile of laundry. He grumps at Luke to put laundry away so that he can have a basket, thus starting a brand new fight that I have to monitor. In the middle of this Sam calls to ask me to put the battery charger on the car and let it sit for the day. I really don't know if Luke's room got clean or if his laundry got put away. I wasn't there for the end result. I think he just walked away, too, but I'm afraid to go check.

I put Josh in charge of doing the car battery because he finds stuff like that manly and fun and it's one thing that I can ask today that won't end in a fight. Yeah, me!

Micah comes inside naked. Where on earth are his clothes and why did he take them off? The pool isn't even up.

Walk the pony pasture to see if it's overgrazed. It kinda is, so I put them in another part of the pasture today.

Becky asks if she can take the puppies outside and I tell her that's a good idea. (She spent the entire morning with a phone growing out of her ear and I was thrilled that she was taking an interest in her surroundings. A teenager that interacts with her family is much like spotting a nearly extinct animal.) She asks how to tell the two litters apart and I'm pretty sure that I can, but just to be safe I ask her to put a mark on the ears of one litter. She lets the permanent marker lay around and nearly has meltdown because I ask her to put it away before Micah finds it. The puppies are crying and whining because it's very hot outside. I tell Becky that it's too hot for them where they are and she goes ballistic and wonders why on earth I told her to take them outside if I was just going to ask her to bring them right back in again. This fight escalated to decibels heard 'round the 'hood as I explained that she merely needed to put them in the shade and I never said to bring them inside. I think we reached middle ground somewhere on that battle. I think.

I found Micah's diaper and shirt by the swingset. His diaper was poopy. If the boy knows he's poopy and needs changed why doesn't he just go on the potty?! And why does he need to take his shirt off?

10:45 - 11:00 Wish I didn't have kids. Or at least had a full time job and someone else had to deal with them.

11:00 - 12:30 Make the kids clean up from fireworks last night with less hassle because everyone has already realized that they won't win a battle today against mom. We set the pool up and Micah strips naked in .38 seconds. The kids stop cleaning up fireworks and I'm too busy dealing with Micah to make them resume their jobs.

My MIL calls to tell me about a free day at the zoo and I get all excited and call Sam to tell him that we're going, and call a few friends to be sure they get in on the freebie, too. The kids are incredibly excited about this and their mood improves vastly. Yeah for small miracles!

As I'm on the phone I excuse myself to get Micah off the patio table. He's standing on it. Naked. As I approach, he squats and pees. On. The. Table. Thank goodness it's the one the kids eat on and not the adults.

The kids want to put up the Slip N Slide so I give yet another lecture on how everything fun has much work attached to it. A space needs leveled, cleared of sharp things and large bumps and then a tarp needs spread. The boys spend the next hour digging large holes, raking and being very busy at things that didn't need done at all. The stupid slide could have been set up long ago if they'd not piddle around like that, but they're out of my hair and being happy.

Make arrangements for someone to come see our puppies tomorrow. Pay a few bills that I found laying around. Put fresh scents in the air freshners because I have strong suspicions that the house smells like dog funk.

12:30 - 1:30 Becky takes a cooking fit after reading Rachel Ray Magazine and makes lunch. Her mood has improved immensely since I threatened to revoke her life. (Computer and telephone access, and friend privileges. Not really take her life.)

Micah is done swimming for now and must be cold. He puts on his third set of clothing for the day. (Have I mentioned that I hate laundry?!)

1:30 - 2:30 We eat lunch, the mail comes, my sister calls and then stops in to pick some things up. We bring the puppies inside, be sure kennel dishes are filled, and do the head count on the house dogs. Again.

2:30 - 3:30 Work on setting up the Slip N Slide. The boys are in charge of airing it up because I'm not that stupid. Corral Micah away from the mad air-pumping area and wonder why I'm letting the boys set that thing up when it's clearly going to rain.

Talk to the dog transporter that's finally bringing our Boston Terrier next week. Put him on pause while I yell at Luke not to pick up that thing because it'll bite! (I thought it was a chipmunk that was maimed. Turns out it was a toad. The boys got a good laugh out of that one.)

Shuffle laundry, remind the kids to clean up after themselves AGAIN, pick up shoes, shirts and toys off the floor. Fold laundry and find a sweater and a pair of training underpants. WTH???? Put training pants on Micah. He puts his hand down his crack, then takes them off and tosses them in Luke's face. Another failed potty training attempt.

Remind Josh that the lawn needs mowed today and it's going to rain soon. Watch him continue to pump up Slip N Slide. Remember that he doesn't get subtlety and tell him that means to go mow NOW.

Becky has been making a pie all afternoon and asks stops every 1/2 step to ask me to clarify the instructions. Remind myself that pulling my hair out will only make me bald and not help the frustration. Remind myself also that I'm her mother and in charge of teaching her to bake pies so that she can someday marry and move out.

Remember that the ponies have been out on pasture too long and run out to bring them in.

3:30 - 5:30 Becky finishes the pie. Holy. Cow. The smell is heavenly and she may be married tomorrow if it tastes as good as it smells. Mental note: bake more often. It masks the dog smell funk going on.

Take the battery charger off the car because it's starting to rain. Sam comes home and tries the car. Deader than a doornail. He puts the battery charger on and it starts instantly. I am an idiot, apparently.

Head to the sewing room to cut out a crib set because I haven't done anything productive yet today. Can't find my instructions on dimensions and organize entire sewing room looking for them. Spot them under a hot mess that shouldn't have been there and get everything cut.

Becky and I make grilled pizza for supper. Micah comes outside to pee in the pool. IF HE CAN HAVE SENSE ENOUGH TO GO OUTSIDE TO PEE WHY CAN'T HE GO POTTY!!!! He then turns the garden hose on us accidentally and realizing how much fun this was, he grins in sheer delight as he douses us good.

Josh continues pumping the Slip N Slide and pokes a hole in it. IT WASN'T EVEN FULLY AIRED UP YET!!! That was a colossal waste of good gift cards.

5:30 - 7:00 Eat supper; patch the hole in the stupid broken inflatable toy; Sam takes Becky to drum lessons; feed the boys (because heaven forbid we all eat together anymore).

Josh continues to pump the inflatable THING. The floor is littered with clothing, toys, shoes, grass clippings and dog hair. The counters are strewn with dishes, utensils, leftovers from supper that Micah is picking at, and lots of flour in nooks and crannies.

Did the dishes. Again. Had kids put away shoes. Again. Too tired to care about the mess anymore and will deal with it in the morning. Put supper away.

Tell Luke to brush his teeth but he can't find his toothbrush. He can't even remember when he brushed his teeth last.

Can I resign?!

7:00 - 8:30 Medicate Micah and the dog. Make the boys go to bed with little protest. I'd held out the threat of not going to the drive-in movie tomorrow night if they didn't get caught up on sleep. (insert evil laugh)

But Yeah, Me! I get to start a book that came in today's mail. After sitting with Micah for a half hour I realize that I'm too tired to be productive any longer (I sat up until 1:00 last night waiting for the boys to come in the house. They slept on the patio. They never came in and I sat up for nothing. I'm too old for this kind of caring parenthood.)

Ran a cool bath and continued reading. Ah, the bliss. And you hear that? The house is silent. But what-ho? The tub is dirty. Good heavens. Commence to scrubbing the tub because normally I'm not down that low to see it. Feel dirty from scrubbing the tub while sitting in it and take a shower.

See a book bag that's been sitting in our room for a week and unpack it. Look! Woody! I guess I should have taken care of that last week.

Ahem.

8:30 - 9:30 Write blog post so that the entire world can now see that I get nothing more done in a day than anyone else does. In fact, less. And because I'm incredibly tired from trying to be a caring parent last night I'm going to bed early. Blow candles out and realize there's a lot of dust flying around with all the blowing I'm doing. Mental note: stop blowing out candles and get a candle snuffer.

Tomorrow is another fun day in the Rocking Pony household. But I'll bet you'll never ask to see a day again.